Where Are My Freaking Flowers?

flowersI didn’t get them.

But another girl at work did. It was her birthday. Everyone scurried over to her cubicle to admire the arrangement and coo, “Awwww, they’re beautiful, your boyfriend is so sweet!”

Inside, we’re all thinking, “Lucky bitch. Why don’t I ever get flowers at work?”

Or was that just me?

I’ve never received a bouquet of flowers, fruit, sex toys or anything else at work. And I’ve always wanted to. Every time I see a delivery boy enter the office I quietly hope they are for me, even if I’m not dating anyone. Ohhh, Peter must really be sorry for what he did to me four years ago! Flowers! What a lovely surprise!

But every time, delivery boy walks past me and hands them to someone much, much less deserving.

When do I get to be the lucky bitch? I want the other office wenches to look upon me with jealous eyes as one day the bouquet comes to me.

“Oh, my gosh!” I’ll exclaim. “I can’t believe he did this!” Then I’ll smile sweetly, knowing that today, I am the hated one.

I’ll cast aside the candy bowl of Dum Dums and display the bouquet prominently on my desk so that everyone can seethe as they walk past my office.

Oh, yes, it will happen. It WILL happen. You hear me, Universe?

Now if you’ll excuse me, there is a vase full of roses, lilies and baby’s breath that must be accidentally tipped over.

47 replies

  1. I LOVE flowers. My ex husband NEVER sent them to me and I always wanted him to send them to me at work. Now, with Doctor Boy? He’s already sent or given me flowers three times. There’s something to be said for flowers. Not gonna lie. Swoon. And you deserve them!

  2. Flowers aren’t all they’ve cracked up to be…if you’re wishing for things from a man…I’d be crossies for first class tickets somewhere…Just Sayin’.

    That being said *pushes that bitches flowers over and runs out of office*

      • Do they deliver sex toys..?

        Also, you might consider posting your address on the Internet if you want the flowers so badly. As a woman on the Internet, you must have at least 6 creepy stalkers, times 2 because you’re a blogger… 12 stalkes should be able to pool their moneyand buy you some.

  3. I hate to say it but many years ago I was the one that received a balloon bouquet on my birthday at work. I hate to say it because I am a guy.

    Still all the ladies in the company I worked for at the time were jealous. I guess it must be in women’s DNA or something???

    First and last time anything like that has ever happened to me, I was so embarrassed.

    • Were they from a girl? Were the ladies you worked with all lesbians?

      Embarrassed? You need to flaunt that, sugar! Although you might come back to a bouquet of mysteriously popped balloons after lunch.

    • WHAT??? Those were for me? That bitch Brenda Woo in finance usurped them and claimed them as hers!

      I now regret burning the dick pic and stomping the CD with my stiletto. Send another please? But I prefer an antique tone. Thx! xoxoxox

  4. Denny and I would be happy to send you flowers at work – or even assorted chocolates, or BOTH! For realz. Just do what Vodka and Ground Beef did: call up the flower shop, have them deliver the chocolates/bouquet, and have them sign the card: “From Denny and Dr. Cynicism, who are blinded by your shining presence. Keep making the world a better place, as you tip over flowers that other coworkers get.”

    See? Problem so totally solved.

  5. Single girlie, there’s a quick, easy recipe for receiving flowers, especially if you have a man. It’s called ‘withhold sex’. Your cube will be stuffed with all sort of Begonias, Forget Me Nots and Mums (a good autumn flower.)

  6. i cant complain ive been spoilt in that regard by previous boyfriends, the best one was a guy i had been dating for 3 weeks and i got a dozen long stem roses and chocolate delivered to my work… weird thing was i hadnt told him the building or address where I worked… nonetheless…lol i enjoyed them.

  7. I’ve never gotten anything delivered to work but the boyfriend knows that I pretty much hate flowers because, as pointed out above, THEY DIE. And that’s a waste of money to me.

    Now chocolate on the other hand…I’ll have to trick him into sending me some of that.

    • Chocolate dies too… in your mouth. Then takes on a new life on your ass. They both disappear, I suppose.

      Again, I don’t care what it is. Just send something to make me the envy of the office! 😉

  8. Yeah, the only thing I’ve gotten at work is scared senseless when bf hid from me and jumped out. At night. When we were totally alone there. I don’t think I will ever forgive him.

  9. I have never gotten flowers.

    Just like, ever. Yeah. Sad eh?

    I take V-day off for the very reason that I can’t watch the women in the office get these pretty smelly things I don’t and never have.

    Ok I’m going for a cry now lol

    • You know, I used to have the same attitude about flowers. They die, I don’t want them. But somewhere along the line I changed my tune and now I LOVE flowers. I don’t care if they die, they’re pretty for a few days and make me feel happy.

      But really, it’s more about the surprise & sentiment. The guy could also send one of those edible arrangements or something like that. Blue box is nice, too. But it’d have to have balloons or something equally showy attached to it so as to make a spectacle for everyone to see and envy. 😉

  10. Ugh, I totally hear you. I think every woman secretly (not so secretly?) wants to have flowers sent to her office.

    I had a friend from Florida send me a box of chocolates once as a thank-you for sending her Canada-care packages after she moved. I’ve also had an old co-worker send me flowers and a card as a thank-you for helping her land a new job, but never from a boy. Not even on my birthday.

  11. I got flowers at the office ONCE…on my birthday from a guy I had been on 3 dates with. Cute? Yes. Overdone? Hell yes. I didn’t like him that much, he was WAY overzealous and like a puppy dog. Good thing no one noticed the flowers since reception called my work phone to come get them! (I dumped him a week later.)

    But then again…I did get flowers! 😉

    • That’s the thing. It’s WONDERFUL if sent by a guy you like. If it’s a guy you don’t like, it’s icky. But then, I’m kind of into that romantic crap. I’ve had guys win me over with stuff like that.

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