Last week I wrote about how women should not be shamed or embarrassed for having sex in abundance. And while I stand behind every word 100 percent, my conscience (and a Twitter follower) started to niggle at me just a wee bit.
So here I am, doing the responsible thing. I know, I know.
I had considered adding an STD disclaimer to the post, but wanted the focus to remain on societal attitudes toward women’s sexuality, not veer into the repercussions of casual sex. It was a writer’s choice.
I trust everyone knows that unprotected sex and sometimes even protected sex have the potential to lead to viruses and infections and other dangerous situations like 10-pound humans emerging from your vag. And the more partners you have, the more your risk goes up, as I mentioned in this post.
And if you didn’t know, I’m telling you now. That’s just the deal, folks.
However, this deal goes for both men and women alike. So if we’re going to frown upon having a bountiful number (and what is bountiful, anyway?) of sexual partners, let’s frown in a non-discriminatory way, shall we?
That’s all I’m sayin’.
Actually, it’s not. Don’t frown. You’ll get frown lines. And judging others is lame. That doesn’t negate my other point: STDs are real. And a bad thing.
Um, can I go now?
P.S. Sorry to be a killjoy.
P.P.S. Wear a condom. Always.
P.P.P.S. Even if you wear condoms, you can still get herpes or warts or crabs. And condoms can break.
P.P.P.P.S. My conscience is somewhat clearer, but I feel like your mom.
P.P.P.P.P.S. I snickered a little when I wrote “P.P.” Maybe not so much your mom.
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion
I appreciate the herpes cure from Robinsonbuckler [[@yahoo]] .com………
My sweet..any way I can’t found this how can’t we getting fun this time..now I m lone in my home..but so boring…and my hot pistol is need a pappet how can’t u cover line and come in said but very sofe open my home door n we cant be take a long time so mach..I can’t give u a money..or wan’t ever how u want..
Definitely, it’s so important that people need to know they are not invincible against stds and they’re not sluts or whores for getting them. Sometimes it could be the first person you’ve slept with you give you something, don’t fret, take care of it and make sure to always wear a condom even though they don’t protect against all stds or pregnancies!
Completely agree. Thanks!
“P.P.P.S. Even if you wear condoms, you can still get herpes or warts or crabs. And condoms can break.”
So…why wear condoms then?
Doh! You got me, Dumps! Just go effing bareback.
Okay, okay. In my “being responsible” kick, I guess I should clarify in case some confused youngsters (or oldsters) are reading. Condoms can *reduce* your chance of getting herpes or warts, but since condoms can’t cover the entire, ya know, rod, there still may be skin to skin contact so it’s possible to get them. But crabs, well, since they live in the pubes, I don’t think a condom will do much good. Perhaps invest in a shower cap for your pubic hair.
Happy you added this caveat! When it comes to judgement…well, we can’t control other people’s thoughts which ultimately don’t matter. But when it comes to health and self-care, that is COMPLETELY within our power and it DOES matter…A LOT. If we’re going to be bold and take risks, then we must do so intelligently.
PS – PPS is my favorite…followed by PPPS.
You’ve got star power singlegirlie!
Well put, Chile! Oh, and thanks 🙂
As to the “number” and risk of STD, here is what seems to me an interesting discussion on risk of HIV transmission here:
In the particular case of HIV, the hetero epidemic in Africa is spread by men with a high number of women partners per year (due to very different contagion risk in the man-woman and woman-man cases).
«shamed or embarrassed for having sex in abundance.»
There is a very large difference between “sex in abundance” and “being a user of many casual partners”, and your previous post was about the latter as in «If 19 is a lot then I’m Superho». There is a large difference also as in risk of STDs.
Both for males and females of whatever orientation.
As to the old issue of «If 19 is a lot» and «It’s all about individual choice and if you don’t want to, bloody hell, don’t do it. I’m just saying don’t judge those who do.» let’s do a deal: you don’t judge those who just pump-and-dump women with a high count and only have LTRs with women with a low count, because it is their individual choice, and they will not judge you for having a high count.
No deal! Because what you say is true: there is a difference between sex in abundance and being a user of many casual partners. Operative word being “user.” I don’t judge men or women for whatever their number might be. But I don’t think it’s okay if that number was reached by being a complete douchebag. By “pump and dump” it sounds like you’re talking about someone who pretends to like someone just to get in their pants then bails when they get what they want. If there’s mutual pumping and dumping, it’s fine. But intentionally hurting someone – or being selfish and not giving a shit whether you hurt someone – is not.
«difference between sex in abundance and being a user of many casual partners. Operative word being “user.”»
Perhaps I was not clear enough, but for me the operative word here is «many», because you could have had «sex in abundance» with a small number of longer term partners.
For example by having some longer term fuckbuddies or friends with benefits (which requires some planning in advance though).
«By “pump and dump” it sounds like you’re talking about someone who pretends to like someone just to get in their pants then bails when they get what they want.»
I was talking about it as the male version of the «user of many casual partners» attitude, without any reference as to pretending or not, which is a separate issue from “number”; the kind of attitude described here:
«but maybe every three months I’d be at a party and meet a guy. We start making out and we’re into each other and my vag starts to growl, sort of like how my stomach growls when it’s hungry. I don’t deprive myself of food when I’m starving, so why would I deny myself sex when I’m horny?»
From your description you did not pretend anything to your casual partners, as you describe a clear appetite for NSA sex, but if your partners did not get that as clearly as they should have, without you intending it sometimes you may have done this:
«being selfish and not giving a shit whether you hurt someone»
but let’s hope the casual partners you have used never mistook your appetite for feelings.
Finally I find sad that you write:
«If there’s mutual pumping and dumping, it’s fine.»
Because the overall impression I get is that for you sex has been mostly a bodily function, like as you say eating, and that intercourse for you is a bit like sharing a plate of nachos, and of course it does not then matter then to you how many different people you shared a plate with.
But to some other people intercourse always (whether they want it or not) involves something more than a bodily function (for both males and females, and I think it particularly happens with males), and they often think that “something more”, however weak, does get affected not positively by number of partners used (whatever the expectations by either party) more than by the total amount of sex.
The point as to this discussion however is that some ore most STDs much “prefer” less frequent sex but with many casual partners to more frequent sex but with a few constant partners.
HAHAHA! This P.S. section is hilarious! Thanks for sharing.
🙂 Thanks! I was really going back and forth. Man, what a buzzkill. Yeah, but it’s important. Yeah, but it sucks. Yeah, but…
And let’s face it…those who are going to judge, are going to judge no matter what you say or do. And I agree with bob.
Oh, it’s sooooo true. If you’re worried about people judging you, then you’re up shit creek because there will always be someone who will judge. You can decide if you give their judgement any credence.
Very classy of you to add this addendum to your previous piece. Play safe kids!
Thanks, Bob. I felt it was important. I mean I’d HOPE people would know this, but ya know. Reality check.