If You’ve Got a Camera and a Penis, Read This

peenHey guys, what’s up? Your penis. Right. Very funny. And original, I might add. And speaking of unoriginal matters involving Mr. Winky, I’ve got a question for you: What’s up with the dick pics?

Over the past couple years as a single blogger, I’ve talked to many ladies about many dating issues. And I have learned that a sizable number of women have at least once fallen victim to the unwelcome cock shot. It might appear in a text, an e-mail or just hanging out on an online dating site. In fact, in her hilarious memoir, Jenny Lawson reported that as an HR manager she’d catch a different employee e-mailing his junk at least once a quarter. That’s a lot of peen to screen.

And of course, it leaves us women asking one question:

WHY???

Is “Looking forward to meeting you” code for “Send a portrait of your Johnson”? Are you afraid I won’t recognize it in person? Are you running for Congress?

Now, I’m not talking about the online exhibitionists who get their jollies exposing themselves, hoping for a shocked reaction. I’m talking about guys who are actually trying to score with us.

After musing on it a bit, I’ve come up with the only plausible explanation for this odd behavior: You think it turns us on because it turns YOU on.

Please guys, use your brain. The other one. WOMEN ARE NOT MEN. We know you dudes would love nothing more than to receive copious photos of lady junk. You like porn. We get it.

But let me make one thing clear: seeing a digitized image of your dork does about as much for me sexually as watching my cat vomit and then eat it.

There is no circumstance in which I need to see a photograph of your wang. Not even if we’re just fuck buddies. Not even if it has won some sort of penis pageant. Not even if it bears an uncanny resemblance to Meryl Streep. I don’t need to see if it’s big enough or pretty enough or circumcised enough – I’d honestly rather wait for the unveiling in person. In fact, I kind of like the suspense.

Let’s say I meet a guy on OkCupid and he texts me a visage of his one-eyed wonder worm. Here’s what will happen: First, I exclaim, “Ew.” Second, I consult my friends immediately and we analyze the shit out of it. This is what our conversation might sound like:

Me: Sweet Jesus. This guy just sent me a picture of his dong. Look!

Girlfriend: Whoa. What a weirdo. Why would he do that?

Me: Shit if I know.

Girlfriend: Did you send a boob pic? Did you ASK for it?

Me: No and HELL, no.

Girlfriend: Ewww, look at it, it’s all veiny. And the head is, like, freakishly bigger than the shaft.

Me: Ha! That’s so bizarre! And he didn’t even bother to manscape. It’s like his weiner has an afro.

Girlfriend: And check out the shag carpet in his bedroom. That’s just bad taste. Wait a second, what is THAT?

Me: What is what?

Girlfriend: That little dot right there.

Me: Oh, yeah… Maybe it’s something on my screen. [Wipes screen.] Nope, still there. Perhaps a freckle?

Girlfriend: Perhaps a genital wart?

Me: Omigod. You think?

Girlfriend: You never know. I saw some wart pics online that looked like cauliflower. Do you want cauliflower growing out of your junk? Girl, you need to lose this dude. He’s obviously a major perv who may or may not have genital warts.

Me: Agree. Delete. Wait… let’s show Sharon and Heather and Tony first.

Incidentally, a conversation with my gay bf would go something like this:

Me: Sweet Jesus. This guy just sent me a picture of his dong. Look!

Gay bf: Seriously? Could you forward it to me?

Is this what you want, fellas? To be the subject of ridicule amongst our girlfriends or the subject of masturbation amongst our gay bfs? I thought not.

Trust me, we’re not nearly as obsessed with your manhood as you are. I mean, sure, we love it when we’re in the throes of passion and think of it fondly if it’s given us pleasure in the past. But I don’t need a picture of it. Ever. And if the two of us have not yet met or are just beginning to date, an Instagrammed version of it will not make me want to instantly bang your brains out. This I promise.

So for the love of God, put your camera down and your penis away. And please, tell your friends. Make this go viral. Spread the word, my darlings, spread it like genital warts.

Love,
Women

148 replies

  1. Back in my dating days before dick pics I took these 2 girls to a movie and before the previews even started one of them asked me “Can we see your dick?”
    I was shocked and not quite sure what to say. She looked embarassed and said “never mind.”
    My point is that some women seem to like dicks a lot whether they admit it or not.
    I see a ton of women posting nude photos of themselves and for the most part men leave nice comments even if she doesn’t look like a supermodel so maybe if you get a dick pic and you have nothing nice to say you should go on with your life and not say anything at all.
    Just a thought.

    • Can people stop using “dick pic” for men and using “nude pic” for women? We all know women are sending “pussy pics” out to men. Heck, even Snapchat is being called “Snatchchat” these days. Is a woman’s pussy so ugly to people that they have to use more general, female friendly terms like “nude pics” instead of “pussy pics”? Makes no sense why we have to be so protective of the female image by implying pussy pics don’t exist even though they do. Women do send them and I’ve been a multi-recepient of these pics from female friends throughout the years, unsolicited too. Ask and interview men if they’ve ever received them, and they’ll tell you. You’d be surprised. Let’s not pretend that this isn’t happening (or not happening as often as dick pics) just because the pussy scares and grosses people out, as the author of this article has already stated below.

    • Why are some of the guys here taking offense at a bit of good advice? Unless a specific request is made for said penis pic, it’s probably not to your advantage to send one. Women do react to this sort of thing differently than men as a rule and it sends a questionable message. Your brain immediately goes to unpleasant places and at the very least, you shake your head at the bad judgement that made the guy do it and trust me, most women aren’t drooling over that pic, they are indeed going ewwww, look, a strange penis, why?

  2. As a man, I can tell you that your interpretation of why men do it is dead-on. They do it because they assume that because they want to see your genitalia, then you MUST want to see theirs in exactly the same way. No thought is given to the fact that women are wired differently and that men just aren’t as visually appealing. It doesn’t help that there are a handful of women in Hollywood who spread the mixed message of desire to see more male nudity in movies, because men don’t understand that they are only calling for it as a fairness issue (not because they actually want to see a penis). There is only one group of humans on the planet who can get excited about the visuals of a penis, and we all know who they are. Sorry, guys, but if we were capable of stimulating lust with our appearance, then there would be no need to be good providers to generate interest from females and the human race probably would have ended tens of thousands of years ago.

    • I welcome seeing penis on film. I’m not offended by penises themselves. But I want to see them when I choose to see them. I like porn, but I CHOOSE when and what to watch. What is NOT cool is men just sending these to us when we haven’t asked for them. It’s basically the equivalent of someone flashing us on the street or being on a date and the dude just suddenly whips it out like Elaine’s date did on Seinfeld. If we want a pic of your peen, we’ll ask.

      • When are women like yourself going to welcome seeing vagina/pussy pics in film? Anytime someone asks for vagina exposure in movies and shows, women throw hissy fits – even though they call for more penises to be shown, while they are already being shown. There was an episode of Orange is the New Black where a pussy pic was shown as part of the storyline (I know, a miracle indeed that a pussy pic was shown on camera on an American show), and I read that the show saw a dramatic decline in the number of female viewers right after that episode aired. Are women really that insecure with their genitalia being exposed in movies and shows? It’s no wonder that while women would welcome penises in movies, they are less than pleased about vaginas being shown like that – probably why women seem so desperate to compare boobs to penises instead. I think it’s a little childish and immature of them.

    • Women calling for penis in films is a fairness issue? Really? How often do you see vagina in film? Go ahead and name them (and we’re talking about actual vagina – labia and all, not fake pubic hair covering the vagina). Penises are already shown in films while vaginas are pretty non-existent. Nudity in films is indeed unfair – to men.

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    • I came across this via a different article, and as a man, I feel I should at least say something about it.

      For myself, if I EVER send anyone a picture of my junk, it is the woman I am already in a relationship with, or it is to people I know, and purely for shock factor. I never try to “score” by showing off my penis, for three reasons. Firstly, I don’t have the biggest penis around. It’s not small either, but frankly, if I were a chick, I wouldn’t be impressed by it. Secondly, and this is for the men specifically: it’s not always about the size, but how you use it (a close friend of mine was dating this guy a while back, and she and I have talked about her sexcapades before. This guy had a big penis, but was lazy and just didn’t use it well, so for her, sex sucked). Thirdly, and lastly, the only woman I would ever want to “score” with is my partner, so sending penis pictures to try and score with anyone else is not something I would do anyway.

      Also, just saying, penises are weird. Yes I have one, I’m comfortable with the one I have. But they’re still weird.

      Oh, and lastly, I do agree that this seemed pointed out at every man, but look at it from a woman’s perspective: it probably happens WAY more than is comfortable, and so it becomes almost natural to assume that all men do it (even though that’s not the case).

  4. I love how you seriously assume ALL men do this, and ALL women agree with you. I’m a guy, I own professional camera equipment, and I love to take various photos of various subjects and occasionally post them on my socials. Just because I happen to have both a camera and a dick, does not mean I’m bursting at the brim to send images of toolbox to people, in fact, I usually remove myself from those kinds of people. So to say all men do this is a truly bad step in your blog, because I’m certain there are more people out there who would rather not participate in that kind of activity. You seem to speak for all women when you leave off your post with (“thanks, woman”). Don’t get me wrong, I still hate dickpics, but do you honestly truly think you are the supreme authority of all women kind when it comes to topics like these? As a gay guy, I hate it when people (like Anita Sarkeesian) think they speak for the LGBT community, when in reality, there are people in the community who would rather kiss dog shit than agree with her. So with this in mind, I’m pretty sure there are women out there who would rather you didn’t represent them. It may be your personal opinion, but don’t assume all guys just throw their arms in the air, posting and snapping dicks, while all women shake their heads in disgust. I’m assuming you’ve heard of the term ‘individuality’ at least once in your life…

    Thanks,
    XinnoVinc

  5. Well, there’s also girls/women who likes to take pics of their pussies & post them on Twitter for example& sent them to men. I guess that kind of behaviour is on both sex.

    • There’s all kindsa peeps, darlin’. But I’m willing to be 100% of my savings that men do this wayyyyyyyyy more than women. Also, and I realize this is a generalization so don’t freak the fuck out, but men are more likely to enjoy that sort of thing. I mean, hello, PORN.

      • You lose. Women do this WAAAAAAAY more than men, only our society is too politically correct to admit this – we always have to protect the female image by falsely claiming women don’t do this. Your post proves this. Do you really think girls send pics of only their boobs? You ever heard of pussy pics? I’ve gotten so many pussy pics from girls that I know that I’ve actually lost count. And I’ve never gotten a boob pic. Ever. Pussy pics happen way more often than our PC society is willing to admit.

        • Man you really nailed the truth in this comment! My thoughts completely. Really we don’t want to see you down there girls, unless you’re a super model and well super models don’t do that.

      • I’ll take that bet!!! Women do this shit all the time and girls don’t think for one f’ing minute that you “lady parts” are better looking than a mans, because it’s NOT. I’ve seen some really ugly stuff out there and most of it from females, they are shameless about it. Personally I would never send a pic of me to anyone period. BTW women watch a lot of porn alone, it’s a proven fact, it just that men are honest and women are hypocrites.

  6. Funny thing about girls is that when they are too unattractive to have guys interested in sending them dick pics, they will act very strongly about “not even wanting them anyway…gross!”

  7. i have been asked by a number of both men and women to send a pic of my dick to them
    it resulted in a number of meets and quite a bit of sex(women only)
    I must say that if someone asks for it then it is ok but to send it to someone randomly or set as a profile pic is just abnormal and freaky

  8. I saw today that you’d replied to a comment here, and I returned, remembering that I’d left a nice and supportive comment of my own some time ago. Today, I’m shocked, not shocked at all that some guys are internally motivated to send unsolicited dick pics, but totally shocked that some of them want to argue with you, call you names, and send them to you anyway.

    Humans’ ancestors began losing (no longer needing) the dense body hair that all of our primate relatives still have about 1.2 million years ago – we became the naked apes. Our ancestors began fashioning clothing from animal skins about 170,000 years ago. Guys flashing their peckers at women probably began the next day. It’s well recorded that a certain garment worn by young men during the golden age of Athens, about 2,600 years ago, was designed for easy flashing, which was common. I’m disappointed that, with all the technology built into a hand-held device the size of a deck of cards, we might as well still be grunting and lifting our leopard-skin loincloths.

  9. A once asked me to send a pic-like persistently and when I finally did I found out she showed all her friends and they made fun of how small it was…

  10. Very nice blog! Yeah, I cannot understand why some men send photos of their d**k. I think the guys who do it are lonely guys who are unsuccessful with their relationships. They’re insecure and probably thought they’re doing women favor by showing it to them. Some women show interest but I believe they’re just faking it. Either they want to get something from you or they’re just whores haha. Guys you don’t have to do that if you’re not in an intimate relationship with someone and she’s not asking for it.

    • Uh, did you not read this fucking post? I don’t want your pic. I don’t care if you’re an “artist.” BTW, artists don’t e-mail their dick to strangers. That’s not art, son. Keep it in your goddamned pants.

  11. Please forgive me english. I often go in a chatroom and I ask to all girls/women: “wanna see my bird?” (it’s a manner to call penis in my language) and I obtain 40% of yes, above all young girls (around 17-21 years old). Then I turn on my webcam and I do… a bird with my hands 😀 and around an half of them start to offend me, my mother, my sister (like all women do when they want to offend someone: they go to the family’s women… why that?!?!?). Why do I do that? Because I have understood that a lot of women want to see penis and webcam is loved more by them than by men! 😀 bye bye

  12. The hivemind nature of your average woman is rather interesting. It seems like mostly anything can’t be scrutinised by the individual without clearing it with at least one other girl, first.

  13. So for me at least it has nothing to do with you getting turned on by seeing my penis. It turns me on for someone to see it. The penis wants attention and mostly gets very little. Its a selfish act. It’s not to please the girl it’s to please the man. Showing it to your friends is awesome. That’s more attention. With that said I am smart enough to know not to send penis pics to someone I really want to get with. I think the problem is that a lot of men just can’t overcome the problem of thinking with the smaller head first.

    • By the way that’s how I found this blog. Since I know no one wants to see my penis instead of sending out penis pics here I am reading about it.

  14. I just want to say a hot asian girl spent the last 4 hours looking at my dick over a webcam. She blew it kisses and wanted to fall asleep looking at it so I’m pretty sure women love looking at dicks.

    • Hey, if she’s into it, then that’s awesome. I’m just saying don’t send it if she hasn’t asked for it.

      Wanting to fall asleep looking at it? Um, some girls say stuff just to make you feel good. FYI.

  15. you really want to know why guys show off their junk? it’s a very very ancient thing, it goes back to the story of christ/uranus and the earth his wife. she got tired of his sexual advances, then formed a sickle from her metal in her body and asked her children who would help her. saturn was the only one because he had no reasoning or wisdom and cut off christ penis. the reason why guys want to show you their junk is because of that very reason. we have cocks, you bitches need to put your god damn sickles away and throw some wallpapers up of those peckers, you are being hired to be a pecker checker not a pecker cutter. if you don’t want the job, that’s fine, be happy with the fact that leads to a life of being alone, with a tv, cat and no prospects other than horny teenage boys looking for MILFs, but without children you’ll just be an IF.

    uranus bless america and willing phallus suckers.

  16. Comment from one of my friends on FB – ‘That awkward moment when you realise your airline pilot is the creep who once sent you a photo of his junk!’

  17. Excellent writing. Very true but also amusing.
    Even though I’m a guy , I can relate to this. And , I have never sent one.

  18. Feminism: more dick pics for women is equality
    Girls: more dick pics for women is disgusting
    Guys: We are confused!

  19. Consistent with your theme, a woman friend who enjoys some sexy banter with men, posted something she called “Get a Grip.” One thing she mentioned in it is that she has enjoyed the sight and use of male equipment during her life, under the right circumstances, but she doesn’t carry around in her wallet a picture of even her husband’s penis, so why would she want pictures of the penises of random men who are near-strangers? Not sexy at all.

  20. You tried to scare men by saying you always show their dick pics to your friends. You just fed the fire. Men WANT that. If you tell men that it’ll increase the rush even more.

      • I agree with the point your trying to get across but I think you would do better conveying your message by pointing out that these are only yours and maybe your close friends opinions based off of personal experience, rather then representing all women(ie “We know you dudes would love nothing more than to receive copious photos of lady junk” or “we’re not nearly as obsessed with your manhood as you are”) and attacking specific gender with facts that you coudnt possibly know. Again I stress that this is just my own opinion.Assuming that this article was written as an attempt at steering people away from flashing unwilling participants you would probably be better off approaching the actual problem (which in my experience isn’t gender specific) from a gender neutral stance rather then coming off as another feminists bashing perverted men article. Which seems to antagonize the men who actually do send dick pics to everyone the possibly can,as well as offend people who have either been wrongly lumped in to this category based on their gender,or who have had experiences that drastically differ from your claims of what women think or want .Correct me if im wrong isn’t that counter productive?I hope you dont view this comment as aggressive or hostile because that isnt my intention at all.I completely agree with the with the idea your trying to get across,But having seen the same problem from a different perspective I dont agree and question the effectiveness of the way your deliving the message.

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  22. How do you explain the girls that ASK to see penis pics? I’ve had a few girlfriends and female friends who wanted to see what I had down there.
    Also, I used to post artistic nudes on an art site, and I had one girl ask me if I were brave enough to show her my lower half… I’m not buying this… Maybe older women don’t like cock shots, but in my experience, there are quite a few younger ones that do…

    • Hey, if she asks for it, it’s a whole different story. Go ahead and send them. Although I do know some chicks who will just fuck with guys that way. Then they’ll show their friends.

      It’s the unsolicited penis pics that are a no-no. Didn’t you see Girls?

      • Never sent one myself but I’m curious, I keep reading we don’t want to see that, then followed by so I sent it to my girlfriends. Doesn’t make a lot of sense.

        • We show everything to our girlfriends (and gayfriends). It’s more “can you believe some asswipe sent this shit?” than “ooh, look how awesome.”

  23. Someone ripped off your blog post FYI
    Datingadventurer.wordpress.com

    You should link your blog into that persons comment section an teach them a lesson! Call em out!!!

  24. S.G.B.ing, I applaud you.. Right on!

    The only people interested in naked men and penises or balls are gay men. I should know, afterall, I AM one.
    To be fair…Most straight women do want what’s in a man’s pants. Yep. Its called a wallet (and its usually full of plastic these days.) Oh I know its probably unfair to generalize.. I’m sure that somewhere there is a woman that actually likes men so much that she actually looks at their bodies like some kind of testosterone flavored cotton candy. Maybe she could prove us both wrong? Maybe…I could trade in my Elton John glasses and go straight. Yah right… not bloody likely!

    Anyways, I love your blog.. keep up the good work. And always remember ladies, “You may not care about men, but plenty of gay guys do.”

    • Thanks, sweet pea! Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE men’s bodies! (And honestly, I date a bunch of broke guys, so wallet isn’t always the most enticing thing to us ladies. I am this time looking for someone at least financially STABLE *fingers crossed*.) So it’s not like we don’t like men’s bodies or even body parts (Ryan Reynolds – yes please!). But PICS of male junk just don’t turn us on like that. I think it’s the porn factor. Men like porn. Women, well, not as much.

  25. Oh my God too funny! My newish boyf, whom I met on POF incidentally, finally harangued me into letting him send me a dick pic. Jesus, I nearly died when I got it. I have told him time and time again NOT to send me this pic as it TOTALLY turns me off. So I weaken and say send it on cos I think, there’s no way he’ll send me a pic of his actual dick, but he DID! I am now very much turned off him. His peen isn’t even that big, it’s actually slightly left of average. AND he’s 40! WTF. What irks me is the complete and utter stupidity of it, like he thinks once I see it that I’ll find it irresistible? And the afro bit! Yes!! Lovely and hairy. I’m embarrassed for him now … What should I do??

    • Um, I don’t understand why he was dying to send you one. That’s WEIRD. Please ask him why he wanted so badly to send you a dick pic and report back. Good luck.

      • So I FINALLY got an answer to this. After accusing him of being one step up from a flasher I asked him, “why in God’s name would think you I’d like this”? Apparently for him it’s the thrill of knowing that I’ve looked at it, whatever I think of it. I told him it looked like a fraggle and that didn’t seem to bother him. So there you go. I think he’s obsessed with his unit. Defo a candidate for a chat with a therapist. The funny thing is he’s so sweet in every other way. A real catch, except for this ‘perversion’ …. Strange isn’t it?

  26. Oh my sweet lady, its really rubbish to showcase your manhood in such a junky way! I come from a very typical Indian society and believe me this is almost supposed to be a sin. No matter if it huge, enough or not upto some bullshit standards, its not meant to be displayed this way. Treat your Tool well, all I wanna say!

  27. lol.. funny post!. Yes men don’t get that women don’t turn on as quickly sexually as they do. Men are like switches where as girls are like control dials. They need to be dialed up.

    • ^^^
      Wtf!
      Everybody gets turned on just as much as the other regardless of gender! This is the most ridiculous comment I have ever read. We are all programmed to want sex, we need to cum like we need to shit or eat or breath. Come on how old are you anyways? Going through menopause or something? If so then maybe you don’t get turned on easy but I know any girl in their early 20s and 30s wants sex as much as men.

      • Whoa, whoa, wait up there, sir. No one is saying women don’t like sex or want sex. I fucking love sex. I believe most women do. I also believe *most* women don’t want to receive unsolicited dick pics. I’ve not yet met a woman who is all, “Oh, yeah, when a guy sends me a dick pic out of the blue I get soooooo hot!” No.

        • I am a 23 year old male and I seem to have a larger than normal penis. I am constantly abused by the most unbashful women everywhere I go. School, bars the bus I’m a 23!!!! year old boy constantly approached by women because they think just because you can see the bulge through my skinny jeans that it’s yours for the taking. You said women don’t like seeing dicks? Recent studies have shown that women look at porn nearly as much as men, be it that there is different subject matter more prominent with each respective gender but nonetheless penis is present. You need to realize that this is a cultural thing and that you shouldn’t try to speak for the entire kingdom of girls. There was a point in time where dangerously obese people were thought to be beautiful and now that women are hyper sexually projected by men, and women alike, in the media and in public the random interjection of a mans bulge can’t be handled with tact? Women freak out all the time over seeing my dick, not something I want at all but it happens literally everyday.

        • OK, you know what? You are completely missing the point. I love penises. I like porn. Absolutely nothing wrong with peen and some of them are quite beautiful. But I WANT TO SEE THEM WHEN *I* CHOOSE TO SEE THEM. I don’t want someone randomly sending me a picture of their junk that I had not requested. It’s jarring and inappropriate and presumptuous at best, highly offensive at worst. If someone asks to see your junk, then hey, go ahead and oblige if you are willing. But don’t just assume they want to see it. Don’t just send it because YOU want them to see it. Consent from both parties is important, otherwise it’s akin to online flashing. And flashing is not okay. In fact, it’s illegal.

        • If that was your point, then encumbering progress but diluting your oration with pompous remarks is counter productive and offensive. I understand you don’t wont uninvited dick pics the same as i don’t want innumerable selfies with duck face, every meal you’ve eaten or see-through shirts with uninteresting underwear.If anyone wants to post an image of themselves on instagram or the internet you have no right to say anything! It’s not like a picture in the mirror whilst making a stupid face is gonna to make me instantly pop a boner. Take a walk outside and tell me who has the least shame. For someone who loves penises saying that seeing the male body is akin to watching your cat vomit and eat it is far from making any sort of statement. I would love nothing more than to not receive copious photos from shallow people who think the world moves in one direction.There is nothing about this that is revealing anything to anyone, to set the record straight you should not be allowed to speak for all women as well as give the impression that every time a gay man sees a penis he just has to whip it out and start beating it. I understand you’re upset but you made some offensive remarks and you come across as uneducated.

  28. I agree completely but the prevalence of this mopishness by males around the world tells me, like a lot of a-hole behavior by us, it must work on a certain percentage of women and, thus, is repeated in a Pavlov-like fashion despite the meager success rate. In a world where you’re judged by a prospective date in the first 10 min or so, it shouldn’t be surprising that the natural response is to go for a knockout blow with the first chance to see if you’re “sponge-worthy.” One can only hope the fairer sex heeds your blog’s points, learns to shutdown idiots like this from the get-go, and over a cool century or so perhaps the male population could evolve into appreciating the finer things in dating like suspense, smile-inducing deeds, and better manners that lead down the brownie point trail to fullfilling bedroom tales in due course.

  29. I effing love this post. I’ve come back to read it 5x, at least. “One eyed wonder worm” ha!

    I wish I had an appropriate forum to share this in, maybe it will be part of my next OLD profile.

  30. As a guy who was very skinny in my early 20’s (5’11” 140) and am now at 190 lbs in my early 30’s after a decade being back on farm, I cannot imagine at any stage thinking that a random nude shot or penis shot would catch any girl worth catching. I guess I don’t have the ego to think a picture of my loins would send the entire female population into throws of passion.

    I wonder what the sender’s reaction would be to the reply about the camera adding five pounds?

  31. I personally think it isn’t that unwelcomed if the guy is hot..but of course if there is no photo of the body and/or face it doesn’t work.

  32. Dicks ugly – photos of ugly even worse – got it, made the mental note. I haveto admit that beans and franks shots were so prevalent. But…hear me out…what if you made it up some. Drew a face on the head, made a cute little sombrero and poncho for it. You know, made it look like one the extras from the Three Amigos standing behind tumbleweed. Would you want to see a picture of that. Guys are weird – we are flawed mentally fragile creatures. But some think their shit don’t stink – but their farts always give them away – that and pictures of their tooties (another name for penis, courtesy of my five year old son).

    • what i meant was “I have to admit, I never knew beans and franks shots were so prevalent.” I just like saying beans and franks.

    • OK, my initial reaction was SHIT YEAH I WANT TO SEE A DICK IN A SOMBRERO, but then I realized some dudes might take me seriously and ACTUALLY dress up their peen in little costumes and send them along. While in theory this sounds totally rad and would love it if my BOYFRIEND, who I knew very intimately, did something like this, but if a random dude or a new person I’m dating did this I would obviously think they were deranged and block the shit out of them.

      Incidentally, *I* realize you were utilizing humor in this situation, but sadly I’ve learned from my blog that many readers don’t seem to understand humor and take everything written here very seriously, so I just thought I should make myself clear before we saw some sick trend of penis hat pics becoming the new thing.

  33. i’ve seen a few on pof and my standard reply to all of these guys is to shame them. I usually suggest they not be so quick to display their, ahem, shortcomings for everyone to see

  34. Obviously, you really could use pictures of dicks in your e-mail. When women carry on this way, that’s the only answer.

    • You know, members of Congress are the exact type who do this sort of thing. Weiner’s weiner just got caught! It’s not just the dick in the mirror. It’s the dick anywhere in the shot. I mean, leave a little mystery, will ya?

  35. This happened to a single girlfriend of mine too. The worst part was, she received another photo minutes later…after he was done. The only thing less attractive than a picture of your dick, is a picture of spunk all over your stomach, fellas.

  36. What’s really sad is that, even though online dating has been around for a long time and shifted from its initial stigma to something pretty normal in our digital world, this trend hasn’t changed. I’ve been reading about it on blogs for years. It, along with the customary-and-unwanted shirtless photo, always seems to show guys who look like they would fit right in with the Jersey Shore crew. So I suppose that within a limited sphere, it does work… attracting the kinds of girls with the kinds of standards one would expect from the Jersey Shore crowd.

    Or maybe they really do just expect naked pictures back.

    Either way, it’s sad to see so few who have no idea how much more exciting the art of flirting and teasing and being teased can be. *sigh*

  37. You know, I wouldn’t mind if a gay guy was masturbating to my Bald Avenger. Still not going to send a pic though, unless requested.

    • Good for you, Jack! And I commend you on being all equal opportunity and stuff. Bald Avenger, huh? I’ll have to remember that one. I’m always looking for new synonyms for penis.

  38. Bahahaha my girlfriend JUST texted me today with this exact horror story. Worst part was that the photo was from a random number. A perk of no longer being single is not having to worry about the surprise dick photos.

  39. You’re too funny!
    Think about porn … blood full lips quivering at the sight of an oversized meatstick… “ohh bbaaaby I want that”
    This is what the majority of guys have spanked to since they were old enough to find the power button.
    Is it any wonder they want ot be worshipped for their parts?

  40. This. Is. Awesome. One more thing.. I’m seeing a lot of half chub and flaccid pics. Either one is not ok. You’ve either been playing with yourself right before taking the pic which means some sort of pre juice came out which means you just touched you phone with that and lord knows you won’t wash your hand and your friends borrow your phone at times… OR you think flaccid penis is sexy? Well I too think corn holes are sexy.. 😳. NO. DON’T DO IT.

    • Girlfriend, you just brought this thing to a whole new level. Wasn’t even thinking of pre juice. But you’re right. I’m sure a man’s phone and computer is infested with more gunk than a truck stop urinal. And for the record, I don’t care if it’s half chub, full chub or no chub – me no want picky.

  41. You know SG as I guy, with a nice penis of my own, I never got the whole. Surprise!! Here’s my cock thing in an e-mail.

    Like you I like the humble approach spring it on em when the moment is right approach. Hell I’m a card carrying, beer drinking, 4X4, driving dude. But I have to admit they look weird.

    Hell I wouldn’t want a picture of that in My e-mail. Someone call Sigourney Weaver we have Aliens on the planet!!

    Ewwww
    Bob

  42. Wow!! Simply awesome… some of my friends have tried this trick.. ( now I know why they never told me the result of their slick trick). Thanks to you I’ll never try this, ( I don’t want my fly to be the reason of someone’s masturbation!!!)

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