2010: A Dating Oddity

Online dating

As I mentioned in my “About Me” section, dating these days is quite a bit different than it was in my 20s. It’s been a few years since I split from The Ex, so I’ve gotten somewhat used to it, but that doesn’t mean I consider it any less weird.

Among my observances of Things That Have Changed:

  1. Online dating. This wasn’t around 10 years ago – there were just those personal ads in the paper that only “desperate people” resorted to.  Not so anymore.  It seems like we all know someone who either met their significant other online or are going on five dates a week thanks to the Internet, where anonymity is king and a guy can misrepresent himself as a Jon Hamm lookalike with no one the wiser. This whole deal just seems backwards to me.

    Back in the olden days, you would:

    1) meet someone, 2) get excited, 3) get to know him and then 4) become disappointed.

    With online dating, you:

    1) get to know someone, 2) get excited, 3) meet him and then 4) become disappointed.

    Nevertheless, at the urging of friends and out of sheer frustration, I joined a dating site.  I’m confident this will be fodder for future blog posts.

  2. “Hanging out.” What’s up with this?  Guys now say something akin to “We should hang out” or “When are we hanging out again?”  What exactly does “hang out” mean?  Is it dating?  Is it going out?  Is this just new terminology or is it in fact a new category of relationship?  A popular dating site lists the following to choose from when describing what you are seeking:  1) Intimate Encounter, 2) Hang Out, 3) Dating, 4) Long-term.  Numbers 1, 3, and 4 are clear to me.  Does Hang Out refer to something in between an Intimate Encounter and Dating?  And what exactly does that constitute?  I suspect this may be another ploy by men to avoid the whole possibility of commitment.  Now even “dating” is too serious.  Calm down, guys, it’s just coffee. Sheesh!
  3. Bald punani. When I was dating in the 90s, women were not expected to resemble 10-year-olds in the crotch area.  Sure, we would trim it and keep it neat, but most men understood and accepted that hair grows down there.  Now, even a few stray hairs on the mound and guys liken it to a trek through the Amazonian rainforest.  Like online dating, I resisted the pressure to wax the cooch.  I figured, I already do a lot to try to appeal to the opposite sex, including but not limited to:
    • pluck brows,
    • wax pits,
    • color hair,
    • pedicure toes,
    • shave legs,
    • paint face,
    • blow out hair,
    • exfoliate skin,
    • wear wires in bras (ouch),
    • endure high heels (double ouch)

Dammit, pulling my pubic hair out by the root is where I draw the line!

But alas, I too have now succumbed to the demands of the male sex, sort of.  I’ve compromised… and I’m not completely bald.

4.  The backdoor. Since we’re already in the region, I thought I might as well bring this up.  And all I will say is:  This used to be no-man’s land, now it is every man’s desire.  When did this happen?!?

P.S. Kudos to anyone who got the play on the title. I know it was a bit of a reach.

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39 replies

  1. You know, I just don’t get it why guys would require you to wax. Every guy that gets close enough to see whether you have waxed or not should just feel lucky as hell!

    Besides the hair can be fun too. It’s intoxicating to bury one’s face to the Amazonia. (No wonder as one of body hair’s functions if to enhance pheromones.)

    With my ex I noticed that she had a couple of hairs on her breasts she would pluck away. So I said that let’s let them grow there for a while. Just to see how it feels. And nope, it didn’t matter my kissing and sucking at all. 🙂

    But does the pressure really come from the guys? Or is like other beauty and fashion pressures that it comes from all the culture around you?

    As for the backdoor, well, I think the young guys got it all wrong. They watch way too much porn don’t realise how far that is from reality. So they are demanding stuff without really even appreciating it properly. So then it turns to this weird yes/no discussion. Guys: you gotta let me! Girls: (do I have to do it just so he accepts me?)

    That leaves no room for personal discovery. Enjoying the full range of pleasures your body can offer. You can map out your personal boundaries and, if you dare, cross them carefully with someone you trust.

  2. I love that cartoon.

    1. Agreed about waxing the old cooch. What is up with that? I only let Asian women near the hot wax and my biz now.

    2. Seriously, what is going on with “hanging out?” I don’t know if I should wear my period panties and grab my Natty Light or wear my leather bustier when I’m asked to just “hang out” with a dude.

  3. Yup, that about sums up my soon to be single fears about right, save for the last two but I’ve happily embraced certain aspects of manscaping as I hate hair myself. But the hanging out thing is weird. I think it’s a way of saying “Let’s be friendly and see where it goes” which I’m cool w/myself.

  4. Newsflash: “Hanging out” is a term used by BOTH genders! Really! Not just “guys”.

    Seems to me what it usually means is ‘Let’s avoid labling our connection, because that can lead to over-thinking it, misunderstandings, unspoken expectations which don’t mesh, etc. Let’s just enjoy spending time together, with a relaxed attitude about whatever this is we’ve got going on between us. Spontaneous, instinctive, etc. Relaxing at your place or my place, going out & about wherever the day takes us, etc, moreso than going to restaurants, events, etc, such as people tend to think of when the word “dating” is used.’

    There, Singlegirlblogging, what do you think of that definition?

    PS: Your blogger name, which clusters an adjective, noun, and verb, reminds me of the Native American names in Dances With Wolves. I wonder how others might name themselves, if they were expected to use this construction. Could be amusing & revealing.
    Anyway, good luck with your blog!

  5. Haha sorry for being one of the butt-fixated and smooth loving generation!

    My opinions are that trimmed is almost as good as shaving, and waxing is just a really special treat – I wouldn’t expect anyone to keep it up just for a partner. If they wanted to themselves however, that would be awesome. So don’t imagine all guys complain if there’s even a hint of hair, and if you find that all yours do, then get new ones! 🙂

  6. Yeah, good point about “hanging out”—apparently a coffee date is WAY too serious. Teenagers don’t even use the word “date”. In fact, they only communicate via text. Talking is way too intimate. So I guess that tells us where it’s headed.

    And PLEASE Jennifer Love Hewitt, don’t start a new trend with vajazzling. Ugh. That makes me hurt just thinking about it.

    Great post!

    • Someone please enlighten me about this vajazzling. Are vaginas appearing at Jazz Festival? Or is this some term referring to bejeweling the vag, i.e., “jazzing it up?” WTH is Love Hewitt up to? Maybe I don’t want to know. I can’t take any more primping down there.

      Thanks for the comment, love!

      • It’s sticking crystals onto your shaved pubis. Don’t worry, I don’t get it either! Think it was made up by a beauty salon to generate some online buzz and waxing/crystals sales!

  7. OK, get dating and stuff, already. You can’t start with such an intriguing first/second post and not have history. I have some heavy duty procrastinating to get on with… C’mon!

  8. You caught my attention with the title, then retained it through the post, and now I’m looking forward to more!

    I have some good, bad and horror stories from dating in the last few years myself, but frankly don’t have time to keep a blog. (Maybe you’ll invite me as a guest to yours some day?) Every now and then a tweet seems to summarize enough. You though, have a gift. Do share it 🙂

    #happyvibes ~-~

  9. Y’know, I think that a lot of these things are just dating trends like vajazelling, the bald punani will one day vanish, and we’ll be back to carefully groomed cooters, I promise!!


    Online dating should provide you with LOTS of blog fodder. I did it briefly – just a few months – and that was enough for me…

  10. Dating has changed since the early days. Before that only acceptable reason for guys and girls to get together was for marriage. But now it seems all these in-between stages now are becoming acceptable.

    • A friend of mine cited a study that showed that people in arranged marriages are actually happier. The thought is that Americans have too many choices and a “grass is always greener” mentality. If you’re in an arranged marriage, it’s pretty much preordained and you have no choice, so you just make the best of it. No idea if this theory is true, but it’s interesting. I may have to blog about it… Thanks for the comment!

  11. I actually liked 2001 better (maybe it applies here as well). Haven’t read 2061. What will the future hold for us? But if I’m dating in 2061, i don’t think any of the above may be a real issue.

  12. oh.. and I always laugh at hanging out because it’s also how you tell your parents “the person I’m doing it with…” without actually saying that.. but that is what it means.

    “Yea mom, she’s cool. But right now we are just hanging out..”

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