Hi folks, this will be my last post for a couple weeks because I’m taking a much needed vacation to an exotic, faraway land. It will most certainly be interesting because I’m traveling with my fabulous gay bf — and he plans to get thoroughly laid.
My gay bf has his own, unique brand of logic, and I’d like to share with you his tips for travel sex.
1. Vacation sex doesn’t count.
My gay bf has been in a relationship for several years, but he reasons that vacation sex doesn’t count. When I asked if vacation herpes counts, he didn’t seem to understand the question.
2. Leave sex to God.
When making ethical decisions, my gay bf often turns to the Universe. Says he: “If I put an ad on Craigslist and no one answers, it wasn’t meant to be. But if someone answers, that’s God saying he wants me to have sex.” Kumbaya, my lord.
3. Screw in a sauna.
My gay bf is very considerate of me and says he would never kick me out of our room so he can get his groove on. He says he’d much rather bang someone in a bath house anyway, so that others can watch. He is SO sweet!
4. Always ask how much time he’s got.
My gay bf learned this lesson the hard way on his last trip to Las Vegas. He was getting it on with a stud he met online who was staying in the same hotel. About five minutes into foreplay, the stud says, “I have to cum right now.” When gay bf asked why, stud said, “Because my wife is going to get out of the shower any minute.” Yup.
5. Go for the happy ending.
When I told my gay bf I was planning on getting a massage during our trip, he thought I meant I wanted to get my rocks off. He said he wouldn’t want a guy rubbing on his naked body with no happy ending, because he would definitely get aroused. When I suggested a female therapist, he made a face like he’d eaten a piece of bad fish.
As for me, I doubt I’ll be getting any, because I’m not really a one-night-stand kinda girlie (anymore). Don’t look so shocked. However, I have made it my goal to French someone. Wish me luck.
Bye, y’all. Blog ya later!
Categories: Totally Random