I Have This Wild Fantasy…

Wildest FantasySometimes I think I might be a little bit insane. Like most men and women, I fantasize – that much is normal. I fantasize about sex, of course, but I also have bizarre fantasies about men that I often think might qualify me for residency at Shutter Island.

They usually go like this. I think about my most recent love interest (right now it’s Fred, but before him it was Jorge, and before him it was another guy). I envision our future together – but I don’t plan our beachside wedding, pick out baby names or ponder buying our first house together, the way most girls do.

What is this wild fantasy, then?

Picture this…

Scene: Produce section in Trader Joe’s.

Me: (Examines fruit) Fuji apples are the best.
Fred: Fujis, eh?
Me: Yes, they’re perfect – sweet, tart, crisp… the crispness is the key to a good apple. Soft apples suck.
Fred: I’m a Red Delicious man, myself. Can’t go wrong with the classics.
Me: Oh, come on!
Fred: Gimme kiss.

Or sometimes, it goes like this…

Scene: DVD section at Best Buy.

Me: (Picks up copy of Big Momma’s House) When are audiences going to tire of comedians dressing up like overweight women?
Fred: Are you kidding me? That movie was the bomb!
Me: Please. Can you get any more trite?
Fred: Have you seen it?
Me: No.
Fred: Then you have to watch it. We’re getting it.
Me: Fine, but then you’re going with me to Sex & the City II.
Fred: Okay, baby.
Me: Gimme kiss.

That’s it. Mundane, routine, everyday kind of shit. It’s like the “Seinfeld” of fantasies – a fantasy about nothing.

Crazy, right? I mean, if I’m going to dream, shouldn’t I at least dream BIG?

I guess what I’m fantasizing about is just having a happy, healthy relationship in which my man and I live our lives together. I suppose for me, that is big. Because it’s what I really want.

What makes it a fantasy – that is, not reality – is that in it, Fred (or whoever) is not a douche, he’s a good guy. He’s still Fred – same confidence, same sense of humor, all the things I like, only minus the douchiness. He’s someone I can love, who loves me back.

In short, I picture him as the man I want him to be.

In the past, these pipedreams were dangerous, because I’d fool myself into believing them. But now I know I’m dealing with fairy tales. I know that in reality, I’d be hurling Red Delicious apples at Fred’s head.

Oddly enough, I can now have these fantasies without attaching hopes and expectations to them. Some people dream of winning the lottery. This is my lottery.

Why do I waste my time on such fiction, you ask? I don’t mean to. I don’t light candles and lie in bed and intentionally concoct these scenarios. They creep into my mind without my permission, while I’m at Trader Joe’s, or Best Buy or wherever. And by the time I’ve even realized I’m doing it, Fred and I are in the checkout line buying Big Momma’s House on Blu-ray.

My mind has, well, a mind of its own. Maybe I’m a hopeless romantic. Or maybe I’m nucking futs. Or maybe both. So prepare another bed, Shutter Island. Leonardo will be there, right?

27 replies

  1. I actually lived your fantasies for 30 years with my irreplaceable late husband who was the best of the best.BUT– he was still a man and I a woman so there were also plenty of aggravating and frustrating moments too! The bottom line though was that I loved him and he loved me and it doesn’t get any better than that:)))

  2. I am so with you on this. I’ve never pictured what my wedding would be like… I only fantasize about things like watching tv or going out to dinner with a man I’m interested in. Glad I’m not the only one!

      • Well, generally, it involves a car being parked. Or retrieved. Usually, the destination is a shopping centre somewhere or other. And it’s all a bit 1980s retro, too.

        I did once dream that I was on some sort of date in a 1980s retro department store cafeteria (think wicker chairs and lampshades, three-rail plastic guides for the trays and little pink packets of sweetener on all the tables) with somebody called “Lorraine” (which I remember thinking was a terribly 1980s name). But I woke up before much happened.

  3. I totally have these fantasies and im a guy! Something nice about having the knowledge / feeling hey they love you back and you can have the quirky little moments.

    • Yay for another guy having these fantasies! Me likey. Sometimes we think all you want is sex. Because that’s what a lot of guys say. But clearly, they are not speaking for the entire male gender. 🙂

  4. Ok so if I admit to the same kind of fantasies as a guy does that make me the one in need of new accommodation on Shutter Island?

    • No, but it qualifies you to stay at the ADORABLE house! It is so nice to know that men actually think about these things, too!

      Oh, hell, come on down to Shutter Island. The ratio is in your favor – right now looks like there’s 9 girls and 2 guys. The bad news is, the other guy is Leonardo DiCaprio. But still pretty good odds. 🙂

  5. Wow! So many ladies have similar fantasies! I’m glad I’m not the only one. When I wrote “most” girls fantasize about weddings and having babies, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this is just what we *think* women dream about.

    Maybe we don’t belong on Shutter Island after all. Or maybe they need to open up a new wing. 😉

  6. If you ask me, the two fantasies you wrote here almost have a kind of quiet beauty, like a good moment in one of those rare movies which is simultaneously romantic, funny, intelligent, adult, sexy, and realistic.

    However, after you exposed the repellent limitations of Fred’s ‘personality’ and ‘intellect’, seeing you refer to him as your “love interest” is a tad unpalatable.
    Euphemisms have their place, but sometimes the use of them creates a foul effect.

  7. Love love love this post! Fantasies like these take up an unhealthy percentage of my waking moments, so I can’t judge you for having them too 🙂 See you on Shutter Island. I’m a permanent resident.

  8. The everyday fantasies are the best. Depending on what mood you’re in of course, but they’re mostly the best. I always do that too, not much spectacular going on in here.

  9. From all the comments, it sounds like we all have those fantasies, I know I do! Oh, I have the other kind too, but it is these simple ones, that fuel my fire. Now, where’s my beach house?

    Theresa A.K.A SleeplessInSimi

  10. Its good to know I’m not the only one. Sometimes my ‘romantic’ daydreams are so detailed it scares me! And sometimes they last forever. Ah well, at least I know I’m creative eh?

    Do you know what I say? Keep on dreaming girl!

  11. I laughed out loud a couple times reading your post! I am guilty of the same type of day dreams too.

    Here’s to finding real men that we wouldn’t hurl Red Delicious apples at! =)

  12. Ummm…I have a fantasy about curling up the couch with my guy and watching a good slasher flick. That’s normal, right? Right. It’s the little things that matter. 😉

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