A Clothing Optional Christmas

This holiday season, my gay bf had his heart set on vacationing at a clothing-optional gay resort in Palm Springs, a.k.a. Gay Mecca. Because like most red-blooded Americans, he wanted to wake up on Christmas morning surrounded by packages.

Alas, after much searching, gay bf discovered that Gay Mecca books up quickly during the holidays, and not a room was available. He couldn’t even get in through the back door.

Dejected and sad, gay bf has been moping around of late. He was really looking forward to celebrating the birth of Christ with a good ol’ fashioned same-sex orgy filled with six-packs. And I’m not talking about beer.

Initially, I didn’t want to burst his bubble, but I thought a little dose of reality might help the situation.

When men fantasize about nude resorts, nude beaches and the like, they nonsensically imagine the attendees to resemble Sofia Vergara and Joe Mangianello. Even if they themselves look more like Danny DeVito.

When I was just out of college, I traveled to Europe with some girlfriends. We met some guys along the way and they got all worked up about going to a nude beach in the south of France. When we arrived, they were in for a rude awakening.

The Expectation:

The Reality:

I’m willing to bet my boobs that the experience at the nude resort is similar. Attempting to lift his spirits, I let gay bf in on the secret.

The Expectation (and image portrayed on resort website):

The Reality:

Gay bf feels a little bit better now. Nevertheless, he says he is going to book early next year.

Sigh. That’s a man for you.


Ever been to a nude beach, resort or church social? What was your experience?

10 replies

  1. Ha, while its true you wont find models at clothing optional retreats, you dont always find 80 something year olds only as well.

  2. Re: photo “https://singlegirlblogging.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/beach2.jpg?w=378&h=507” and similar, that IS often the reality. For some of us, knowing such *actual* diversity is its own reward. For others it’s still a just consequence, in its own way.

  3. yeah i agree with ivy. i am no model so out of kindness and want the workd to be a better place i will keep my clothes on

  4. Hahaha yeah I ended up on a nude beach once… went a bit too far along the shoreline and et viola nekkid people everywhere… and no, most really did not look all that great. Let’s face it, unless you are about 18 and very fit- most of us look better with some clothes on. And by that I do not mean it from a prudish point of view. I really could not care less if someone is naked but still… it is not all that appealing look-wise most times.

    • Whoa, “viola nekkid people everywhere”! I bet that was a surprise!

      Yeah, I’m no prude. There’s nothing wrong with the naked body. But American men get so excited about these nude places until they get there and see that it’s not just pretty people that are naked. In fact, it’s rarely the pretty people.

  5. Yes I’ve been to a nude beach once n several times to nude parks. Ok, hold n there, I wasn’t obsessed but just it happened that I was once living in a country where FKK or Freikörperkultur was (and perhaps still is) widely followed. You go to parks in Berlin for example n easily find people there lying naked. Though I must admit that the devoted follower of the FKK are mostly, well, elderly. But if you’re lucky, you can still see 18years old girl topless swimming in the beach among them. ( She certainly got everybody’s attentions that time). But what attracted me the most, three middle age men, lying all together naked side by side n not starring at each other tools, lol. Oh you can also find them hiking naked through the nature. It was an interesting experience.

    • Wow, I just learned so much just from reading your comment. Nude parks? I had no idea. FKK, huh? Now I know why Germans are so obsessed with sausage.

      Thanks for the lesson!

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