Not Everyone is Going to Like You

Natalie-Dee-nope-im-just-a-pigOoh, harsh words, huh? I bet your momma never told you that, did she? Oh, heavens no. Momma said, “Oh, poopsie, you’re so wonderful and special, anyone would be crazy not to love you!”

Listen, I’m sure Momma means well and everything, but she’s seeing you through her extremely biased mom glasses and is generally just blowing sunshine up your ass.

The truth is, the sooner you learn and accept those seven words up there in the title, the easier time you will have at dating and the inevitable truth that goes with it: rejection.

It took one wise bartender (and more than a couple of vodkas) to make me see this. I was bummed out about some dude, lamenting over why, why, WHY didn’t he call me? I’m cute! I’m smart! I’m independent! I’m funny! Whatever did I do???

Wise bartender simply said, “Well, not everyone is going to like you.”

Oh.

Well, goddamn.

It’s so simple, and so obvious. Not everybody wants the same thing. And thank goodness – if we did, we’d all be after the same people.

Example: My girlfriend Gabby likes stocky blond yuppies who golf and discuss crown molding over supper. This type of guy makes me want to blow chunks. Not that there’s anything wrong with stocky, golfing, crown molding-obsessed yupsters, they just don’t happen to tickle my fancy, personally. But clearly, they tickle other fancies. Gabby’s, for one.

Sorry, Ryan Gosling

gosling

Get over it, Ryan.

No one is exempt from this rule. Not even Ryan Gosling. I know it seems like every woman and gay man alive are creaming their jeans for Ryan Gosling, but guess what? He doesn’t do it for me. Sorry, Ryan. Not everyone is going to like you.

Maybe you’re a tall blonde and he likes petite brunettes. Maybe you’re a left-winged intellectual and she wants a conservative handyman. Maybe you’re outgoing and gregarious and he wants a quiet, submissive girl. (Or vice-versa, in all of these cases.)

What are you going to do? Dye your hair or change your political views or alter your personality just to attract this person? I certainly hope not. Because sooner or later, the real you is going to come out and your partner is going to see it. And you’ll be pissed off that you ever changed for someone else in the first place.

So the next time someone ignores your e-mail or fails to call you after the first date, don’t call yourself a loser and stick your head in the microwave. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. They just don’t like you. Because not everyone is going to. And that’s okay – someone will, eventually. I promise.

Unless, of course, you’re a total asshole.

***

I originally wrote this post for Singles Warehouse last May, but I think it’s probably the best tidbit of advice I could give to anyone dating, even though we all  know how I feel about dating advice. Sorry I disappeared for a bit. I’ve been super busy not dating and not getting laid. But seriously, I have been busy doing something, I just can’t tell you what. Isn’t that just so mysterious? Oooooooooh. Don’t you like me more now? Hehehe, all part of my master plan.

26 replies

  1. Wow. Couldn’t have come at a better time. I have heard this from no less than 10,000 people, but a subtle reminder is always very much welcomed and needed. Why do we all get hung up on trying to be liked by everyone? Is it an ego thing? A distorted self perception?

    I think when you put yourself first, a line of followers will always gather behind you. Speaking personally, I have a lot of “fans” in life that I ignore during the times that I’m hung up on gaining someone else’s approval or affection. It’s not fair to the people that support and like me for me. More importantly, it’s not fair to me.

    Sorry for crying on your shoulder. I forgot for a second that I’m not on the Dr Phil show.

  2. So true and perfectly put:) but not quite easy to just shrug off and accept the bitter truth..but that’s life, aint it? Making things never as easy as they ought to be:) well, a really strong mind and only that can makes us say” alrite..he doesn like me..but so what..there’s gonna be someone else”. Lets just hope to become strong minded people who can handle a bit of truth ..

  3. Thanks for this great reminder! It is so true. We are all different, and we all like different things. If someone doesn’t like us, it certainly doesn’t mean we need to change.

  4. True enough. In fact, the theorem extends to pretty much all of life. Whether its getting a job or participating in a group activity or meeting friends of friends, at some points in life someone just won’t click. Luckily, our overpopulated planet has plenty of other people to hang with.

    • Absolutely. All of life, my friend. It’s really common sense. So why can’t we just be okay with it? How nice would it be to just shrug our shoulders and say, “OK, he doesn’t like me. Moving on.”

  5. “why the hell, even if I can’t stand the person, do I need everyone to like me? Still such an annoying defect of mine” AGREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Great advice, my mysterious friend! Great not just for love/lust/whatever relationships, but work & friendships, too – big time. My deal is – why the hell, even if I can’t stand the person, do I need everyone to like me? Still such an annoying defect of mine… Love you girlie. Can’t wait to see what’s on the horizon for you!

  7. This is one of those pieces of advice no one wants to take, but everyone probably should. My Ryan Gosling is Chris Pine–I just don’t see it!

  8. YES! I love love love this post, it is so true and well said. You’re right life gets a lot easier when you accept this. I’ve had to do it not only in the relationship world but just life in general. It makes it so I can be myself more, if I’m not worrying about pleasing everyone.

    And I snort-laughed when I read “creaming their jeans” hahahahahha. Gonna have to start using that. Thank you.

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