The other night I met another guy I found through an online dating site.
His pictures looked really hot. He was a musician, had tattoos, pretty face, rockin’ bod. That shit always gets my loins going.
We had three long phone conversations – two more than I usually like to have with an online guy before meeting. I don’t like to establish any kind of rapport or relationship before we meet because I know the real – and only – test is whether or not we click in person.
But he had one helluva sexy voice and was easy to talk to. And our schedules were not matching up so we had to connect via phone a few times to work it out.
I usually don’t give much thought to online guys before I meet them, but I was actually kind of excited about meeting this one. I have yet to experience chemistry with any man I’ve met through a dating site, but I had a strange feeling this one would be “different.”
I nervously gussied up for my date. He said he liked girlie girls, so I wore heels and my new James Perse skirt that showcased my hips and ass — sexy but not slutty. Even my hair was working – praise Jesus – and my makeup, flawless. I have to say, I was a bad mamma jamma.
I drove down to the Manhattan Beach bar where we agreed to meet. I walked in and the place was packed. I didn’t see him, so I sat outside on a bench. A minute later, I heard a man say my name. I looked up, smiled and… what-what-whaaaaaat?
Who the hell are you? I wanted to ask. This isn’t the sexy voice guy with the hot pics… is it? Needless to say, he looked nothing like his photos.
He wasn’t grotesque, but he wasn’t what I expected. It’s like when you put something in your mouth and you’re expecting it to taste sweet but it’s salty instead. It’s just… jarring, and your first instinct is to spit it out.
Why Aren’t You Cute, Dammit?
Physical attraction is important to me and I don’t apologize. I think it’s perfectly natural to want to be attracted to the person you might be groping in the near future.
Before you get your knickers in a twist, I’m not saying the guy has to look like a model. The guy I dated last year was barely 5’7” and weighed 130 pounds – after dinner. But he had a cute face, striking eyes and an enigmatic personality. In short, I found him attractive. And that’s what matters.
But this man I did not find attractive. I kept trying. Honestly. We had a drink and during our conversation I kept searching his face, trying to look for something I might find pleasing. He kind of had nice eyes.
Again, he was not ugly. Some girls may have really dug him. In fact, he told stories about some girls from that site who kind of stalked him. But he just didn’t do it for me. I wasn’t grossed out and I wasn’t moved either.
Maybe I expected too much. I HATE when that happens. My Twitter friend and fellow blogger Nando warns about “in your head” syndrome — endowing the guy with all the qualities you want him to have… but it’s all in your head.
I rarely do this. I’ve been on online dates before and I know better. But I just expected him to look remotely like his photos. And to be great in the sack.
I wonder if he thought he looked like his photos. I don’t think he Photoshopped them, I just think he got lucky with three really good photos. We all take bad photos from time to time. We see them and think, “Yuck! I don’t look like that!” Well, I suppose the same thing can happen with good photos. Except with good photos, we think, “Damn, I’m one good looking motherfucker.”
Of course, his main pic was his driver’s license photo. That should’ve been a tip off. Who uses a driver’s license photo for an online dating site?
Despite his lack of pulchritude (ooh! two-dolla word!), we had a pleasant time, if not blazoned with internal fireworks. Right after I got home, he sent me a text saying he had a great time and we should do it again soon. That was sweet.
I think I’ll give it one more shot. In the past, I’ve written guys like this off immediately, but I’m trying to be more open-minded as I’ve been told I’m ridiculously picky.
It couldn’t hurt to go out with him again. I’m thinking I just need to get shitballs drunk.
Categories: True Story
A little off the subject…but, I’ve decided that men are about 90% figments of our imaginations and perhaps 10% real.
I really want to know how it went on your second date and if it changed your opinion of his looks? I met a guy last night that looked NOTHING like his photo. I couldn’t find one thing similar to his photo. I was thinking to myself, “Where is the guy in the photo because THAT was who I was supposed to meet.” I have met plenty of guys from online and this is a first for me and I’m jarred to say the least. It has been plaguing me all day today. I keep staring at his picture and flashing back to the face I spoke to for an hour last night and I really cannot find a resemblance. Ugh!
Actually, yes, we went on a second date and we’ve now been together almost a year and a half! You can read about our second and third date here:
Eh – one time I met a tattooed musician online who looked bangin’ – and then we met in person and he was 30 pounds heavier.
You’re allowed to picky, mama. Especially when it comes to possible chronic liars. And / or ugly dudes.
Hmmm… must read more. Did Tom get hotter? 😉 Going to find out!
If you can believe it, I’m actually more of a Flesh Minotaur in person.
It’s good to be Denny Dance.
If anything, you go out again for the story. And the shitballs drunk.
That’s right. He pays. 🙂
Don’t drunk-date! You’ll agree to things. Unspeakable things 😉 And in my case, I’ve had to make a distinction between “being open-minded” and having an “open-door policy.” For the record, the open door policy is a terrible idea. Thanks to my open door policy of years ago, whenever I hear the name “Bobby,” I feel an inexplicable urge to vomit.
Unspeakable, but not unbloggable, right? 😉
Hell, no open door. Just tryin’a give a bloke a 2nd chance. Plus I don’t have anything else going on so what the fugg.
Bobby’s a pretty common name. Sorry, hope you didn’t vomit just then.
I am so with you on the “only one phone call before meeting” rule. Granted I’m not in the game, but if I was, I would TOTALLY employ that. No reason to fall for a voice if I don’t like the bod…
Thank you. Finally someone with some sense around here. 😉
Nothing wrong with being picky, especially when searching for a mate. Why should you settle? If you’re looking for someone for the long haul, why shouldn’t you have someone that “does it for you”? Also, red flags are red flags for a reason and we should NEVER ignore them. I’ve made this mistake too many times. If you’re not on board by the end of the second date, jump the fuck off the ship!
Ya know, I’m totally with you on that. But I don’t think going on a 2nd date with the dude would be considered settling. Just feeling it out. Maybe I was too in shock on the 1st date. And I’m bored, so what the frig?
Your use of the word pulchritude was awesome!
This is why I am now sticking to the 10-minute first “date” rule. Because I have spent too many nights stuck on dates with guys who put up pictures that are very old, or look nothing like them, or just head shots and describe their body as “athletic” (and I don’t consider couch surfing a sport). It’s annoying.
Ohhh, yes! I blogged about this a few weeks ago – The 5-minute Date. I’ll give him 10. A lot of peeps dug it, but some jumped on my shit. I’m down, girl.
Girl, I can’t say that I blame you since I was the same way when it came to dating. Perhaps a little too picky in the looks dept. but then again just like you I had my share of my average looking guys. I don’t blame you since I feel he knew exactly what he was doing when he was posting pics that look NADA like him. That’s one thing about online dating that always worried me, some dudes really do some false advertisement.
I know you’re gonna have better luck and at least you’re honest about your feelings and expectations. He doesn’t dot it for and that’s it, you don’t settle or let the attraction come. I like that about you 😉
Ya know, I’m trying something different. I have friends who say they weren’t initially attracted to their husbands, but they grew on them and now they’re totally happy. This hasn’t happened for me thus far, but you never know I suppose! But I really can’t put out for someone I’m not digging physically.
Girls are way more guilty of this.
Oh, blargh. Let’s not do the men v. women thing. Both parties do this and either way, it sucks.
I wonder what would happen if we (I include myself since I do not do this YET either) all started telling people if they look nothing like their photos (and be prepared for them to do it back). I think it might actually get people to use more appropriate photos and frankly I’m dying to be assured or told otherwise about whether or not my pics look like the real me. Can’t wait to hear how the second date goes…I’m thinking I might need to be a little more open these days.
Yeah, I’m prolly too nice to say that to someone. Unless they asked point blank. Even then it’d be hard. I’d be all, well… kinda.
Ugh. I do not understand this! It’s happened to me twice. Both times the guys’ pictures were side-view head shots. I’ve learned my lesson!
I’m usually pretty good at judging whether someone will look decent in person. Must have at least one full on head shot and a body shot. Then more. This one threw me for a loop.
Well, it’s good you’re giving him a second chance. As good as technology’s gotten there’s a weird division between the people that think it makes them look 100 times better and those that think it makes ’em 100 times worse every time. I’ve always fallen into the latter group. Hence, I’m avoiding online dating as long as I possibly can. Question is: are women more inclined to take a chance on humility or the proverbial “shirtless mirror pic” guy instead?
Honey bunny, some women will like the shirtless mirror guy and some chicks won’t. It all depends on what they dig. Personally, I wouldn’t go for that look. Cheeseball.
Oh lord. Yeah the thing about pictures, you have to use it as a VERY rough guideline, because scientifically speaking NO ONE will look exactly like their photos. People either look better than their photos, or worse, but never the same.
Ya know, I agree – rarely do people look exactly as attractive as their pics – sometimes it’s better and sometimes worse. But usually I can at least recognize the person. This guy would’ve walked right by and I wouldn’t have known it was him. Hence, my shock.
Is that catching? I mean it seems like everyone is having that experience lately!!! I spent six hours on the phone with a guy one night only to meet him that morning for coffee and be totally sad by his lack of matching his photos and/or phone persona.
Eh, good on you for trying again. Shitballs drunk is how I will be on all my dates moving forward.
That blows. Maybe something’s in the stars. Shitballs drunk is the only way to go, sista!
Aw! I hate that! Has happened to m e too, and sometimes it’s just inevitable. I like “in your head” syndrome, good way of putting it. Good luck on date #2.
Thanks, love. Yeah, I guess it’s happened to all of us at one time or another.
God…I truly feel bad for the male gender whenever I read your blog for you sheer honesty but I am always amazed, amused and hands down love it! 🙂
😦 I’m not mean to them! Dude shouldn’t have deceived me. But thank you for the kind words, my sweet. 🙂