The other night, Tom and I got into our first little spat. Essentially, he complained that I don’t want to see him as much as he wants to see me.
And it’s true, I don’t. He wants to see me almost every day and that’s just a bit much for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t like him. I do – a lot. But I’m very independent and I’m not one of those people who needs to be with their significant other 24/7. (Wait… is he my significant other?)
Take these two situations:
Franka and Anthony: Siamese Twins
My friend Franka is with her boyfriend every damn minute of the day. They cannot do anything apart. I invite her to come over, she brings him. I take her out to lunch, he’s in tow. It’s like girlfriend has sprouted a 200-pound growth from her ass, and its removal is life-threatening. I like the guy a lot, but her inability to function without him annoys the hell out of me.
Joseph and Jocelyn: Separate Lives
I have another friend, Joseph, who recently married his sweetheart of seven years. When they were dating, they only saw each other on the weekends. I was surprised that two people who had been dating so long hung out so little, but apparently it worked for them.
Which is right? I think perhaps different folks have different expectations when it comes to relationships. There is not necessarily a right or wrong choice, but the two parties involved should be in agreement.
I think at this point in my relationship with Tom, an arrangement that falls in between the two situations above would be ideal for me. I’d like to see him perhaps once during the week and then hang out on the weekend (but not all weekend).
Unfortunately, Tom thinks if I really liked him I’d want to see him as much as he wants to see me. He says when he is with someone, she is his partner, and he wants to be with her all the time. I find that rather suffocating.
I Got Shit to Do!
I have a lot of crap to take care of during the week. Last weekend I didn’t get my laundry done because I was with Tom. I had to resort to wearing goddamn granny panties this week because that’s all I had left in the drawer. And I’ve got mail to sift through and a callous to PedEgg. I am sometimes bewildered that people hold full time jobs and still get domestic duties done.
And of course, I need to write! This silly little blog I’ve got here may be just that — but it’s important to me and I love writing. However, Tom doesn’t know about it, so how do I explain that I can’t see him because I want to write about him? That opens up a whole other can of worms. Ohh, mama. Not yet.
Maybe I’ve just been single for so long I’m accustomed to having a lot of time for myself, and I’ve come to value it. Maybe being in a relationship means you’re supposed to sacrifice some of your alone time to be with the other person. Maybe it’s just an adjustment I need to get used to.
Or maybe I’m scared shitless.
Is he a space invader or just a normal… b… boy… (c’mon, you can say it!) boyfriend? Whoa, the forbidden word! (We have not actually used this term, by the way.) I’m not sure how to resolve this issue of time, but I imagine a compromise is in order. Is this possible?
When we’re together, I have a wonderful time. I’m not thinking about the other crap I should be doing. But I cherish my me time, too.
Perhaps I should be grateful – I have a sweet, caring man who likes me so much he wants to be with me all the time. It could be a hell of a lot worse. I’ve had a hell of a lot worse.
I suppose I really shouldn’t be complaining at all. But then again, that wouldn’t seem right, either.
How much time do you like to spend with your significant other? How much is too much? How much is too little?