I wrote the following as a guest post for my Twitter friend and dating blogger Single City Guy. I think he’s a super cool dude because he seems very down to earth, authentic, and displays a lot of respect for women. Alas, ladies, he’s not single any longer, some lucky girl knew a good thing when she saw it and grabbed him. He’s still blogging though, so check him out. And without further ado, here’s the post:
When @singlecityguy asked what advice I’d give to men about women, my first thought was, “Don’t listen to advice!” Okay, okay, that may be a bit much. Nevertheless, I am very skeptical of any person who doles out advice, claiming to be a dating “expert.”
What makes one a dating expert anyway? To my knowledge, no university offers a degree in dating (although in my college experience you’d think I could’ve earned one). So what then, someone who’s currently in a successful relationship? Someone who dates a lot? Someone who writes a blog about dating? I don’t buy any of it.
The reason dating experts are full of poo (in my humble opinion) is because people who date are human, and like snowflakes and Cabbage Patch Kids, no two are alike. The line that worked on Jen might not work on Laura. The strategy that bagged Tara might repel Emily. And maybe Brian can pull off a move that would make Derek look like a big fat douche.
There are plenty of men and women alike who will tell you “women like jerks” or “chicks dig sensitive guys” or even “all girls really want are money and a big dick.” Phooey! Don’t listen to this garbage. The truth is, some women like jerks, some chicks dig sensitive guys and some girls really want money and a big dick. And some women dislike all of these traits and want something else.
I’m going to make a bold statement that the experts don’t want you to know. Common courtesy and common sense aside (brush your teeth, don’t fart on the first date, etc.), please remember this, and repeat after me…
Not All Women Want the Same Thing. They Are All Different.
I understand why men turn to these self-proclaimed experts for advice. Approaching women is hard. Dating is hard. Understanding women is hard. I get it. It’s human nature to try and make sense of things, and reading a book that claims to have the answer can provide an illusion of mastery or a plan of action. This in turn gives you confidence when going into battle, a feeling that you know what you’re doing. The problem is, when the plan flops, you feel like even more of a loser. You did everything the book said, so why didn’t it work?
I’ve got news for you: dating experts want your money (or if they are bloggers, your readership).
They know they’ve got a vast audience of hapless dudes who will give them good money in hopes of finding some possible solution to their never-ending frustrations with women. So they give you “solutions.” These may or may not work, but it doesn’t matter, because PayPal’s already processed the transaction.
Just like diet books, there are a million out there. Few actually work, but there will always be a market of fat people trying to lose weight. And there will always be a market of confused men trying to score. Don’t be their next victim.
To be fair, I am sure there are “experts” who really think they are doing a service to men everywhere. But I find this thinking somewhat narcissistic, to claim to have all the answers for people whom they’ve never even met. They may have opinions, but please, take them with a grain of salt. There is a good chance they won’t be right.
So I apologize if you’ve read through this article hoping to discover the secret to picking up chicks. There isn’t one. You have to figure out who you are and be that person, with all the confidence in the world.
And come to terms with the fact that not everyone is going to like you. (That’s a big one.) Someone will, you just have to find her. Make it fun.
And by the way, this same non-advice advice goes for women folk as well.
I shall leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite dudes:
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your common sense.”
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion