To Skirt a Predator

Ladies, we’ve all been there. You’re walking home in the dark on the cold, mean streets of [insert your city here] when suddenly, a pervert jumps out of the shadows and starts chasing you. And let’s face it, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to outrun the attacker in your crazy […]

Why Do People Cheat?

A few weeks ago, a reader asked what my thoughts are on the age-old question: “Why do people cheat?” Now, before I continue, I want to declare that I am no expert. In fact, I claim expertise in nothing except stealth farting on dates. Nevertheless, someone actually wants to hear […]

Bagels & Dicks

I met with my financial advisor yesterday. I have a financial advisor because, frankly, I couldn’t be buggered with making financial decisions and don’t know boo about investing. But I […]

More on the Penis

Hey y’all. I’m going through a hunka hunka burnin’ crap right now. Tom and I had a mondo-rific fight last week and I’ve been in utter turmoil. We’ve talked, not talked, texted, e-mailed, broken up, gotten back together… Many, many of you have sent me well wishes on Twitter and […]

Where Are My Freaking Flowers?

I didn’t get them. But another girl at work did. It was her birthday. Everyone scurried over to her cubicle to admire the arrangement and coo, “Awwww, they’re beautiful, your boyfriend is so sweet!” Inside, we’re all thinking, “Lucky bitch. Why don’t I ever get flowers at work?” Or was […]