I wrote this last night in a fit of rage and haven’t edited. Enjoy.
Guys, I am PISSED OFF and OUTRAGED and JACKED UP over this shit about a two-way mirror in the women’s restroom at some Chicago comedy club. In fact, prepare yourself for a colossal onslaught of ALL CAPS and EXPLETIVES to follow, because in this case it is goddamn warranted.
If you haven’t heard, a comic named Tamale Rocks recently posted a video uncovering a two-way mirror in the ladies’ restroom of a club where she performed. A TWO-WAY MIRROR. As in, I can see you, but you can’t see me. So, men could ostensibly hang out on the other side and get their jollies watching women pull down their pants and piss and shit and do whatever else they do in what they RIGHTFULLY ASSUME is the privacy of a fucking bathroom.
And believe it or not, that’s not even the worst part, AS BAD AS THAT IS, which is a goddamned disgusting atrocity. No, the worst part is that, when confronted, the owner refused to remove the mirror and told whoever doesn’t like it to – get this – GO FUCK THEMSELVES. Yes, for fucking real.
This is what that scumbag actually said:
“I will burn this fucking place to the ground before I get rid of that mirror. Do you know how much joy that mirror has brought to us? … This is a fun house, honey, and if you don’t like the two-way mirror, go fuck yourself.”
You can read the whole steaming shitshow of an interview over at Jezebel.
I have read several articles discussing this case and everyone is being so GODDAMNED POLITE and I am wracking my brain to figure out why everyone isn’t COMPLETELY LOSING THEIR SHIT. Even the headline at Jezebel, deemed by many to be the supreme ruling fire-bitchiest of feminist sites on the world wide web (which I love), had this headline:
WHAT?!?! COME ON, JEZEBEL! That reads about as impactful as “Cat Takes Crap in Box, Covers It With Litter.” A more effective and accurate headline, methinks, might be, oh:
“Biggest Shitbag on Planet Uses Two-Way Mirror to Egregiously Violate Unsuspecting Women Trying to Take an Innocent Piss By Turning Them Into a Motherfucking Peep Show; Tells Everyone Who Doesn’t Like It to Fuck Off”
Yeah, that might be more appropriate.
Even the brilliant feminist writer Lindy West, who normally skewers misogynistic pissheads like this with her machete-sharp, unmatchable words and wit, was somewhat tame in her piece, “Two-Way Mirrors in the Toilets, Yet Another Sign That Comedy Has a Sexist Dark Side.”
A sexist dark side, indeed. However, I’m of the mind that referring to the attitude of fuck women and their ridiculous desire for privacy while using the toilet because my cronies and I get a kick out of it and that’s far more important as a “sexist dark side” is putting is pretty damn mildly.
Now, I realize Lindy writes for The Guardian and the folks over there probably want to put forth an air of professionalism and intelligence so ALL CAPS and a lot of fucks probably ain’t gonna fly. Because I know she could’ve hung this guy up by the balls if she wanted to.
Oh, and there’s also the thing about how when women get all screamy and stuff, men assume we’re just in the midst of some kind of psychotic hysterical period rage and dismiss us as being “overemotional.” WHATEVER, MOTHERFUCKERS. I AM ROYALLY PISSED, AND FOR DAMN GOOD REASON. This is not an overreaction, if anything, everything else I’ve read on the topic has been an underreaction.
This ain’t The Guardian, it’s my rinky dink personal homegrown blog and I’ll say whatever the fuck I goddamn please, because clearly somebody has to. And also because ‘Murrica, mofos, and if this asshole can hang a two-way mirror in the ladies’ john and give negative five fucks about it, then I can give 5,000 fucks in this uncensored rant.
Now, club owner Ronnie (yes, a grown man named Ronnie) said (as he laughed uncomfortably) that there’s no “hanky panky” (yes, his words) going on and the mirror is part of a “fun house” theme to scare the bejesus out of chicks in the shitter with a big monster head through the mirror. Uh-huh. Homie makes a monumental stink and tells a writer to fuck herself and screw the right to privacy because he’s attached to a dumb prank?
Oh, and also? The local police chief says that while videotaping women in a restroom is against the law, there is currently no law barring two-way mirrors in the restroom. WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING LORD OF WHAT?? Do we really need a LAW to let people know that spying on women while they use the toilet is SOME SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP SHIT?
How about this? VOYEURISM is illegal. INVASION OF PRIVACY, which occurs when a reasonable expectation of privacy is infringed upon, has legal ramifications. I’d say women have a reasonable expectation of privacy when using the bathroom.
But no, Ronnie just wants us to trust him, ‘cause it’s all in good fun, and besides, the door with the mirror remains unlocked so women could open it whenever they wanted to. LIKE I WOULD EVER EXPECT THAT THERE’S A TWO-WAY MIRROR IN THERE AND OH I BETTER CHECK TO SEE IF ANYONE IS HAVING A LOOK-SEE WHILE I PEE? The idea that some women might protest the fact that there is a two-way mirror facing the toilet is all part of this awful “feminine hatred” that Ronnie just doesn’t understand.
OK. Let’s for one second give Ronnie the benefit of the doubt and assume that he’s telling the truth, and that in the nearly 15 years that mirror’s been up, it has never been used to gawk at unconsenting women in the bathroom. (Because that’s totally believable, cough, cough.) But could he maybe have the compunction to pause for a second and think, “Hmm, yeah, I can see how women might be uncomfortable with that.” Evidently not.
Oh, and by the by, Ronnie is just tickled pink about all this attention because it means he gets to sell more chicken wings. Klassy guy.
Listen, I dunno how this will all play out and if the Keystone Cops over in Chi-town are going to figure out a way to take down this horrendous mirror, and hopefully the asswipe owner with it, but if they don’t I have half a mind to blast into that restroom on day 2 of my period, extract my Diva Cup and dump it into Ronnie’s whisky sour then call it a gag. Ha ha ha! Now that would be some funny shit, Ron.
Feature image via Fox News
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion