I don’t need a man. But I’m happier with one.

Camel - dry spell

A camel can go for 2 weeks without water. That's nice, but I'm thirsty.

My beloved iPhone hasn’t been chirping much lately. And when it does, I’m not reaching for it with excitement, wondering, ooh, is it him?

At the time of this writing (and probably reading), there is no him. I am currently manless. I am not dating anyone and I have no prospects.

Whenever I’m in this state I always contemplate when my next love interest might come along. I don’t mean my next date. It is likely I’ll have several dates before I find a love interest – someone I actually like who likes me back who I’ll have a second and third date with. I wonder, will it be a week – or several months? I’ve had short and long dry spells – how long will this one last?

About three years ago I had a dry spell that lasted nearly a year (I was recovering from a serious heartbreak). That sucked. I don’t want that to happen again. But right now, I just don’t know. This is the beginning of the dry spell. The million-dollar question is, when will it end?

It’s not that I need a man or that I’m unhappy. I’ve been doing the same stuff, going out with friends, painting, writing, working. I’m planning to embark on an incredibly exotic two week vacation in about a month and I honestly can’t wait. My life is good.

It’s just that when I’m without man I get kind of, I dunno, bored or something.

I know, as a modern day woman I’m not supposed to say those types of things. I am supposed to instead sport a bumper sticker that says:

Gloria Steinem“A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”

When I first read that quote in my 20s, I thought, hell, yeah! But now, while I do still agree with it in theory, I’ve just realized that I like the bike. Gloria Steinem would so kick my ass. But then again, even Gloria got married.

I now prefer this quote from perhaps another modern day feminist, Cher:

Cher“I don’t need a man. But I’m happier with one. I like to have someone I can touch and squeeze and kiss. But I don’t fold up and die if I don’t have a man around.”

That pretty much sums it up. I won’t die without a guy. I won’t choke without a bloke. I won’t expire without a squire. Okay, I’ll stop. I was just having some fun with that. I won’t brood without a dude. Sorry. (Feel free to add your own, it’s fun!)

So yeah. The movie of my life does not stop shooting without a love interest. But having one sure does make it more interesting.

Fish with bicycle

38 replies

  1. I’m so loving you single girlie! This seems to be the LA Enigma – lots of great girls and some great guys too but how do they all meet up? You may think at this point I’m about to tell you something insightful, but no, seriously, I’m asking! Ha ha! There is something just strange to me about online dating, even though I have many friends here that have tried it and had it really work. Several weddings I’ve attended have been the result of online dating so I am guessing it works but seems odd for me. It really is that old, if annoying, truth about being cool with being solo and just being happy. I don’t know about you but for me, my best relationships with really great guys were always the result of some random ass meetings! 1) ski lift line, 2) coat check line for an after party at Sundance, 3) through a big work project with a consultant . . . Maybe I should stand in more lines?! LOL. But seriously, I think back to the times I met those guys and it was a) totally random, b) they approached me and c) I was totally unaware of them before they walked up to me because I was having a blast at the time of each meeting. When you’re having fun and not aware of ‘meeting someone’ seems like when it always happens. Also I got a little bummed last year when all my friend, co-workers, family and pretty much everyone I knew seemed to be meeting these great boyfriends, getting married, etc. and then I realized that’s actually kind of encouraging. It’s nice to know there are good people in LA still finding each other and having great, fun committed relationships. I feel like all we hear about are the cads and the bimbos – but none of these people were either, so that’s hopeful!

    • You know what’s funny? I was just listening to the audiobook “When Mars & Venus Collide” (friend gave it to me, thought I’d give it a whirl even though I’m pretty much against dating advice), and the author says women SHOULD need men because men like to feel needed. I’m not sure how much I agree with this but it is an interesting thought.

      I actually don’t know a lot of LA peeps who are having much luck dating. I am glad to know that it IS in fact happening. Thanks for your comment!

  2. My mother always said “Love and murder are very similar, therefore a healthy and successful marriage is a well armed marriage”. I always look and act my best on dates so things go well as possible or if I end up in the funeral home I don’t embarass my family.

    • Well, that is very considerate of you. Your family should be proud. I agree – I’ve always though love and hate were not opposites, love and indifference are.

  3. I won’t die without pie? (wait…what were we talking about…food? no?) I won’t die without a guy? I’m officially lame…

    Maybe Gloria was saying the same thing as Cher…I mean…a fish doesn’t NEED a bike…but man it would sure be cool looking if it could use one?

    • Could be. But seeing as that fish don’t have legs or arms and therefore couldn’t ride the bike if it wanted to, it would seem that Gloria meant a man would be completely useless to a woman. But I love the little cartoon I included. That fish looks pretty damn happy to me. 🙂

  4. Companionship, sharing, and mutual affection(love) is what virtually all of us truly want, but looks, hormones, etc are usually the initial attractions hence dating. Dating: An activity described as fun, but intially dreaded by both parties. Through perseverance, luck, and in spite of ourselves, occasionally the goal achieved.

    • Dating blows. I wish we could just bypass it and get to the good stuff. But then, maybe the torture of dating makes us appreciate the right one when he does come along (for a few months, before we get bored anyway 😉 ).

  5. I won’t brood without a dude, but flap without a chap?
    brings to my sick mind a rather twisted image.

    There is nothing more attractive than a woman that doesn’t need me.

    • Gotta agree with Mike on this one. Your best chance of scoring a prime male is to be satisfied without one. Must be some kind of complicated theory of romance economics to explain this, but it does seem true.

    • Mike – hmm, my mind can be rather twisted but can’t seem to wrap it around the image in yours. Maybe it’s best I don’t know. 😉

      And yes, guys, neediness is never attractive in a man or a woman. There’s a difference between need and want. No one really NEEDS another person, but some people convince themselves they do. Silly love songs don’t help the matter.

      Ben – Not sure about romance economics. Maybe when there’s excess supply, demand goes down?

      • When demand goes up, supply goes down is the way I figure it, but probably works the other way as well. Seems to me I get a lot more attention when I’ve got a girlfriend and I’m not looking for anyone. By the way ladies, I’m taken. 🙂

      • Mikes Comment:
        There is nothing more attractive than a woman that doesn’t need me.

        Bens Comment:
        Your best chance of scoring a prime male is to be satisfied without one.

        I agree with you guys, it’s attractive for us guys when a woman doesn’t need us. They want us, but don’t need us. Like you said SingleGirlie, there is a difference between NEED & WANT. I personally love it when a girl wants me, but less attracted when she needs me. I guess it’s a matter of perspective.

        This is not a silly little love song, but will shed some light into this subject.

  6. Jeffrey Platts had a good post about taking a sabbatical on dating, which I apparently did unwillingly for like 2 years. Anyway, I know what you mean. It’s nice to be free, but sometimes, you just want a guy’s company. Even Gloria did. (and sorry SATC, I don’t want to just end up with my friends as my “soulmates”…they all ended up with guys to go home to anyway…)

    • I’d like to take a permanent sabbatical on dating. Dating kinda blows. I’d rather just skip to finding a guy I like! Alas, it doesn’t work that way, does it? I agree, sometimes you have to take a break from dating. Good point about SATC, right? I cherish my friends, but it’s not exactly the same, is it?

  7. You put my thoughts into words! Life IS good and there is so much to enjoy. BUT, it’s just a little more interesting…exciting…and steamy to have a love interest.

    There seems to be an overall quantity of men in my life right now but very little quality. I’d like this dry spell to end now!

    • Interesting. I do stuff on my own a lot, but going solo to a bar is a toughie. I did that once when I was on a business trip in Vegas. I was afraid people thought I was a prostitute.

  8. Agreed with Cher’s quote wholeheartedly! Dry spells do suck, but that’s your time for YOU to live and grow (and sometimes heal).

    Why is it so hard to find someone you like that likes you back? Seems so simple, right? A hand to hold, arms to wrap yourself in, and cute lil text messages to get through the day. I miss that heart-a-fluttering feeling.

  9. I have been been in this dry spell for exactly 4 weeks now. I have no prospects but I definitely have the desire to call some man my own. I see my friends pairing off and I can’t help but feel a bit of jealously along with my normal joy. I’m now headed to another hormone get together for my friends birthday. I can’t help but hope I’ll run into a cutie there. I know, I’m technically not supposed to.

    • Friends’ parties are a great way to meet people! Much better than bars or online. Sadly, my friends never have parties. Unless they’re children’s birthday parties. Yeah.

  10. Just because you’re with someone doesn’t make life any better or sexier, either. Going through my own “dryspell” of well over a year myself..and I’ve been married nearly 9 years as I now slide into divorce thanks to the cheater’s card. Cherish your independence. Relationships sometimes just muck that enjoyment up.

    • That’s very true. There’s definitely a “grass is always greener” mentality. When you’re single, you want someone; when you’re in a relationship, you want your freedom. We need to just be happy wherever we are in life. And I really do love my independence.

  11. Awwww, I feel your pain. I truly do! Sometimes I wish I just had someone to talk to, text with, someone to have late night conversations with. My life is full of dry spells… and they SUCK.

  12. I feel ya, sister. Sometimes, It’s just nice to have someone to share the little, day-to-day things with, and that makes me miss having a man (or just the prospect of one). But I am also totally happy with my life right now. I don’t need a man. But one does come in handy from time to time…and one can also just make the day better.

  13. But, a fish without a bicycle.. Isn’t it well known that humans LOVE to have stuff around that we don’t -need-? So that argument falls flat right there. Everything IS much more entertaining with a little gent’s attention, that I can admit.

  14. I won’t be sad without a lad? I won’t snap without a chap? Ugh, kinda lame. I’m sorry, I’m not as good at this as you are!

    I’m with you on every word here, lady. My dry spell is two years, which is unconscionable, I know. And I’m definitely bored. Bored enough to conduct online perv-hunting experiments. But I’m optimistic that there’s a real interest around the corner! The end of our dry spells may not be in sight, but it could just be right there in a very very dense fog…

    • Well done! I’m sure your perv-hunting will be fruitful – ain’t no dearth of them online, that’s for sure. And you’re right, dry spells could potentially end tomorrow. Here’s to hoping!

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