We met for a drink and when I laid eyes on him I really wasn’t attracted physically. I wasn’t repulsed either, he just wasn’t someone I imagined I’d ever want to kiss.
I could pick him apart by saying I didn’t like his hair or his body type or the way he kept saying “Exaaaaactly, exaaaaactly.” But there was nothing really wrong with the guy. We just didn’t have any chemistry.
After a few minutes of not horrible but not scintillating dialogue, I think we both knew there wasn’t a connection. Yet we still spent about 75 minutes engaging in uninspired conversation – putting in the appropriate amount of time required for the sake of decorum.
As you recall, the same thing happened with the geeky question bot. In fact, it happens far more often than not when I meet someone online. Regardless of how someone looks and sounds onscreen, you can’t know if there’s chemistry until you encounter him face to face. And most of the time, sadly, it just isn’t there.
I got this idea from one of my favorite movies, “Waitress.” One of the characters, Dawn, gives every first date she meets five minutes – whether they like each other or not – just five minutes. That way if the guy makes her sick she doesn’t waste a whole evening. (Watch clip here.)
I think this is effing brilliant. Most of the time, you know whether or not you’re going to want to see the person again within the first 300 seconds of meeting. Why bother putting in any more time if you know it’s going nowhere?
I could be a real Pollyanna and think, hey, I get to meet someone new and learn about him and maybe he could help me in my career or give me some travel tips… it’s always great to make new friends!
Whatever. As lovely as that sounds, we’re busy people and we’d rather spend the precious little time we have writing, or cleaning the toaster oven, or catching up on Seinfeld reruns. Because at the end of the day we know what this person really represents: another disappointment.
But back to the positive — the 5-minute date. Hell, I’ll even give him 10. Is it possible to suggest this to a date without sounding crazy?
How would you respond if someone proposed this idea to you before you met? Before you jump and say “Yes!” — really think about how it might make you feel. And be honest!
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion