Generally speaking, I’m not a huge fan of babies. I mean, I’ve nothing against them — I might even get one someday — but I don’t fuss and coo and go gaga when I see a baby. They’re just not that interesting to me. They’re kinda like fleshy blobs of saliva and poo.
But I will say one thing about babies that I do admire: babies keep it real.
Unlike adults, particularly dating adults, with babies there’s no pretense. You know exactly where you stand with a baby.
If you piss off a baby, you’ll know it. You take their shovel, they will holler or cry or just bite you. Granted, this can be a terrific pain in the ass. Especially the screaming.
But while the noise and the physical violence might not be so charming, there is a flip side.
When a baby likes you, you know it, too.
When a baby sees you, he smiles with all of his being. He widens his eyes, flashes both upper and lower gums, and his entire body convulses.
They are generous with hugs and kisses and will plant a big sloppy one right on the mouth, or butt, or wherever they can reach, for no particular reason at all.
Babies also like to share and give you stuff. They’ll take objects from all over the house – a stapler, the cat dish, your own cell phone – and present them to you as gifts.
All of this, just because they like you.
How incredible would it be if men and women could revert back to babydom and just be 100% authentic with each other when dating? I would love to see two babies on a date.
If it were a bad date, there would probably be a fair amount of shrieking and hitting, but fortunately they’re not that strong, and it would only last a couple minutes before they’d just walk away.
But if it were a good date, there’d be an overflowing bounty of kissing and hugging and laughing and sharing.
My guess is there’d be no waiting three days to call, no playing it aloof, no wondering how the other one really feels.
(It wouldn’t culminate in intercourse, however. So… that’d be kind of a minus.)
New Rule: Stop Frontin’
Sadly, at some point between babyhood and adulthood, we lost much of our ability to genuinely show emotions. We’ve learned that when we show someone we like them, sometimes we get hurt. Consequently, we hide our feelings for self-protection.
But let me throw this out for consideration… wouldn’t we get hurt whether we reveal our emotions or not?
That is, if we like someone, we like them. We can choose whether or not to show it, but the feelings are still there. So if they reject us, there is a good chance we’ll still feel hurt — whether or not they knew we liked them.
What would our dating lives be like if we stopped the charade and threw out The Rules, The Game, He’s Just Not That Into You, Dating for Dummies and all the other bullshit that has assaulted our psyches throughout our journeys to find – dare I say it – true love?
What if we acted with baby-like candor and really, really kept it real? We just might have a chance to connect with each other on a basal level and form impenetrable bonds and feel freeeeeeeee and…
Yeah. I realize it’s unlikely this will happen. Most of us have built up this armor for decades – it’s a part of us now. But I like to dream. I like to think “What if?”
Maybe I’ll start it. Then perhaps I’ll create a karmic vibration that will be felt ‘round the world and humankind will be ever-so-slightly better off for it.
But then again, Judy Blume, maybe I won’t.
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion
“Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.” – Heraclitus
Yessssssssss! And also, to absolutely support your point (and not for some kind of low, louse, internet reasons: http://blog.shankbone.org/2010/03/30/six-reasons-why-adults-suck/)
Oooops it was “lousy”. It was a case of emotional typing, sorry.
Jesus Christ, and the parentheses screwed up my noble link. Being OCD with language, I have to fix it, to make my point (*need a cup of tea, or an aspirin, or something pleasant*)
Here. Now it’s good.
so true! A win win on so many accounts:)
well I have to say, first dating or internet dating is about as raw as it can get – ie. you meet, and if you’re not into each other that’s it. No tip toeing around the issue. I don’t know how much more honest it can get than that, besides your 5 minute date proposal lol. I think the other problem is that people don’t really know what they want most of the time. We think we do but we don’t. Am with you on those books. There should be a nazi-like ban on dating/how to books, ESPECIALLY e-books. Something about that combination is just sickening!
Amusing question, “Why not just cut out the games?” since dating, esp. for the youthful optimists, is a game – sometimes even a bloodsport – engaged in for the amusement of onlooking friends and ego-boosting self. Dating, in a culture in which marriage is disposable, and in which there appear to be no repercussions for the blatant abuse of others’ trust, is a sport, and has financial gains for winners, and big financial losses for the losers, and the most hard-hearted players most often appear to be the biggest winners.
Once one has been “played” enough times, of course (regardless of how many times onesself was the player), and has gotten far enough along the time line to permanent singleness, then the cynicism sets in; the lack of trust, and the sudden burning desire for “simple honesty”. HA!
It ain’t gonna happen! The next one is gonna fool you, too!
Cynicism most certainly does not help when dating. That’s the other cool thing about babies – they haven’t lived long enough for cynicism to set in.
Very Very Good…. This is the perfect example of my new GF and I. Both of us 42 yrs old and Both of us Super Silly since we met. We just tell it like it is and its been so refreshing and Beautiful. We’re both jaded for different reasons but said WTF and just let it all out. We’re Both GoofBalls together and can’t even tell you How Great it feels. Don’t get me wrong, we’re also very serious and have had major discussions about a wide range of subjects, including our dating views. If you can just express how you feel and what you think deep down with someone without fear, that’s not the person you want to be with anyway. Quit ‘Gaming’ the Dating system and you might actually find what you’re looking for. Thanks for the great article!
Aww, that’s a very sweet story, made me smile. 🙂
This is one of the things that I’ll never understand about dating when combined w/the “me” society we’re surrounded by. Everyone says they want someone that’s genuinely honest and doesn’t dance around issues in dating, but due to the atmosphere we’re in, when met w/that very type of person, they’re immediately scrutinized as if something has to be wrong w/them or they have an “angle” of some kind. Perhaps I have too little tact for dating, or the fact I’m 32 now as opposed to early 20’s when last I dated?
The prospect of entering this immediate gratification pool searching for something geniune, then looking at it like it’s a fossil if they find it, is TERRIBLY frustrating for someone who never desired to play games before and now even less that I’ll be a single daddy. Frankly, it makes me wanna take my dating ball and go home forever. What’s the point of being honest or complimentary at all if all it’s going to do is make you more of an oddity to the opposite sex?
It’s actually so rare that someone is authentic with me. The one time it did happen, as I mention below, I was so taken aback I thought he was lying. When I realized he was being genuine, I fell hard. But that’s me. And I also just liked that guy – he had some amazing qualities. Others might react differently. It does get confusing, though. Don’t give up hope. I think it’s about finding the right person for you. Remember, not everyone is going to like you (and vice versa).
I like the whole idea of being open and honest with your feelings towards another person. I agree that we do suppress and don’t share most feelings because we’re afraid that if we let our armor down we’ll get hurt — you’re right, we’d eventually get hurt anyway — but there are times that I don’t let my feelings show because I don’t want to hurt the other person. Which is worse to do; protecting yourself, or protecting someone else?
I think it’s kind to not want to hurt the other person if your feelings toward them aren’t favorable. But I think you can be honest and kind at the same time. You can say something mean like “I think you’re boring and have a big butt” or you can be kind and say “I don’t think we’re the right match.” Because that’s really the truth. Someone else might think she’s interesting and looooves her big butt!
I love this. So true!!
I have a tendency to be open, blunt, honest and if I like a guy I generally make it known. Somehow that just doesn’t work! And all of my psychotic friends tell me maybe I need to play more games!
You just can’t win.
Damned if you do and damned if you don’t, right? Sometimes I feel like mimicking George Costanza from Seinfeld and do the opposite of what I think I should do. But then I get confused about what I think I should do. I think too much.
Maybe it’s all the thinking that’s the problem 🙂
I’ve never read any of those books you’ve listed. I don’t agree with someone telling other people how to fall in love, or how to fool a guy into liking you, or how to mind fuck (can I say that on tv?) another individual so that they don’t know if they’re coming or going…it’s just wrong.
Swingers…great movie, but it kind of fucked the female race over just a bit. Sure, some guys probably played by the whole waiting three days before calling rule, but that flick brought it to the masses and fucked us all. Cuz deep down the male species wants to be Vince Vaughn…but with more hair, of course. Fucking Jon Favreau.
You are right on about Swingers. I actually really like that movie, but think a lot of guys still use it as their dating bible. Yup, they all wanna be Vince (the last time he ever looked good). But they fail to realize that in the end, Jon Favreau is the one who winds up with Heather Graham.
By the way, I don’t think you can say fuck on TV, but you are welcome to say it here anytime.
I tried that actually. It didn’t work out so well. It is an interesting theory though–because all these games? Are just freaking annoying!
Yes, everyone says they hate games then we all play them. One person plays then the other person feels like they have to… in the end, everybody loses at these silly, silly games.
I actually did date one guy who was 100% authentic – gushed over me. At first I thought he was just blowing sunshine up my ass, but after a while I realized that’s just who he was. It was SO refreshing. Loved him. In fact, still not really over that one…
So, you learned a lesson — 20% of the guys don’t play games. Look for those guys. May want to do some self-reflection — how come you know so many people who play games with other people’s feelings?
Hot picture, BTW.
20%? Where’d you get that stat? Is that national? I bet in LA it’s wayyyy lower. And thank you 🙂
Such good points…who would’ve thought that being a baby about relationships might actually be a GOOD thing! I especially enjoyed:
“What would our dating lives be like if we stopped the charade and threw out The Rules, The Game, He’s Just Not That Into You, Dating for Dummies and all the other bullshit that has assaulted our psyches throughout our journeys to find – dare I say it – true love?”
We read so many of these dating books which all give conflicting advice. It is easy to lose your own voice and become super cautious.
I agree with you totally. I think these books just screw with our heads even more and as you said, we lose who we really are.
Ok, I have lived through two babies in my adulthood. And although they are genuine when they smile, they are also very manipulative. They learn very quickly how to push your buttons.
And as for showing emotions, I don’t know. I think the solution would be for guys to be able to read women and for women to be able to read guys. It makes life interesting. As for dating, like everything else, I think of it as a game that way I have to keep a sharp mind.
Noooooooo! No more GAMES. I implore you!!!