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Three Things for You

June 28, 2012

Summer has officially begun, and so far, I’m liking it. It’s been gorgeous in LA and the last two nights I had two incredible dreams!

The first night I dreamt that I was making out with Joseph Gordon Levitt. It was glorious – until my stupid alarm clock cockblocked me. The second night I dreamt my co-worker’s son got all flustered around me and said I was super hot. He’s, like, 15, so it was sorta creepy — as in, oh my shit will I be the first female contestant on To Catch a Predator? — but sorta flattering at the same time. Anyway, it beats my usual recurring dream of being a frenetic waitress with too many orders who tries desperately to scream but no sound comes out.

So, how many non-sequiturs did you count in the paragraph above? No matter, let’s move on to the three things for you. This week I have a little something for everyone. So pick your poison, or be a glutton and pick all three – it’s okay, they’re all gluten-free.

1. One for Everyone: Put Your Phone Down

I’ve written a spankin’ new post over at Singles Warehouse! In it, I tear into people who use cell phones on dates, talk to myself in my head and pay homage to your grandfather. There’s a video there, too. I didn’t make it, but my friend did. Okay, he’s not really my friend, but he’s from LA. You can see Venice Beach and everything. Go read it!

2. One for the Boys: Fun Buddy

This is my new favorite website. Ever wonder what it looks like when an obese dude gets busy in the wheelbarrow position with a midget? The mystery ends here – these jovial Fun Buddies will demonstrate. Buddies of all shapes and sizes perform 16 different sexual positions – and it’s fracking genius. Don’t break out the Jergens just yet, though, their undies stay on. Come on, I could never visit a real porn site. I’m too afraid I’ll get flooded with e-mails for penile extension cream and hot, horny Russian babes who are waiting to suck me off.

3. One for the Girls: Magic Mike Opens This Weekend

This much anticipated flick about male strippers is sure to be poorly acted, devoid of plot and will most likely make Glitter look like Schindler’s List.

AND I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT! I mean, look!

 

Pretty effing sweet, hey? I bet you came here searching for maybe one cool thing, and I’ve given you three – something to think about, something to marvel at, and something to drool over. You decide which is which. And with these three things, you are well on your way to a smokin’ hot summer of love, love, love. My pleasure.

13 Comments leave one →
  1. Simsi permalink
    April 3, 2014 2:03 am

    Lol

  2. Denny DelVecchio permalink
    July 6, 2012 10:12 pm

    Denny IS Magic Mike. Except it’s a different name….Ernie Inches.

    PS…just saw your email and replied.

    • July 7, 2012 5:52 pm

      That made me think of the Sesame Street character with a dong. Ewie!

      Dang, Erns, I sent that like three years ago!

  3. July 4, 2012 7:23 am

    I want to see magic mike so bad I’m jealous of people who are seeing it!

  4. June 30, 2012 2:21 pm

    Guess what I went to see last night?

    Aaaaaaand… wait… did my stripper movie about hot men (does that mean I’m objectifying them now? But they’re so nice looking!) just got all serious.

    Good thing we had road, er, movie theater, er, sodas.

    • July 1, 2012 9:22 pm

      HOW WAS IT?!?

      • July 2, 2012 10:21 am

        Conventional, and not enough nekkid Channing. See, do you make a fluff movie about naked people, or do you try to make a serious movie where people get naked? Should probably pick one, but don’t really market it as the other… But not bad, all told.

        • July 2, 2012 10:41 pm

          I figured it would be just awful fluff, but then Soderbergh directed, so thought maybe he’d actually do something good with it. So, I take it no full frontal? Wait, don’t tell me. I want to be surprised.

  5. June 28, 2012 3:18 pm

    You’re hilarious! Cell phone usage on dates – BOO! I can’t even comment on the fun buddies. And as for Magic Mike? Yum! I look forward to your review.

    BTW, while watching Bethenny yesterday, I learned that when you dream you’re making out with someone, the kissing symbolizes the need to communicate, so perhaps there’s something you need to tell Joseph Gordon Levitt. ;)

    • June 28, 2012 11:07 pm

      Thank you, lovey! Very interesting on the dream interpretation. Now if only I could get Joe’s number I could call to tell him whatever it is I need to tell him… ;)

  6. June 28, 2012 1:48 pm

    I can’t wait to go see Magic Mike. Some girlfriends and I are planning to go see it and and we expect it to be raunchy, crazy, with bad acting and who doesn’t love Matt M. Mmmm!

    Addai

    http://www.wix.com/addaisblog/affair-with-the/apps/blog/dating-vs-courting-one-and-the-same

    • June 28, 2012 11:06 pm

      Aww, yeah, baby. Girl’s night out. I’m planning to see it with my gays. I wouldn’t have it any other way!

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