Eff the Douchebags, I’ve Got a Nice Guy

DatingLast weekend, I had a 24-hour date with Tom. Twenty-four. That’s right, like the TV show. And it was only the third date.

It started Saturday evening at his place. I hadn’t expected to spend the night, and I certainly hadn’t expected to spend the day. But lo and behold, the hours passed and I found myself still… there. With him.

And I think the oddest part of it was that he wanted me there. Really?

With the last couple guys I dated, the morning after was always awkward. I was never sure if they wanted me to stay or go. But I knew Tom wanted me to stay.

I kept thinking maybe I should go, but every time I did he’d suggest that I spend the night… or that we cuddle in bed and watch Superbad… or go out to brunch… or walk around the beach… or go back to his place… or cook dinner together. And I took him up on it every time.

Not only did he want me to stick around, he exhibited very strange behavior. He told me I was beautiful. He let me pick the music, and the movie, and the pizza toppings. He rubbed my feet. He asked me questions about myself. He told me I was awesome. He looked me in the eyes.

I began to wonder if this was in fact a man I was dating. Is it possible Tom is a she-to-he post-op transsexual?

Ditch the Douche

When I blogged about our second date (aka, the farting date), I mentioned that I liked him, but something was missing. Perhaps the missing piece was the anxiety I normally feel when I’m dating a guy I really like.

Maybe I’ve grown so accustomed to this anxious feeling that I think it’s normal, and that if it’s not there, it means I’m just not into the guy.

Adios DouchebagHowever, I think it’s possible the anxiety really kinda sorta had something to do with me dating, ya know, douchebags. Douchebags, not surprisingly, cause anxiety. And honey, I’ve seen more douchebags than a Dutch hooker with a yeast infection.

But you know what? I am tired of selfish pricks. I am tired of guys who don’t know what they want. And I am tired of guys who feel like they need to act like Mr. Motherfucking Cool and Aloof to win my interest.

Tom is not a douche. He’s a nice guy, and I dig it. In three dates he turned my lukewarm feelings into something kinda hot. I’m not questioning whether he likes me. I know he likes me. He’s not afraid to make his affection clear, and that turns me on.

Whoa, does this mean I’m all growns up? That I’ve conquered my doucheaholism? Maybe it just means I’ve been with enough douchebags to finally see them for what they are: insecure, tiresome — and frankly — unoriginal.

No matter. Tom is a breath of fresh air and I’m taking a big, long, yogic inhale through the nose.


What? Did you want more? Oh, I see. You want to know if we did it.

Well, never one to disappoint, I wouldn’t leave you lovelies in the dark about the sexy time. But not just yet. I’ve saved that for a blog post all its own. So I’ll see you back here soon. Coz I know y’all are a bunch of pervy bastards.

Categories: True Story

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37 replies

  1. The Douches were attractive when I was in high school and early college but they are so overrated once you realize they’re all the same. I think it was that I just wanted to have fun and wasn’t looking for any long term thing. Thankfully I snapped out of it in my junior year of college.

    I mean really do you want to date someone like this long term?

  2. I think you said it best by saying that douchebags are…”unoriginal”. No truer words were ever spoken. You’re not sexy because you’re a douche or awesome because you’re a dick…you’re boring me to tears and I’m moving on up…Just Sayin’ 😛 Congrats

    • Denny Dance, there is no question you are in a category all your own. But I’d say you’re a bad boy. Jail? Brawling with Mel? Hot tub excursions? You are bad to the bone.

      BTW, I want you to know I am more than capable of loving two men at once. Don’t think my affections for you are any less intense. I am still very much stalking you, Den-Den. ❤

  3. PS I agree with brewers_rule! The last girl I was with had been with bad boys all her life, and now was happy to be with the ‘nice guy’ (little did she know hahahaha!) Even still it makes you feel like you’re getting sloppy seconds, of a kind. Not saying YOU are sloppy my dear sweet Single, but i wouldn’t tell me too much about your ‘past preferences’ because he might feel like you are settling!!

    • Dumps! Come on, now. We’ve had three (well, now four) dates – let’s not get carried away! There’s plenty of time for it to turn to shit. Oh, that’s negative, I shouldn’t say that. You need a revelation? What, you date douchettes?

      And sloppy seconds? Why – most girls have been with other guys before you, whether douchey or nice, right? Actually, if I wound up with a douche (not gonna happen), I’d think I was settling. I don’t want to settle on an asswipe. I’m better than that and so are you! xoxo

  4. Nice guys don’t finish last, they’re the ones waiting for you at the finish line once you’ve finally figured out how to win the race, and want off that track.

  5. can’t say enough about nice guys. As long as they still do manly things (like change their oil or fix a clogged drain). Just say no to douches!

    • Oh, totally. I think nice guys can do manly things. But I don’t know about Tom, still too early to ask him to perform domestic chores. I imagine the douches might be less likely to do them. They’re too pretty and they wouldn’t want to get their hands dirty.

  6. lovin’ it. Enjoy him! Good guys aren’t always the easiest to find. We must be wise enough to recognize the gems and hold onto them when we can.

  7. I think you’ve just cured your disease. Douche Dating is a disease, and I really think it requires meetings and 12 Steps. Good for you. I aspire to beat this horrifying disease one day as well. One day.

  8. Haha! Cuz you know that’s what I was thinking, right? All I had at the back of my mind was “So, was the 4 month itch… scratched?” Am I a pervy bastard? Nah….I’m just living vicariously through you!

    Yay, we’re all loving Tom!

  9. How exciting for you, doll! Tom. He sounds like a nice guy. I love “He told me I was beautiful. He let me pick the music, and the movie, and the pizza toppings. He rubbed my feet. He asked me questions about myself. He told me I was awesome. He looked me in the eyes.” —> all of those things are *simply amazing* and just experiencing it can remind you that it’s soo much more worth the wait than some Dbag…. Dbag’s are so 2008. 🙂 can’t wait to read more.


  10. Woohoo! It took me time, too, but I’m done with douches. ONLY NICE GUYS! Even though some of them were douches-in-disguise…sigh!

    But yay. I’m also waiting for my Tom & I know he’ll be here soon. And don’t worry, brewers_rule, I’m nice but I’m also feisty & spicy with the right man! 😉

    • You know, I was the same way. I never dated out-and-out dbags, they were most definitely douches in disguise. They seem nice and then… Hey! When did you become a douchebag? I also use the word “douchebag” a bit loosely to describe the commitment-phobes. Hey, if they don’t want a relationship with me, they must be a douchebag! 😉

  11. Awwwww Yay Tom! I was secretly pulling for him, the underdog. Douchebags are the reason I’ve chosen celibacy. I’m waiting for *my* Tom.

    • I guess you just have to give some guys a chance. I was really on the fence with him in the beginning. It’s still early though. I hope you find someone to break that celibacy thing, though. That’s no fun.

  12. Nice to see us nice guys are still in style but it’s still kinda depressing we have to wait ’til you naughty girls get that doucheaholism out of your system first because it seems to take so DAMN long. Just make sure you don’t lose that naughtiness to ya’ because even though we’re nice, we still like the spice in our sugary girls 😉

    • Hey Mister Rule, I think you oughta quit yer bitchin! That attitude won’t getcha any ack-shawn, love!

      And who naughty, me? I like to think I’m both naughty and nice. 🙂

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