What can I say about condoms? I’m going to be frank here and say the thing you’re not supposed to say out loud in a public forum because it’s not, well, responsible. But everybody knows the truth. People don’t use condoms because they don’t feel good.
But you know what else doesn’t feel good?
- A burning sensation when you pee
- Itchy vulva
- Anal lesions
- Having to call former partners to inform them of your anal lesions
- Inflamed scrotum
- That awkward moment when the guy stops eating you out because “it smells like rancid possum bowels down there”
- Taint blisters
- Unwanted baby bursting forth from your loins
- Cervical cancer
Hm. Suddenly, condoms don’t sound so bad after all, do they?
In the name of VD (why, Valentine’s Day, of course!), my friends at Lucky Bloke* are offering free condoms and lube for a month to one of my lucky readers! Their subscription deal is pretty kick ass. Just order online and they come straight to you – no more awkward situations with the 80-year-old granny cashier at Walgreens.
They’ve got all kinds of brands (Durex, Trojan, Kimono, Astroglide, Wet + more) and come in all shapes, colors and flavors (pleasure-shaped, wildberry, studded… wait. Studded?), so whatever your kink or fancy, these guys have got you covered.
Oh, and the best part? Ten percent of all sales go to humanitarian causes, including charity: water, UNICEF, and It Gets Better Project.
I also want to mention that this is not a “sponsored story” and Lucky Bloke is not paying me to write this post. I just want you guys to protect yourselves and think this sounds like a pretty sweet deal. And if there’s any small part I can do to promote safe sex, then I’m all for it.
And by the way, it’s not one of those things where you give your credit card up front then they keep charging you after the free month. I checked.
Shut up and tell me how I get my free condoms and lube!
Okay, it’s super easy.
- Leave a comment describing your most embarrassing condom buying experience
- Leave a comment describing your funniest condom or lube experience
- If you don’t feel like sharing the sordid details of your condom history, just write “Enter me, girlie!”
- You can also @ or DM me on Twitter @singlegirlie saying “Hey! @singlegirlie and @theluckybloke are RAD! Now gimme free stuff!”
Enter by February 13, 2012. Don’t worry, it’s all totes confidential. So slap one of those slippery suckers on and let’s have some SEX!
*By the way, ladies, don’t let the name discourage you. It’s for Lucky Ladies, too. Did you know more than 50% of condom sales are made by us chickies? The smarter sex, obviously.
Categories: Totally Random
Enter me, girlie!
Hi dear, this contest ended some time ago. Thanks for being safe, though!
Enter me, girlie!
Hey sweetie, this is an old blog post and the contest ended ages ago. Sorry 😦
Going to the shops get to the checkout and sex partner gets embarrassed walks out and leaves me with the box, gets to the checkout looking like a tomato when a friend of my mothers was the lady and told my mother
Enter me, girlie!
Hey sweetums, the contest ended some time ago. Sorry, but thanks for trying! 😦
Alrighty, it’s time to announce the winner of the condom subscription giveaway! And the lucky bloke is… @TheReal_GMoney, who entered via Twitter!!
The name was drawn at random by a computer, so don’t hate me, hate the computer.
But I’ve got GREAT news! Lucky Bloke is extending a special sampler pack to all who entered. Just send an e-mail to getlucky[at]luckybloke.com and they’ll get you all set up. I’ll be e-mailing you with this same info as well.
Thanks to all who entered. Happy un-VD, y’all. Stay safe.
Enter me, girlie. I def do not have any embarrassing condom stories or good lube/condom stories. Sadness plus I haven’t had sex since last year so I can barely remember sex lol
OK, hun. Luckily, last year wasn’t really *that* long ago, but I do feel your pain…
Enter me, girlie! 🙂
You got it, girlfriend!
I just think you should give this to me because I haven’t had sex in about 2 years and I believe this gift bag is the only thing that will stop my body from involuntarily entering a nunnery.
A compelling case, indeed. We need to get your motor running, girl!
I remember years ago as a high school virgin with my first girlfriend stumbling through my first purchase. Being from a small town I figured for sure the cashier was going to tell my folks.
Thought I was going to die!
Oh, I know. As a youngster I always left the condom buying up to the guy. It was bad enough buying tampons. Now I don’t really give a shit.
I still usually leave condom buying to the guy – I figure, he knows what his penis likes. But I always have some on hand, just in case.
So Bob, you want in the contest?
It was three days after meeting my now beautiful fiancée some years ago. We’d met at a party and barely remembered a thing the following day besides having our tongue down each other’s throats for most of the evening. I really liked her though (like really, really) and I just tried to play it cool and we started hanging out, watching movies, going out drinking, sleeping in the same bed all at the same time subconsciously postponing the sex for as long as possible.
I’m not sure why, I think we were trying to see if we really had something or not and I didn’t want to push anything. Anyway three days had passed and it was in the middle of the night after coming back to hers from some drinks in the city. I remember saying something like, “I can’t wait any longer… this is driving me crazy!”, and she was like yeah lets have sex NOW.
She didn’t have any condoms, I didn’t have any condoms…I knew it was going to happen eventually (yeah I was quietly confident) but I didn’t want to risk her seeing them, because we were hanging out so much it wouldn’t of been a good look if 30 just fell out of my wallet all of a sudden.
I remember casually leaving her apartment to go buy some. When I got outside I began sprinting in a random direction hoping to find a store open this late at night… When I finally found one I wasn’t even puffed, I felt like I probably could have kept running indefinitely without breaking a sweat. I went up to the clerk and pointed shyly to a packet of condoms. She put them on the counter and that’s when I realised… all of this drinking and whatnot was costing me, only working part-time at the time I counted out my change in front of myself and realised I was roughly $1.50 short, give or take…
I just remember feeling sick. Pay day wasn’t for a couple of days, and I thought I had more on me! While deep in thought of my next move the clerk was just staring at me blankly. I spread my change out onto the counter saying, “Please…. I REALLY need these…”.
She must have sensed my distress or something and while smiling awkwardly, ushered for me to take them. I proceeded to thank her graciously and darted out of the store. I couldn’t believe I just got a discount on condoms, she must of thought I was the most desperate, deprived guy ever and was only concerned for her own safety (I was pretty deprived).
It’s been almost four years and it’s safe to say we stopped using condoms a long time ago, so no need to enter me into the competition, plus I’m pretty sure I live too far away. I just felt like sharing! 🙂
Thank you for sharing! That is a very funny and sweet story. Glad the condom experience didn’t hinder your relationship. Keep it going!
Thanks! I’m glad you liked it, especially coming from such a hilarious and talented blogger such as yourself! I’ve been thinking if it isn’t a problem living in Australia I would love to be in the competition actually haha.
If I had a dollor for every time I had to call all 146 of my former partners to inform them of my anal lesions I’d look like I had a damn good night stripping at Spearmint Rhino.
Much less embarrassing to just stick a rubber on it. Yet again, wise post Single Girlie. Wise post.
We SHOULD get a dollar for having to do that, right? And by the way, why do they call it Spearmint Rhino? I’ve always wondered about that.
So, you do want in the contest or you just leaving your two cents (which, of course, is very welcome)?
ah, thankfully i’m not in need of any rubbers 🙂
i prefer to call it the peppermint hippo….
Just enter me, girlie! 😉 I have no embarrassing condom buying experiences or funny condom experiences, but I use a condom every single time, and I think I should be rewarded for that 🙂
Good work, Valerie! You have been entered into the contest. How can I get a hold of you if you win?
weird. I entered my email address and assumed you’d have access to that.
glttr grrl a t g mail d ot co m (remove all the spaces)