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Adventures in Thailand: The Gay Hooker

June 15, 2010

Thai gay hookerAfter my massage and unanticipated sex show, I went over to the gay bar where I was supposed to meet up with my gay bf. We had had a drink there the night before so I knew exactly where it was.

All the bars on the gay block were pretty dead. Phuket is very tourist-oriented and most travelers had canceled their plans due to the recent political unrest and violence in Thailand.

Nevertheless, a troupe of six Thai boys was putting on a sassy little dance number outside the bar. They all wore white wifebeaters, boxer briefs and tube socks. Collectively, they weighed about 500 pounds.

I stood across the street and watched as I waited for my gay bf to arrive.

At the end of the routine, the waiter and some of the tube sock boys started waving to me. They evidently recognized me from the previous evening. I waved back and smiled.

The waiter was the most adorable thing I’d seen in Thailand. I mean that not in a I-want-to-do-him-and-do-him-good sort of way, but in a I-want-to-put-him-in-my-pocket-and-take-him-out-whenever-I-need-a-smile sort of way.

He didn’t look a day older than 16 and had a bright perma-smile and twinkly eyes. He reminded me of Hello Kitty.

He beckoned me to come over, so I went to say hi. He asked what I was doing, and I told him I was waiting for my friend. Why don’t I sit down and wait? he asked, so I took a seat and ordered a Singha.

I looked around and noticed I was the only customer.

Shortly thereafter, one of the tube sock boys approached me and asked if he could sit and talk to me.

I thought it was a little strange, but figured he was bored because it was slow and maybe he wanted to practice his English. I enjoy talking with the locals when I travel so I told him he could sit if he wanted to.

Tube Socks

He had dark skin and a hairstyle that resembled Tina Turner circa “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” only with sideburns.

I learned he was from Chiang Mai, had been working at the bar for eight months and wasn’t a professional dancer but performed in their curbside “sexy boy show” nightly.

Shortly after, my gay bf showed up. My beer had just arrived, so he sat down and ordered a soda. The three of us sat there, awkwardly.

Soon Hello Kitty came by and asked if I wanted to buy Tube Socks a drink.

Huh? I’m supposed to buy this man, er, child, a cocktail? I wasn’t used to buying drinks for men or minors. But I couldn’t exactly say no without being disrespectful and coming off as a stingy bitch – a rich, American, stingy bitch.

Tube Socks ordered a whiskey and when it came, he asked what I was doing later. At that point, my gay bf announced that it was time to go.

We stood up and Hello Kitty swished right over, flapping his arms crying, “Where are you goooooing? Where are you goooooing?”

My gay bf said we had to leave, and we did.

As we walked away, gay bf explained that those tube sock boys were not just dancers – they were for sale.

Their ploy is to chat up customers, get them to buy them drinks, then convince them to buy more than drinks.

So, let me get this straight.

  1. Tube Socks was a hooker
  2. Hello Kitty was a pimp
  3. I was a JOHN

This confused me thoroughly. That was a gay bar. That was a gay hooker. And I am a WOMAN for crying out loud! Were times really that tough?

Maybe he thought I was a ladyboy. If so, I’m not offended. Those ladyboys are gorgeous. But they are usually the ones selling the poon, peen, or whatever they’ve got going on under their sequined skirts.

I suppose I’ll never know what the hell they were thinking, but apparently desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m all for fueling the Thai economy, but Tube Socks was just going to have to wait for the next 60-year-old white guy to come along and sweep him off his feet.

Is this what my love life has been reduced to? Overheard blow jobs and propositions from gay prostitutes? Is this what rock bottom feels like? I hope so, because I am more than ready for an upswing.

23 Comments leave one →
  1. Cachiva permalink
    December 4, 2011 1:24 pm

    Yeah, I doubt that many, if any of the boys working the bar are actually gay. You’re gay bf could have told you that. You don’t come off as stingy or bitchy. Just ignorant.

  2. November 3, 2011 4:35 pm

    very nice

  3. peppino permalink
    May 4, 2011 6:46 am

    somiglia ad un ragazzo che ho tenuto con me a natale per una settimana.lo incontrai a sunee plaza, me lo fece venire subito duro appena lo iniziai a baciare, era stato con altri italiani perchè quando glielo misi in mano mi disse very big cazzo.

  4. marco permalink
    May 2, 2011 6:28 am

    sexy boy

  5. June 21, 2010 11:15 am

    HAHAHHAH the best part, that sticks in my mind most is, “Where are you gooooooiong???’ hAHHAH I can just imagine. And you’re like, hey, I wanna talk to tubie a little more!! so funny

  6. June 16, 2010 11:54 am

    This is the second most amazing and hilarious thing I’ve read today! (the first? my bank balance!) I’ve never heard of this and I’m glad you have just educated me–that bitch from Eat, Pray, Love has left a few chapters out of HER book! Work it sister!

    • June 17, 2010 12:06 am

      That Eat, Pray, Love chick got nothin’ on me! I’d never heard of it before either. But hey, if there’s gay for pay I suppose there can be straight for pay. Sheesh!

  7. June 15, 2010 5:05 pm

    I LOL’ed at the line “Sexy Boy Show”. I still haven’t figured out how “Tube Socks” fits in with the whole “sexy” bit but maybe that’s because I’m not a 60 year old white dude on the prowl.

    I’m sorry to hear that you were mistaken for a john. I guess if this is rock bottom, it can only go up from here?!

    • June 16, 2010 12:05 am

      Yeah, “sexy boy show” were his own words. Thank you for your condolences. I figured it must only go up from here… I’m waiting!

  8. June 15, 2010 5:02 pm

    Don’t worry – I have been called a transvestite by some all-knowing souls on the internet. All because of feathers and a low singing voice. So it is NOT the rock bottom :-)

    • June 16, 2010 12:03 am

      There are many of those all-knowing souls online, aren’t there? They make me giggle.

  9. June 15, 2010 2:55 pm

    I am so entertained by your writing. And that the tales are true, well that’s just bonus.

    • June 16, 2010 12:02 am

      Thanks so much, girl. I actually wasn’t really feeling this post when I published it. I’m glad at least one person didn’t think it sucked. And yes, if my horror stories can be used for good, I’m all for it.

  10. June 15, 2010 2:17 pm

    LOL! That’s terrible. And funny. Terribly funny.

  11. June 15, 2010 11:04 am

    Why does America not have ‘sexy boy shows?’ fml.

  12. June 15, 2010 10:27 am

    Dude. That’s all I got. Dude. Not sure how I’d feel about getting pimped on by a kiddo in tubes socks, either.

  13. brewers_rule permalink
    June 15, 2010 10:21 am

    I am SHOCKED at the lack of tolerance on display here. Who says gay hookers only have to swing one way? They can choose whoever they choose to make John out of, even if it is a Jane. Next thing you know, you’ll say they have to charge certain prices ;)

    • June 15, 2010 11:53 pm

      Hmm, I never considered that he might be bi. Maybe he was. But even still, how many women are going to be frequenting gay bars seeking out men to pay to sleep with them? Nah, Tube Socks took a giant leap of faith. But then again, maybe the shit is different in Thailand.

      • Mister Thai permalink
        September 7, 2010 2:57 pm

        Most guys, or boys, at the “gay shows” cater to women. I know a lot of asian women, mostly Japenese believe it or not, that go to these shows to pick up guys. It’s not only the 60 year old queer white guys. However, there are few places where women go to get straight guys but those are hard to find.

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