Author Archives

Naomi Lane

I am a single girl dating in Los Angeles. Sometimes. It's interesting.

Bagels & Dicks

I met with my financial advisor yesterday. I have a financial advisor because, frankly, I couldn’t be buggered with making financial decisions and don’t know boo about investing. But I […]

More on the Penis

Hey y’all. I’m going through a hunka hunka burnin’ crap right now. Tom and I had a mondo-rific fight last week and I’ve been in utter turmoil. We’ve talked, not talked, texted, e-mailed, broken up, gotten back together… Many, many of you have sent me well wishes on Twitter and […]

Where Are My Freaking Flowers?

I didn’t get them. But another girl at work did. It was her birthday. Everyone scurried over to her cubicle to admire the arrangement and coo, “Awwww, they’re beautiful, your boyfriend is so sweet!” Inside, we’re all thinking, “Lucky bitch. Why don’t I ever get flowers at work?” Or was […]

Top 7 Songs to F*ck to

Being in a new relationship can be tricky. You’re figuring out each other’s quirks, deciding if he’s “the one,” holding in your farts… But the one thing we can all agree upon about new relationships: the sex rocks. You’re fucking and sucking ten times a day, it’s the best lovemaking […]

I Fooled ‘Em!

Tom’s parents are visiting for two weeks, and he wanted me to meet them. I knew I couldn’t fake an illness for that long, so I gave in and accepted that the frightful day had arrived. I was more nervous about meeting his parents than I have been with any […]

A Lame Post

I don’t know what to write. But it’s Thursday night. I’ve made a commitment to write one blog post per week, tomorrow’s Friday and I’m spending the weekend with Tom. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about. I could write about the top five best songs to […]