To Skirt a Predator

Ladies, we’ve all been there. You’re walking home in the dark on the cold, mean streets of [insert your city here] when suddenly, a pervert jumps out of the shadows and starts chasing you.

And let’s face it, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to outrun the attacker in your crazy fuck me pumps that baited him in the first place.

Thank goodness for your trusty anti-rape skirt-cum-vending machine!

Actually, thank the Japanese (natch). That’s right, a visionary Japanese designer has created a skirt that converts into a life-size vending machine that women can hide behind to outwit predators.

Here’s how it works:

Sexy and practical! Sheer brilliance.

I absolutely love this idea. It’s totally something Velma from Scooby Doo would do. And your assailant will more than likely be trailing you by a good, oh, half a mile, so you’ll have plenty of time to make the transformation.

However, there is one catch. After chasing you for blocks, the rapist is bound to be thirsty for a Squirt. So you must be prepared and carry change and an assortment of sodas on your person lest you be shaken and kicked repeatedly when you don’t deliver.

I’ve ordered one for each day of the week. I can’t wait to try it out!

42 replies

  1. Damn Vodka and Ground Beef for being so damn witty in her retorts! I think I’m gonna buy one and make the dispenser hole right over my who-hah. After that, I’m not sure what to do. I’m open to suggestions.

  2. hhahahhaah too funny… what happens when they try to buy something from u though?? and they dont get their product..theyll start kicking you to try get that soda out..haha…

    • Ahhhhh… You have found a flaw in the system! I knew it was too good to be true. But then, Japanese women typically have small boobies, so maybe it’s not such a big deal. And I suppose it’s better than full-blown molestation.

    • LOL, exactly! I was thinking Japanese women will have to go around putting shoes under all the legit vending machines around the country, so the rapists will just think it’s normal vending machine attire.

  3. Those Asians just need to chillout on the whole creativity thing. But strangely enough, after reading your post I’m craving a deliciously refreshing Coca-Cola. Go figure.

  4. This is one fashion I will not be wearing. If my ultimate rape anthems guy doesn’t tag me at least once a month, I won’t know what to do with all the Plan B I got when you needed a rx for it – I rented a dump truck.

  5. Those crazy Japanese think of everything. First they take the public orgy title and now they have rape preventing vending machine clothing.

    Just better hope that the would be rapist doesn’t look for feet under that machine.

    • I’m still upset about the public orgy win. The U.S. really better get on the stick and do something cool before we are completely shamed and become Canada or something.

      Oops… sorrrrrry 😉

  6. I don’t know, wouldn’t want to fuck a girl dressed like that. Might as well be wearing a num’s outfit. And I can still see the “fuck-me pumps”.

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