Lately, I have stumbled upon a number of blog posts discussing bad online dating profiles. Some cover biggest turn-offs while others re-post the offending profile and call out everything that’s wrong with it.
I wholeheartedly understand the frustration and often come across barf-inducing profiles that leave me thinking, sweet Jesus, who wrote this blather, Spencer Pratt? Next! Next! Next!
But I thought I’d try something different here and post what I consider to be a good online dating profile. Accentuate the positive, yes?
I happened upon the profile below and it really stood out to me:
Iamnotadick [not actual username]: “I put the seat down.”
Hello, my name is Jonathan and yes, I admit it, I pretty much just look at your pictures. Do you actually read these? =P
I came from a very small sperm. And, there was this ovum that came from my mom, but I’m pretty sure that I was mostly the sperm part. Later on in my life an ex-girlfriend would say, “100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”
I grew up a poor white child in the west San Fernando Valley and I’ll never turn back…because I’m afraid I’ll turn to salt.
I’m a fun and honest guy and I have an awesome job in television. In person I’m pretty shy when it comes to women…so that’s why I’m hiding behind this computer. And, my skin sparkles like diamonds in direct sunlight.
I’m pretty ambitious…I’m attending private pilot school and this coming summer I’m going to learn how to scuba dive so I can go get you a lobster dinner whenever you want.
Also, I am not a total fat ass. I try to exercise everyday for 30 minutes on my stationary bike. And, I usually eat fairly healthy.
Anyway, good luck to you, because I can have any woman I please. But, apparently so far, I haven’t pleased any of them.
Actually, I don’t want to put too much information on here, because I can only handle one woman at a time. =P
So, If you want my body and you think I’m sexy…
Come on, sugar, let me know.
You will fan me and feed me grapes…actually it’ll probably be the other way around. =) Maybe we could do something like go shopping so I can buy you a new car. Let me know.
But, if we do have a date, or something, then we’ll tell everyone we met when I dropped an egg on your foot at the Walmart (the one on Crenshaw Blvd.).
7 Reasons Why it Worked:
- He was original. When you’re trying to find Prince Doesn’t-Make-Me-Gag online, you sort through dozens of profiles. After a while, they all start to sound the same. Everybody’s down to earth, everybody loves to laugh (duh!), everybody wants a girl who’s just as comfortable in jeans as she is in heels and a cocktail dress. In a word, meh. This guy used a little creativity and it made him memorable. (I realize the first line is questionable, but after reading the rest, I’m being optimistic and guessing he was going for facetious rather than dickwad.)
- He was funny. This may be a personal preference, but a guy who can make me giggle turns me on. I laughed out loud at the line, “I can have any woman I please. But, apparently so far, I haven’t pleased any of them.” Sense of humor is a biggie for me. Some women might think he sounds a little dorky, but I’m into that. I don’t dig dudes who take themselves too seriously. It might not be for everyone, but hey, this is my blog, muthatruckas.
- He was specific. I often encounter men who type out laundry lists of their porkworthy characteristics. For example, “I can best be described as outgoing, smart, honest, goal oriented, loyal, adventurous, easy-going, established, & with a great sense of humor.” Ho-hum. Prove it. This guy did. He said he was ambitious and described how: he’s attending pilot school and is taking scuba diving classes. The specificity also gives us something to talk about. “Pilot school? I’d love it if you’d show me your cockpit!” Or, “I’ve always wanted to scuba dive! Will you go down on… er, with me?”
- He wrote more than three sentences and less than a dissertation. If your profile is too short it gives me nothing to go on and makes it difficult to discern if we’d make a good match. If it’s too long, I’ll fall asleep. Jonathan’s “About Me” section is 252 words and actually paints a fairly solid picture of who he is. It is the perfect length, and his paragraphs were short, which made it easier to read. When it comes to profiles, size matters, gentlemen.
- He posted good, clear photos. I am not posting them here out of respect for privacy (and I don’t want to get in trouble), but he displayed three clear, close-up photos of his face and one full body shot (with clothes on, thank you). Considering my prior near-death experience with misrepresentation, I require at least two to three close-ups of the guy’s face – without sunglasses or any other accoutrement obscuring his features. Another bonus: these pics were shot by a person other than himself and in a location other than the bathroom.
- He used proper English. If you’re looking for a semi-smart chick, you best know your ass from your elbow when it comes to grammar. So do your penis a favor and memorize these 10 rules (at minimum) immediately.
- Rod Stewart callout. This was just bonus. And if you’re too young to get the reference, I don’t want to know about it.
So did I contact this prince with the prizewinning profile? Well, no. I’m sort of off dating for the moment, plus, well, he’s not my type physically. Geez, I guess that’s kind of a letdown, isn’t it? Even with a well-written profile he doesn’t cut the mustard. I guess that’s the breaks. For me, you gotta be the whole package. And maybe that’s why I’m single.
Nevertheless, if I were attracted to him physically, I’d be on him like Madonna on an underage Latino. Your profile does matter, boys. Yes, we actually read them.
What do you like to see in an online profile? Let’s keep it positive, hey? Good vibrations, peeps.
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion
Hi ,I am paul and i find your Single girlsdating blog very helpful and informative . I wanted to get people thoughts , on why girls on dating sites ,will all say they dont have a webcam or own one ,if I ask them to go on their webcam with me me and chat to me ,another gripe of mine i have with these dating sites , if you suggest using another Social Media to chat on they always so no and say , they only want to talk on the site they are on now and like it to use ?Are they real girls even , or are the girls , profiles all fake and made up by the people who run the sites ? what are your views on the subject and you personally feelings please ?
It’s a privacy issue. Women often feel vulnerable meeting strange men on the internet. They don’t want to share too much information in case you are a psycho.
Hi Naomi thankyou very much for taking the time to answer my question , and I agree completely with every word you j said , its all makes sense to me , now you have explained it to me clearly , i will be following your blog with great interest and hoping you , will give me more advice and help in te future
Reblogged this on Trolling the Class and commented:
Well, It looks like I really need to go back to the drawing board on my profiles. Pretty good advise for us guys who may be struggling with our profiles.
Loved this blog entry! A lot of what this guy did in his profile is what this blog says women should do too: http://blogs.davelozinski.com/datingandrelationships/tips-for-attracting-quality-men-online-part01 Keep it humorous, classy, upbeat, and actually write something good about yourself. @Singlegirlie: you think there’s more quality women than men out there? Obviously you’re not into dating women to actually make an accurate assessment. I think more experimentation and technical validation is required before you make any such wide and sweeping statements whose truth is unsubstantiated. 😉
I am fairly certain I did not say such a thing, my dear.
Yup, you certainly did. Your comment is still on this page in response to “My Name Is Jim”. 3rd sentence you wrote on September 27, 2011 12:33 am
“Hell, *I* prefer meeting people in person. I hate this online shiz. But I’d argue there are more quality women than men, so if you’re really a gem and represent well online, you could meet a great girl. Maybe I’m biased.”
Selective memory? Or another case of a woman saying, “no”, but meaning “yes”? 😉
Aha, you got me! Selective memory (it was some time ago, you know). And I hereby rescind the comment and offer a deep bow in shame.
I appreciate reading your web site. Cheers!
wow. its really entertaining but somehow its TRUE. glad that you share this infomation to everybody it will be a nice help.
thank you ! 😀
appreciate your good infact great writeup i have seen so many profiles that are real 100% fake persons dont even bother to write 10% of truth on there profile…its better to be real for better relationship
Would you or any other girls reading this be willing to take a look at my dating profile and offer some unbiased constructive criticism? I haven’t had much luck with it, and I would appreciate some input. Email firstname.lastname@example.org subject “dating profile” if you would be willing to help. Thanks!
The most telling part about this article is the fact that you loved his profile, but wouldn’t contact him because he’s not your physical type. You completely undercut your own purpose. I’m a little surprised that wasn’t more obvious to you, since you joked about it at the end – doesn’t it seem ironic that you would claim guys’ profiles really matter, and then lift the curtain and reveal that the reason you would not message him is that he wasn’t hot enough?
How good would his profile have had to be to get a message from you? Is there a point at which the profile is just SO good that it doesn’t matter if he’s unattractive? Because if not, then writing a great profile kind of becomes moot. A pointless endeavor. Sort of like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill in hell.
OMG I saw this comment a while ago and meant to reply but completely forgot until now. But I’d like to address it because it raises a very good point. And indeed I am aware of the irony.
You ask, “Is there a point at which the profile is just SO good that it doesn’t matter if he’s unattractive?” And frankly, the answer is no (note: I can only speak for myself; I can’t speak for other women). Attraction matters, it just does. I’m sure you and 98% of the men on online dating sites would say the same.
Now, this does NOT mean you have to have a Brad Pitt face and Channing Tatum abs. Not even. But it does mean *I* have to be attracted to you. And attractiveness lies in the eye of the beholder. Some women are into chubby bearded guys, others like muscular bald men, and there are a thousand other “types” that chicks can dig. The dude in the above example just wasn’t *my* type.
Keep in mind that this does not mean having a good profile is moot. If the guy looked like Tatum but had a terrible profile, I would NOT contact him. This happens quite a lot. But if the guy was kinda average looking or maybe not so much my physical ideal but kinda sorta almost there, a kick ass profile might give him the edge.
A lot of things have to fall in line. I’d say most women are looking for someone with whom she shares some interests, gets along well, treats them with respect, and enjoys being naked with.
I’m glad the profile provided you with entertainment. It makes me think twice about listening to your advice. I’d much rather read a post about a profile that actually turned you on so much that you went on a date with the guy. However I’m fairly sure the guy you’d go out with would 1) be better looking than this slob, 2) be tan and have a six-pack, and 3) at which point you wouldn’t give a shit about his profile and just message the dude, “date” his brains out and accept time-share, because such men are far and few between.
did online dating for 24 hours. It was horrible.
I just started online “dating” (haven’t actually been on a date but that would be because I am very far away from all the menfolk). Profiles I won’t look at are ones that have a beefcake ab photo as a main photo. It just screams “I THINK VERY HIGHLY OF MY ABS!” I don’t like it. Another is that default “Email me to find out more.” Lazy…. And there are 16 photos you can upload. Why upload only scenery? I need to know what you look like, buddy.
I would love to hear your perspective on my Interweb Dating profile?…..
Could possibly explain why I only met crazy bitches?
***Rocking your Blog BTW….Funny Girl! 🙂 ****
I actually found a website that helped me get my profile started when I was having a bit of creative block. I kept looking around at all the different profiles and I wasn’t exactly sure what to write so I googled online dating profile generator and this free one came up and it was actually pretty good. It asked a bunch of questions and then I could just cut and paste it in. http://www.pquery.com
Nice post. I feel like women need the advice most though… I actually wrote a post about things to avoid on a woman’s dating profile on my blog very recently. Check it out here:
Of course you think women need the advice more – you’re mainly looking at women’s profiles. Have you seen some of the men’s profiles? Dear lord.
Well if my profile was so good then why didn’t you say anything to me? Just to let you all know, the profile didn’t work very well for me because, since then, i’ve been…
Now my profile should say, “There’s only so many ways I can make love to my hand.”
Holy shit! I am so busted! How did you find this??
Sorry to hear you haven’t found love. Did you at least get some dates? I would imagine you’d get some interest with your profile – definitely original. A lot of the ladies who commented below seemed to like it! Online dating is a rough game. I did it for years with no success whatsoever. I have to give you props – you made me smile and inspired me to write an entire blog post.
I was sitting here all lonesome and stuff…because i don’t have a date, you know, and I decided to see if anyone had taken any of my jokes for their dating profile. Then i found this.
I only got interest from the really “curvy” cross-eyed girls. You’re not cross-eyed are you? So, since then, I toned down my profile a little and decided to get a match.com. I’ve had a couple dates that went pretty good but i’m picky as hell. Then I had a couple dates with a girl who lives like an hour away. She suddenly stopped texting back. I’m pretty sure the distance was the big deciding factor. Or maybe I stank, who knows.
But I don’t think online dating is really that rough. I work a lot during the week, and I can look at profiles at my leisure. And I can ignore the girls I’m not interested in without repercussion. lol The rough part is emailing them and not coming off as a complete dork. Its tough being original sometimes.
So do we have a date, or what? 😛
I am cross-eyed, in fact. I also have a unibrow and a sizeable filiform wart on my upper lip.
No date. I’m anonymous and don’t date readers and despite my shortcomings listed above, have actually found myself in a relationship somehow.
I want to get you a date though. A bunch of girls who commented here seemed to really like your profile. I suspect not all of them are cross-eyed. Maybe message them?
Ah, the jungle that is online dating.
It might be so that attractive people of both genders receive more attention than their fellow, average-looking citizens, but so what? Does a hundred messages in one’s inbox = success? No.
Wasn’t it Michelle Pfeiffer who once said in an interview that she wished people realized that beautiful people don’t have an easier time in the game of love. Yes. It’s a fact. Being above average in looks does not guarantee a good love life!
I used to really enjoy the online dating scene. I actually met my husband online! I will say more about that later. Right now, I want to hammer home the point that women who receive loads of messages don’t necessarily have an easier time of it.
Wading through scads of messages, some good, some bad, is time consuming and not very fun. Oh, I know, boo hoo, right? It still beats being ignored online. Okay, I will grant you that.
But getting too many responses is not fun. Do you reply and say thanks, but no thanks? If you do, once again – time consuming! If you don’t, you get a barrage of rude follow up messages calling you a stuck up bitch, etc., for not having the courtesy to respond.
Yes, putting yourself out there and risking rejection is scary. I’ve done it. I’ve been rejected. It smarts. At the end of the day, though, a stranger has pretty much looked at the few lines you’ve written, glanced at the pic or two you’ve posted and dismissed you. Is that really such a crisis? Surely, it’s not as devastating as being dumped by a live-in lover or fiance.
I am picky. I can go weeks, even months without seeing a guy who interests me enough to turn my head. I usually know within seconds of meeting a guy whether or not I want to kiss him. Online photos are useful in that they help me screen out whether or not that initial, shallow, purely physical attraction is there, or not. Yes, a well written online ad helps, but if the accompanying photo leaves me cold, it’s…next!
How is this any different from meeting in person in a bar, or a club/dance? It’s not, really.
Over the years, I’ve pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and gone on dates with men who didn’t pique my interest on a physical level to begin with, and you know what? Mostly, it didn’t go anywhere. There was one exception in my 20s, but that was unusual and is a whole story in its own right.
I would have no problem being friends with the men I am not attracted to, but I have pretty much accepted the fact that most men (not all) have no interest in hanging out with a woman as a friend only if they are attracted to her. So, I don’t have many guy friends.
Now, as I said, I met my husband online. I used to chat online for a while, exchange emails, sometimes we would even talk on the phone before meeting. None of these strategies ever worked for me.
With my husband, I saw his photo and was immediately taken by his good looks. My first thoughts were, I am ashamed to admit, that this guy was so good looking, he was probably swamped with emails from other women, a jerk and full of himself. But, hey, I was confident enough to throw my hat in the ring and compete for his attention. I messaged him first.
Then, I heard nothing back.
A few days passed, and I was picking up new messages and chatting online with a girlfriend when he suddenly IM-ed me. I told my friend to hold on, the “good looking guy who never answered just sent me a message!” and, well, the rest unfolded quickly and differently from any other online encounter.
We chatted for perhaps all of 10 minutes, and then I spontaneously suggested we meet for a drink at a restaurant across from my apartment building. It was a midweek night.
We met, talked over a beer and decided to go see a movie together afterwards. He asked to see me again at the end of the evening, and we agreed to go for brunch on the weekend. Brunch turned into an 11-hour date. After a few dates like this, I remember calling my mother and telling her about him and saying, “Mom, I think I’m going to marry this one!” 5 months later, he proposed.
We just celebrated 5 years together, and we’ve been married for 3.
Great story! And you are so right, being attractive doesn’t make dating and relationships any easier. Hell, just look at Jennifer Lopez.
Of course attractive women have an easier time of it. Otherwise, they would post less attractive pictures of themselves.
I think shadow nails it, from the men’s viewpoint. Why put all the effort into being one of many hundreds of replies she’ll get. If the game is unnecessarily stacked against you, don’t play by those rules, find a different game. There are as many women as men in the world, after all. No need to fight over scraps.
Most men should meet women in person. I had luck with dances, I don’t know why but I met most of my girlfriends through them. And it sure is a lot more fun to dance than slave over a profile that the women will just ignore anyway.
Hell, *I* prefer meeting people in person. I hate this online shiz. But I’d argue there are more quality women than men, so if you’re really a gem and represent well online, you could meet a great girl. Maybe I’m biased.
Dances sound great, but what if we’re not in high school?
Before I gave up on online dating due to intense trauma, I had some rules written on my profile (that didn’t stop guys from breaking them):
“I won’t answer to:
– Guys with only 1 photo
– Guys with photos from really far away (I look like Megan Fox from really far away)
– Guys with glasses in all their pictures (What are you hiding?)
– Guys that can’t spell (really? english is not my first language and I have better grammar than you) ”
With you on all four points, girl. Abso-friggin-lutely.
i agree completely! it’s all about the creativity and just not taking yourself too seriously. but, unfortunately, you have to be able to look at their face inbetween bites of that salad…. i’m with ya girl.
Yeah. If only we could mix and match personalities with faces & bodies. Oh, why is it so hard?
His profile is awesome, yes! He sounds fun, but definitely not out to play you.
When you say he’s not your physical type, how much did body language play into it, do you think? I’ve seen such potentially attractive-looking guys fail to exploit this to the max by terrible body language. This is particularly striking in tall men.
Nah, it wasn’t body language. I’m just ridiculously shallow when it comes to appearance. 😉
I love this post! I was laughing while reading that profile. It was very hilarious but with sense. I agree with you that a profile like that is outstanding. Important thing is, it’s not boring to read. I have seen profile that are too long and too boring to finish reading it. I like a profile to be direct to the point and with some humor injected for me to have fun reading the profile. Thanks for this. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog. 🙂
You’re welcome. I agree, I don’t understand guys who write novels. Do you think you’re that interesting? Do you think I have the time to read all that?
Ok, I think I might be in love with you. It may be too soon but I just can’t help the way I feel. Your blog is like a fantastic online dating profile. Sarcasm. Check. Witty? Check. Awesomeness? Check. and Check. When you know you know, right?
Wait, was that directed at Denny? I usually assume so, but you’re on Single’s turf here and she gets a little territorial when Denny Dance is involved.
Oh, Denny. Can’t even allow me a lesbian love affair without trying to muscle your way in.
Lola – are you just trying to get in my pants? Loooo-la. Lo-lo-lo-lo-loooo-la.
Finally a woman who might love me for my grammar instead of my body! I kid, mostly.
I dig your style – glad I found you.
Thanks, love. But between grammar and body? Hmm, toughie. Can’t I have both? No dangling modifiers, please.
Even if not attracted I still think I’d have to contact him for a job well done and see if maybe friendship could be had…He seems fun to hang with!
Not a bad idea, actually. Maybe if I’m feeling saucy one day.
I am SO with you. Look, when I attempt to date “online” – I am only going to contact people I find physically attractive. Sorry. They are my standards. You don’t have to like them.
However. A bad profile? Not being able to spell? Writing an entire thesis or nothing at all? Not knowing who Rod Stewart is? Won’t even be winkin’ at you, kid.
And – if it’s really funny and I’m not entirely sure about you? Or you send me a witty e-mail? I might see what you’re like in person.
Amen! So glad someone is with me on Rod Stewart.
Maybe it’s because its spring, but it seems like I’ve been reading a lot of posts like this lately. On the one hand, I think it’s some good advice on writing a successful online profile. On the other, the more I read about what women are looking for and expecting to find in a profile, I wonder if many aren’t falling for the fallacy of choice: that there are so many guys out there that being very demanding about the nuances of an online profile is the best approach. I find myself wondering how many women who look for the things you cite above, and respond only to those profiles, are the same ones who then write blog posts complaining about how they meet nothing but douchebags via online dating sites.
Look at your last post as a fine example. You went for the guy with the good profile and the model-riffic picture. What you got was a jerk who tried to mislead you. What less-than-perfect, non-comedian, but honest profile might you have passed over that you ended up spending the evening with The Turkey from Turkey?
Most people have a sense of humor, but not everyone can be funny on cue, particularly in the limited context of an online dating profile. Hell, I can keep my friends in stitches when we’re hanging out together, and turn out a decently funny blog post on occasion, but I’ve always had a devil of a time being funny in an online dating profile. (Given how important sense of humor seems to be on both sides, it seems as though everyone wants to live in a world of stand-up comics. *shudder*)
My point is: if the perfect profile and the perfect picture and the perfect e-mail lead you to the perfect douchebag, maybe “perfect” isn’t so perfect after all. And yes, you’re right: those who can write humorously and look like they pose for ads in GQ on a regular basis are going to do better in the online dating world. I won’t argue that. But, looking at the complaints I continuously read by women who go out on terrible dates from online sources, it’s hard not to wonder if perhaps those exclusive criterion aren’t being given a bit too much weight…
Anyway, just my thoughts. Feel free to disagree, I love a good, lively discussion/debate. 🙂
Well, geekhiker, you raise an excellent point, and you are correct. A guy having a great profile and photos absolutely does not guarantee that he’s a great guy. There is always the chance that he’s going to be a douchebag. But, on the other hand, I don’t think it’s fair to say if a guy has a great profile and great photos then he MUST be a douchebag. No matter what the guy says in his profile, weak or strong, it’s always going to be a crapshoot. I know that more than anybody.
But it’s the only thing we have to go on. There are thousands of guys online and we have to make a judgment based on something. So we look at your profile and your photos – it’s all we’ve got! And some are going to stand out more than others, and those will have an advantage. I’m trying to share what makes a profile stand out (in my world).
As distasteful as it may sound, it’s about marketing. If a guy has one blurry photo taken from 50 feet away and his profile says, “I’m a great, down to earth, fun and honest guy. If you’d like to chat, just send me a message” versus a guy with a more robust profile and multiple photos that actually show what he looks like, well, who would you contact? Think about it. If you’re buying a car, you’re not just going to buy one you’ve never heard of with an ad that says, “This is a really good car. Please buy it.”
Not everyone is going to be a clever, witty writer like the guy above. Just like when you meet someone in a bar, not everyone is going to be a gregarious conversationalist. But as I said, these people are going to have the advantage in their situations. And no, not every guy I’ve gone out with has had a profile like the one above because, frankly, I don’t come across them very often. But he has to have SOMETHING to say. Your profile has to say something that will make me think that maybe we’d be a good match.
I’m sure you have certain criteria you look for in a girl. Maybe an age range, a body type, education level, race, reasonable use of emoticons? (And to be fair, I’m sure there are women who would be offended by your criteria.) Whatever it is, I trust you don’t just message every female on the site. You make a judgment based on her photos and (maybe?) profile. I do the same.
I wouldn’t want to date a stand up comic. I dated two (who I did not meet on dating sites) and they were both pretty lame. And here’s my smiley face 🙂
that’s pretty awesome, esp from the perspective of our satire dating experiment on LITD… that is, the reverse sell. Get on that, Single G!
OK! Wait… get on what?
My last ad was a pic of Denny in his hair-shirt and this text:
“Hop on Pop”
21 responses in 6+ years.
Denny, your pic alone is like the Funky Col Medina. No words are needed. Although Hop on Pop really does get my juices going.
Loved the post today! As a veteran of on-line dating I often used the three tools at my disposal. Honesty, Humour and Hotness.
Well I may not be hot, so that’s where the other two come in. I always found that if I could get a woman talking then I stood a chance to go out a few times to test compatibility. Attitude is key, self deprecation and an easy going demeanour always worked well.
This guy seems to have the humour and smarts in spades.
Yup! As I mention below, a good writer is going to have an advantage with online dating. And humor goes a long way in breaking the ice and getting someone to warm up. Because everyone who dates online loves to laugh (barf).
I wonder if he got some of his tv friends to write him a profile. Yeah, I’ve done enough of internet dating to be cynical like that. J/k 2 thumbs up to this dude. He should give classes. Or at least offer pre-written profiles to the masses.
Could be. Or maybe he’s a TV writer. Or maybe he paid a pro to write his profile. Whatever it was, it worked. He stood out. That’s the thing, good writers are going to have an advantage with online dating, just as outgoing, charismatic people will have an advantage when meeting someone in person. You have to play to the medium.
This. is. awesome. You couldn’t have found a more perfect profile to dissect, and I absolutely love your style of writing. Very valid points on what makes for a memorable and impressive profile.
Shadow- you do have a point, but I think it works both ways. You can’t control what assumptions (or sometimes misconceptions) a person will make about you just by reading an online profile. There have been many days when I think “I’m a perfectly good looking female with a lot to offer”, yet I get rejected, or worse- ignored, by someone I think is worthy. I’ve learned that you just can’t take offense when the other party never even met you in person. It sucks, but it builds character too.
No offense taken here. All I’m saying is that online dating is a poor use of a guy’s time and energy, and that Singlegirlie’s excellent blog post demonstrates why that’s the case.
For my female friends I definitely recommend that they online date. It’s great for them. They can pick and choose from a huge number of guys at a safe distance and select exactly what they want and ignore the rest.
For a guy, on the other hand, even if you have something going for you (as this poor fellow clearly does) the overwhelming likelihood is that you will be among “the rest.”
Online dating is indeed a numbers game, just as everyone says, and in this game the numbers favor the ladies.
I’ve had better luck meeting women in person and I like it better. It’s more adventurous and it feels more like romance to me.
@Single Blonde – thank you, love! And I feel you on the whole rejection thing. A lot of guys assume girls have it made, but it’s just not true. I get SO frustrated with the whole dating thing. Man, oh man do I.
@Shadow – see below.
It’s nice of you to post these hints, Singlegirlie, but I think what you’ve really demonstrated is that online dating is hopelessly stacked against guys. This dude did everything right and he still didn’t get the girl.
Well of course he didn’t. How many messages a day does an attractive woman get? Dozens? Scores? Even more? Forget it, man.
In my opinion online dating is for the birds (pun intended).
Well, here’s the thing, Shadow man, you’re simplifying by saying this dude did *everything* right. He had an original, well-written, appealing profile (IMO). Having a good profile is ONE essential factor to pique my interest, but other factors must come into play as well. For me to message you (this guy did not send me a message, by the way), three factors must be present:
1. I must find you attractive based on your photos
2. You should have a good (see elements in post) profile
3. I must think we’d be a good match based on your interests, activities, education level, occupation, etc. (I will often only know this if you’ve successfully fulfilled #2)
So it kinda has to be a perfect storm. Sound like a tall order? I dunno, I think it’s fair. This guy had 2 & 3, but not 1. Now, if he had 1 & 2, but not 3, it probably wouldn’t work either. He could be Hottie McHottie and be clever & witty but if he goes camping and hunting every weekend I’m not going to message him because I detest those things. However, another girl might like them. So he won’t get a message from me, but he might from another girl who he matches better with.
You say attractive women get scores of messages. But what about an average looking woman? It often seems like men (not talking about you specifically – I see this a lot) feel entitled to date a hot girl. Yes, attractive women might fare better online than an average looking woman when it comes to receiving messages. And attractive men will fare better than average looking men. Attractive people just fare better in general when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex, on or offline. That’s just life.
BUT, even this is sort of idealized. Like Single Blonde above, I think I’m a pretty good catch, but I’ve messaged men many times and received no reply. I’ve also gone on dates with guys who I never hear from again. In my 3+ years of online dating I’ve only had second dates with about four men. And only one that actually turned into a relationship. So when you say online dating is for the birds, I’m with you. Birds not meaning chicks. 😉
I wouldn’t call the guy above a poor fellow. He might be doing great with the ladies online. I didn’t fancy him, but someone else might. That’s the thing that guys must understand. Not all women want the same thing. That’s a big one so I’ll say it again. Not all women want the same thing. My friends and I look for completely different qualities in men. As I said, some girls might think the guy above has a stupid profile. I can only speak to what *I* want.
“Yes, attractive women might fair better online than an average looking woman when it comes to receiving messages. And attractive men will fair better than average looking men. Attractive people just fair better in general when it comes to attracting members of the opposite sex, on or offline.”
Just nitpicking. For someone who expects a man to know ‘his ass from his elbow when it comes to grammar’, you’re pretty much throwing stones at a fellow-glass dweller!
In the excerpt from your post, it should have been ‘fare’, not ‘fair’.
That aside, I have to confess, I love your writing. Discovered your blog a little less than a week ago and I sat up late one night reading through all the archives.
Let me say it again, I love your style 🙂
Well, motherfucker. Is my face red. Funny thing is, when I was writing it, I actually thought to myself, “Is it fare or fair?” but I was too lazy to look it up because it was late and I was buzzed. Still, no excuse. I’m going to change it now. Thanks for calling me out, bitch! 😉
Denny says “fair” was right
Because Single is DelVecchian caliente.
Oh, I love you, Den Den. You just earned a 30-minute handjob. With lotion.
“And, my skin sparkles like diamonds in direct sunlight.”
Hilarious! Award-winning profile for sure. Great pick, great post.
Whew! Glad someone agrees. For a minute I thought, maybe everyone else HATES this guy’s profile. Which would be perfectly fine, actually. We don’t all want the same thing. But you obviously have excellent taste 🙂
Yes yes yes yes YES! Testify!
I have a mad crush on you after reading this post, and I’m a strictly-dickly sort of gal.
Well, thank you, ma’am! Strictly dickly, eh? Me too. I like the penis. Although sometimes I really, really, really wish I didn’t. Sigh.
LOVE IT! Great minds think alike since I blogged exact opposite thing yesterday!
I like when guys clearly say what they’re looking for. I have seen profiles that say “I don’t want a serious relationship, I just want to make friends as I’m new to the city” which is clearly another option for “I just wanna have sex.” But saying “I am looking for a serious relationship” makes it a helluva lot easier.
I totally agree when you say show me. You’re funny, you’re smart, etc. Show me. Show me in your profile here. Don’t give me a laundry list and tell me you are down-to-earth.
Excellent point – just say what you want so you don’t waste either of our time. Your post was great!