Ladies, we’ve all been there. You’re walking home in the dark on the cold, mean streets of [insert your city here] when suddenly, a pervert jumps out of the shadows and starts chasing you.
And let’s face it, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to outrun the attacker in your crazy fuck me pumps that baited him in the first place.
Thank goodness for your trusty anti-rape skirt-cum-vending machine!
Actually, thank the Japanese (natch). That’s right, a visionary Japanese designer has created a skirt that converts into a life-size vending machine that women can hide behind to outwit predators.
Here’s how it works:
Sexy and practical! Sheer brilliance.
I absolutely love this idea. It’s totally something Velma from Scooby Doo would do. And your assailant will more than likely be trailing you by a good, oh, half a mile, so you’ll have plenty of time to make the transformation.
However, there is one catch. After chasing you for blocks, the rapist is bound to be thirsty for a Squirt. So you must be prepared and carry change and an assortment of sodas on your person lest you be shaken and kicked repeatedly when you don’t deliver.
I’ve ordered one for each day of the week. I can’t wait to try it out!
Categories: Totally Random
Oh geez — my daughter and I were reading this together and both of us laughed until we cried! Hysterical!!
First they ward off Godzilla, now this? I’m moving to fucking Japan. Screw this America bullshit.
This season’s must have! Where can I get mine?
Denny simply needs a new post. He even got Brian Dunkleman to do a guestie to try and woo you into action.
Damn Vodka and Ground Beef for being so damn witty in her retorts! I think I’m gonna buy one and make the dispenser hole right over my who-hah. After that, I’m not sure what to do. I’m open to suggestions.
That Vodka really is, isn’t she? Do men have a who-hah? What makes you think someone will want to rape you? 😉
hhahahhaah too funny… what happens when they try to buy something from u though?? and they dont get their product..theyll start kicking you to try get that soda out..haha…
Ahem, Ms. Spice! Did you not read the penultimate paragraph? Obviously, I’ve already thought of that and proposed a solution. Pay attention! 😉
Sometime sometimes I wear thoughts pumps on purpose so I can be assaulted is that wrong
Hey honey, whatever works for you. Or you could just go to Craig’s List.
True but the guys on Craigs list are cheap…I prefer to be assaulted by men from Match.com
Oh, you. Class all the way!
This is too funny!
One girl’s humor is another girl’s rape escape.
God bless the Asians. They’re so crafty. I trust them with my anti-rape planning.
As you should. If we all did, I’m pretty sure we could put an end to rape once and for all.
Hot lips…send one C.O.D. to Denny Dance.
Shipping and handling paid when I visit L.A. in January.
Did you just call me Hot lips? That is such a turn-on. I can’t wait for the handling!
This is weird. I just called Karaoke Activity Partner hot lips like 5 minutes ago. I think I must be cycling with Denny.
I would think this would make you more prone to harassment, seeing as the “insert bill” area is right over the left breast…
Ahhhhh… You have found a flaw in the system! I knew it was too good to be true. But then, Japanese women typically have small boobies, so maybe it’s not such a big deal. And I suppose it’s better than full-blown molestation.
I love how this product relies on the premise that Rapists cannot see shoes.
LOL, exactly! I was thinking Japanese women will have to go around putting shoes under all the legit vending machines around the country, so the rapists will just think it’s normal vending machine attire.
Those Asians just need to chillout on the whole creativity thing. But strangely enough, after reading your post I’m craving a deliciously refreshing Coca-Cola. Go figure.
Tip: choose a vending machine without feet.
Well this is the most amazing thing I’ve seen all day. Well done Japan, well done.
They always do it well, don’t they? I’d like to jump in the mind of a Japanese person one day. It’d be the best trip ever.
This is one fashion I will not be wearing. If my ultimate rape anthems guy doesn’t tag me at least once a month, I won’t know what to do with all the Plan B I got when you needed a rx for it – I rented a dump truck.
Wow, you are so practical.
And I totally understand. Gotta get the action wherever you can… or wind up with the dreaded barbie crotch.
Velma was the BEST! Daphne was annoying…
Yes, that Velma was always thinking. I don’t think Daphne would’ve been so clever. She did have good hair, though.
OYG is right. Mine, too! Coolest thing ever.
Those crazy Japanese think of everything. First they take the public orgy title and now they have rape preventing vending machine clothing.
Just better hope that the would be rapist doesn’t look for feet under that machine.
I’m still upset about the public orgy win. The U.S. really better get on the stick and do something cool before we are completely shamed and become Canada or something.
Oops… sorrrrrry 😉
LOL!! Oh the stupidity of some people!
Huh? Who’s stupid?
I don’t know, wouldn’t want to fuck a girl dressed like that. Might as well be wearing a num’s outfit. And I can still see the “fuck-me pumps”.
Fantastic! It works!