Why I Slept With a Douchebag

DouchebagAfter my last blog post in which I slept with Fred the Douchebag, I received a few very interesting responses. While most of the women responded with a hearty, “You go, girl!” the men seemed a bit peeved, thinking somehow Fred wound up the winner in all of this. Why, because he got laid? So what? So did I.

It appears some of my male readers made this erroneous deduction:

  1. Fred is a douche.
  2. I slept with Fred.
  3. Therefore, I slept with Fred because he is a douche.

Wrong! I slept with Fred despite him being a douche. I dumped him because he is a douche. If he hadn’t been a douche, I might have slept with him several more times.

So, why did you sleep with him?

Well, he’s hot. Super duper nuper hot. Don’t act surprised, men do it all the time and no one questions it. But then again, I’ve turned down beautiful boys wanting sex on numerous occasions.

I slept with Fred for more than his good looks – it was the exceedingly intense, all-out crazy sexual chemistry we shared. You all know exactly what I’m talking about – that feeling you get when your eyes lock with someone and your blood goes from hot to cold to hot again and every organ in your body quivers. It’s not something that can be manufactured, it’s that je ne sais quoi that everyone understands but no one can explain. It doesn’t happen often (for me), and it’s very hard to ignore.

It was present from the first night Fred and I met in that bar in West Hollywood. And believe it or not, when I met him he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. We had some things in common, he made me laugh, and we got on great. I really thought there might be boyfriend potential in this one. But after going out with him a few times and peeling back the layers, a douchebag emerged. Boyfriend potential quashed. Very disappointing indeed.

“A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” – Cher

So, you knew he was a douche and still slept with him. WTF?

You may recall, before our third date and before I realized the extent of his douchebaggery, I had decided to wait a while before sleeping with him. I’ve learned that sex too soon can sabotage a relationship, and I had hoped this might go somewhere. Alas, by the end of the third date, it became clear I did not want to be this man’s girlfriend. BUT… that wild sexual energy was still there. Since there’d be no relationship to sabotage, I figured I might as well have some fun with him.

As I told my buddy JM, this was not about rewarding or punishing Fred. This was about getting what I wanted, and I wanted him bad. If he wound up getting what he wanted too, well, bully for him. So two people wound up happy that night.

Women love sex, too. Don’t think of this as the douchebag getting his way. He didn’t coerce me into anything. I used him for sex.

He has called me a couple times since then, but I’m not planning on seeing him again. He had my body for one night, but won’t ever have the rest of me. And that, to me, is the real prize.

The clip above perfectly illustrates how I feel about Fred. To be clear, in this scenario, Jerry=me, Jerry’s brain=my brain, Jerry’s penis=my vagina. Get it? (Thanks to @EBarkenbush for sharing!)

Categories: True Story

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33 replies

  1. Singlegirlblog kindly refer to 2:27-3:10 of this video for the “guy perspective” on this “phenomenon.”

    2:27-3:10 (especially from 2:50-3:10 )

      • He does have a point through….”Middle of the road guy” is definitely not what you want to be if you’re looking to get laid very often….You need some kind of shtick or act…..Whether it’s tattoo biker guy, guido, frat bro, bad boy, emo, goth etc etc….you need some type of thing….

        Just being a normal dude is not the way to go….I have no problem with women dating whoever they want…. It’s their bodies and they can do whatever they please with them….but the “Where are all the good guys” complaining part is annoying.

        Luckily I’m very young (just graduated High School) and still have plenty of time to develop some retarded shtick….The Barbwire Tattoo is looking pretty attractive right now lol…..I’m sure my parents will love it

        • Why is it annoying? You know what’s annoying? Being treated like crap by some dude who only wants to get laid. Why wouldn’t we complain? Listen, if all you want is to get laid, that’s perfectly fine. There are plenty of websites that make it easy for you. And if you want to do it offline, that’s fine too, just don’t treat girls poorly and be upfront about what you want. There are girls who want to get laid, too. But no one wants to be used or manipulated, male or female. I hate to pit men against women, and I know that women do shady things just like men do. But what I’m saying is don’t be one of them. Be better than that. Get laid if you want, just don’t be a dick about it. The end result of getting laid is not enough to justify acting like a piece of shit. You guys may not realize how damaging it can be to a girl’s self esteem, and then you know what, it fucks things up for the other guys. Seriously, dude.

  2. Wow that is all i can say a guy got played well how did you like it by the way im not like the boys so congrats i know im being mean to all the guys but they are so rude to girls they dont treat them right i just hate it so im glad you did that

  3. I am sooooo glad to see you are blogging, you’re so clever and I’m quite enjoying reading your posts. That diagram of a douche is amazing, I once used it as a header on a myspace blog post about how much I hate Ann Coulter, though specifically I referred to her as a douch nozzle I believe. . .

  4. No, sex isn’t the grand prize, the grand prize is love. But you have to admit sex with someone hot is better than no sex at all.

  5. This is a great post! I’m in the same place right now where I’m all about having the fun. I haven’t had “the fun” in two years and am total mind blown by the fun! It’s pure fun and nothing more.

    Girls deserve fun too…even if one night with a douchebag. ;o)

  6. Well, I kind of get it, and I’ve sure experienced that sexual chemistry thing, even with someone whose mind totally turned me off, and yeah, I slept with her too. Thing is when you did it you managed to feel good about it afterwards and when I did it, I felt like the douchebag.

    Why is that? Is it because I’m a bloke, and so the whole “blokes always use women for sex” thing played in my mind? It might have been, because I know she would have gone for the whole relationship, wanted to, and I knew I didn’t about the time we started having sex.

    So, I’m wondering, are there slight double standards? Because men are portrayed as the users normally, does it make it fine for a girl to do it as some kind of “getting her own back” ?

    PS. I’m a Brit, and I do have “that” accent.

    • Well… I have a couple thoughts here.

      1. Considering what a douchebag Fred acted like, he had it coming.
      2. In general (though in not all cases), I think women dislike being used for sex while men don’t really mind. I’m fairly sure Fred was not upset that I slept with him. I think he was rather happy about it.

      The difference is if you KNOW someone wants a relationship and you go ahead and use her for sex alone, I’d say it is in fact pretty douchey. There are women who are just looking for sex, and I’d much prefer it if men were just up front about these things so we all know where we stand.

      So, pip-pip, cheerio, old chap! Shove off to the pub and find a fit bird to shag! 🙂

      • Ah if only, but no pubs here in France just bars, and apparently no fit birds to shag in the bars in France because I’m in Brittany, land of the nylon housecoat, clogs and hearing-aid beige support garments.

        As for some men not minding so much, well I think it depends where you’re at. If you’re all up for having fun then maybe it’s not so bad. If you’re into someone and into the idea of a relationship, and I can’t be the only man who is, then it’s douchey whichever way it lands on your bed.

        So yeah being upfront’s by far the best, not the easiest, but the best.

        There is of course another male reaction, one we might not like to admit to, which goes something like this.

        1. Fred is a douchebag
        2. You slept with Fred
        3. I’m not a douchebag
        4. How come no-one wants to sleep with me?

        So yeah, we’re possibly a bit jealous of Fred, the douchebag, because we like to think of ourselves as so much better than him, and yet we’re not getting laid. As always it’s the douchebags who seem to win.

        Use us, we don’t care, we like sex too and being used for sex is better than not getting any at all.

      • Did the douchebag “win”? Is sex really the grand prize? I guess men think it is, which kind of makes me sad. And nice guys get laid, too. Men just seem to notice more when the douchebags do. 🙂

  7. Woo hoo! First a Single Ape shoutout, now a singlegirlie shoutout!

    @Arwen, the lameness cannot always douse the fire of the attraction. I once spent two months trying to figure out a way to dump someone I was dating who was dynamite in the sack but drove me so bananas I had a constant urge to punch him in the face!

      • His douche-itude went one step too far, and he discovered the fastest way to go from zero to dumped in 5 seconds when he uttered this phrase: “So, your dad’s been dead for like 3 months, when are you going to snap out of it? You’re really depressing to be around and you’re neglecting my feelings.”

        The sad thing? God help me but if I ran into him, I’d probably hit that.
        (He was that good.)

        And then punch him in the face for being a dbag.

  8. Good for you! Women can use men for sex–just like men use women for sex all the time. You go, girl. Sometimes, it’s just about getting laid! 😉

  9. Are girls supposed to always wait for a good personality before getting off? Of course good personalities is hotter than good looks, but that doesn’t stop the urge of sleeping with a really really hot, yet douchey, guy that she totally knows would sleep with her.

    Being horny and all “Hey, I’m gonna bottle this up until I find someone I LIKE!” could take aaages, and girls need to get off too.

  10. Awesome post, and thanks for the shout out! I understand your logic behind it now. 😉 Sorry it didn’t work out.

    Might as well take advantage of some good looking person having sexual chemistry with you.


  11. Isn’t a good personality a lot sexier than physical good looks? Especially since you’d had 3 dates already (i.e. plenty of time to get turned off by his lameness).

    • Arwen, darlin’, I think the ladies here have summed it up perfectly.

      And, did you notice that I dumped him? Had he a good personality, I’d still be dating him. I just had sex with the guy, no big whoop. Not to me, anyway.

      BTW, if you are British, and I think you are, the ladies here would lo-o-o-o-o-ve your accent! I know I’m a sucker for them. 🙂

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