His pictures looked really hot. He was a musician, had tattoos, pretty face, rockin’ bod. That shit always gets my loins going.
We had three long phone conversations – two more than I usually like to have with an online guy before meeting. I don’t like to establish any kind of rapport or relationship before we meet because I know the real – and only – test is whether or not we click in person.
But he had one helluva sexy voice and was easy to talk to. And our schedules were not matching up so we had to connect via phone a few times to work it out.
I usually don’t give much thought to online guys before I meet them, but I was actually kind of excited about meeting this one. I have yet to experience chemistry with any man I’ve met through a dating site, but I had a strange feeling this one would be “different.”
I nervously gussied up for my date. He said he liked girlie girls, so I wore heels and my new James Perse skirt that showcased my hips and ass — sexy but not slutty. Even my hair was working – praise Jesus – and my makeup, flawless. I have to say, I was a bad mamma jamma.
I drove down to the Manhattan Beach bar where we agreed to meet. I walked in and the place was packed. I didn’t see him, so I sat outside on a bench. A minute later, I heard a man say my name. I looked up, smiled and… what-what-whaaaaaat?
Who the hell are you? I wanted to ask. This isn’t the sexy voice guy with the hot pics… is it? Needless to say, he looked nothing like his photos.
He wasn’t grotesque, but he wasn’t what I expected. It’s like when you put something in your mouth and you’re expecting it to taste sweet but it’s salty instead. It’s just… jarring, and your first instinct is to spit it out.
Why Aren’t You Cute, Dammit?
Before you get your knickers in a twist, I’m not saying the guy has to look like a model. The guy I dated last year was barely 5’7” and weighed 130 pounds – after dinner. But he had a cute face, striking eyes and an enigmatic personality. In short, I found him attractive. And that’s what matters.
But this man I did not find attractive. I kept trying. Honestly. We had a drink and during our conversation I kept searching his face, trying to look for something I might find pleasing. He kind of had nice eyes.
Again, he was not ugly. Some girls may have really dug him. In fact, he told stories about some girls from that site who kind of stalked him. But he just didn’t do it for me. I wasn’t grossed out and I wasn’t moved either.
Maybe I expected too much. I HATE when that happens. My Twitter friend and fellow blogger Nando warns about “in your head” syndrome — endowing the guy with all the qualities you want him to have… but it’s all in your head.
I rarely do this. I’ve been on online dates before and I know better. But I just expected him to look remotely like his photos. And to be great in the sack.
I wonder if he thought he looked like his photos. I don’t think he Photoshopped them, I just think he got lucky with three really good photos. We all take bad photos from time to time. We see them and think, “Yuck! I don’t look like that!” Well, I suppose the same thing can happen with good photos. Except with good photos, we think, “Damn, I’m one good looking motherfucker.”
Of course, his main pic was his driver’s license photo. That should’ve been a tip off. Who uses a driver’s license photo for an online dating site?
Despite his lack of pulchritude (ooh! two-dolla word!), we had a pleasant time, if not blazoned with internal fireworks. Right after I got home, he sent me a text saying he had a great time and we should do it again soon. That was sweet.
I think I’ll give it one more shot. In the past, I’ve written guys like this off immediately, but I’m trying to be more open-minded as I’ve been told I’m ridiculously picky.
It couldn’t hurt to go out with him again. I’m thinking I just need to get shitballs drunk.
Categories: True Story