Generally speaking, I’m not a huge fan of babies. I mean, I’ve nothing against them — I might even get one someday — but I don’t fuss and coo and go gaga when I see a baby. They’re just not that interesting to me. They’re kinda like fleshy blobs of saliva and poo.
But I will say one thing about babies that I do admire: babies keep it real.
Unlike adults, particularly dating adults, with babies there’s no pretense. You know exactly where you stand with a baby.
If you piss off a baby, you’ll know it. You take their shovel, they will holler or cry or just bite you. Granted, this can be a terrific pain in the ass. Especially the screaming.
But while the noise and the physical violence might not be so charming, there is a flip side.
When a baby likes you, you know it, too.
They are generous with hugs and kisses and will plant a big sloppy one right on the mouth, or butt, or wherever they can reach, for no particular reason at all.
Babies also like to share and give you stuff. They’ll take objects from all over the house – a stapler, the cat dish, your own cell phone – and present them to you as gifts.
All of this, just because they like you.
How incredible would it be if men and women could revert back to babydom and just be 100% authentic with each other when dating? I would love to see two babies on a date.
If it were a bad date, there would probably be a fair amount of shrieking and hitting, but fortunately they’re not that strong, and it would only last a couple minutes before they’d just walk away.
But if it were a good date, there’d be an overflowing bounty of kissing and hugging and laughing and sharing.
My guess is there’d be no waiting three days to call, no playing it aloof, no wondering how the other one really feels.
(It wouldn’t culminate in intercourse, however. So… that’d be kind of a minus.)
New Rule: Stop Frontin’
Sadly, at some point between babyhood and adulthood, we lost much of our ability to genuinely show emotions. We’ve learned that when we show someone we like them, sometimes we get hurt. Consequently, we hide our feelings for self-protection.
But let me throw this out for consideration… wouldn’t we get hurt whether we reveal our emotions or not?
That is, if we like someone, we like them. We can choose whether or not to show it, but the feelings are still there. So if they reject us, there is a good chance we’ll still feel hurt — whether or not they knew we liked them.
What would our dating lives be like if we stopped the charade and threw out The Rules, The Game, He’s Just Not That Into You, Dating for Dummies and all the other bullshit that has assaulted our psyches throughout our journeys to find – dare I say it – true love?
What if we acted with baby-like candor and really, really kept it real? We just might have a chance to connect with each other on a basal level and form impenetrable bonds and feel freeeeeeeee and…
Yeah. I realize it’s unlikely this will happen. Most of us have built up this armor for decades – it’s a part of us now. But I like to dream. I like to think “What if?”
Maybe I’ll start it. Then perhaps I’ll create a karmic vibration that will be felt ‘round the world and humankind will be ever-so-slightly better off for it.
But then again, Judy Blume, maybe I won’t.
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion