Trying to navigate the complex world of dating, sex and relationships is a rough game. Oftentimes, boys and girls have questions they are too embarrassed to pose to their parents, clergymen or neighborhood prostitute.
Luckily, there is Single Girl Blogging.
The good folks at WordPress inform me daily which search engine terms people are typing in that lead to my blog. It has come to my attention that there are some very misguided individuals surfing the interwebs. I believe is it kismet that brought these lost souls to me, and it is my duty to address their queries with the utmost compassion and candor.
The phrases that appear in bold below are actual search terms people used to find my blog. They have not been edited. I suggest you read through my responses carefully, as this is sage wisdom coming from a girl with a blog.
20 Questions and Answers About Sex, Love and Farts
Q: do men expect anal sex will they leave or cheat if you won’t
A: Honey, it depends on the guy. If the dude is super into butt play, then it’s possible. But don’t despair, some guys are not keen on the idea of getting poop on their peen. This is the man for you. (Me too.)
Q: women dating advice his dick is the size of a pinky
A: Do it doggie style. It will feel slightly bigger. Sadly, I have experience with this.
Q: i’m a single girl i like to have sex how can i have
A: Easy peasy! http://losangeles.craigslist.org/cas/
Q: is there a single girl out there who is a perve
A: Yes! See above.
Q: what would happen if a girl fart on your dick
A: An air bubble will be passed from her anus to your urethra, which will subsequently travel to your bladder and implode, thereby forcing urine out of your pores and every bodily orifice. I recommend avoiding if possible.
Q: why do girls laugh at my small peepee??
A: Because it’s funny, yo! And calling it a peepee doesn’t help.
Q: my bf was fingering me and then has gooey stuff on it
A: Oh, sweetie, that just means he’s doing it right.
Q: what is the easiest way to make a woman fart in front of you?
A: Cook her a loving, homemade meal of pinto beans and broccoli. Then just wait.
Q: she-male dick ass penis breast anal sexy.
A: Not sure how this search phrase led to my blog. When did I say “breast”?
Q: are happy endings common in Thailand
A: Yes, they are. I learned the hard way.
Q: why do girls never make the first move
A: Because we’re pussies. We don’t want to be rejected any more than anyone else does. Then we hide behind the notion that men like to “hunt” and should therefore make the first move. It’s very convenient. (Disclaimer: This is why *I* don’t make the first move. Other women may have different reasons.)
Q: i want to sexy boy e mail adess who want any person fuck him
A: Sigh. Once again, http://losangeles.craigslist.org/m4m/
Q: the girls asked us to flick out our cocks so they could measure them ron had an 8 inch cock, had a 7 inch cock , they laughed at my 4 inch cock
A: Well, of course they did, Tiny Tim. Here’s a tip: don’t flick out your cock while amongst friends who are hung like horses. Or in any group situation, for that matter.
Q: help for women when they have to go toilet infront of boyfrnds
A: Close the door. If possible, play loud music. Bring matches. Read this.
Q: why guys call a girl psycho when she gets upset over a breakup?1
A: Because it makes them feel less guilty about breaking up with her. If she gets upset, it’s because she’s “psycho,” not because of anything he did.
Q: my father’s weenie gets hard
A: That just means he’s healthy. But how in God’s name would you know that? Sicko!
Q: i’m i love with someone i slept with a couple of times
A: No you’re not, sweet pea. That’s just the oxytocin speaking. It’ll wear off.
Q: where the f*ck is my prince
A: He does not exist. Every man will have flaws that annoy the shit out of you. The trick is to find the one whose flaws annoy you at a reasonably tolerable level.
Q: can you put a tampon up arse to stop farting
A: No, silly buns. And I don’t suggest you try it unless you are prepared to explain when a feminine product goes shooting out your ass.
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