The other day I was eating tacos with my gay bf and the conversation, as it often does, drifted toward sex. I swear, it had nothing to do with the tacos. I was curious about at what stage in the dating relationship do gay men find it acceptable to engage in sexual activity.
Below is an excerpt from our most scintillating dialogue:
Me: When you and Walt met, did you have sex on the first date?
Gay bf: Of course.
Me: What do you mean “Of course?”
Gay bf: I mean, why wouldn’t we?
Me: Well, if you were both looking for a relationship, wouldn’t you think sex too soon would somehow cheapen it? Or that one wouldn’t take the other seriously?
Gay bf: No, are you crazy?
Me: Perhaps. But that’s beside the point.
Gay bf: What is the point?
Me: The point is, that is exactly how a lot of straight couples think.
Gay bf: That’s dumb.
Me: I’m aware.
Gay bf: If I meet a guy and I’m attracted to him, of course I’m going to want to have sex with him. And vice versa.
Me: And this doesn’t make you think less of each other?
Gay bf: What did I just say? He’s thinking the exact same thing I’m thinking, so why would I think less of him?
Me: I know, I know… It makes so much sense.
Gay bf: Besides, it’s best to know if we’re sexually compatible right off the bat so we don’t waste our time.
Me: The logic is mind-blowing.
Gay bf: Thank God I’m gay. Straight sex seems extremely complicated.
Me: It is… It is.
I constructed a little flow chart to illustrate the basics of gay sex and relationships, according to my gay bf:
The Basic Logic Behind Gay Sex & Relationships
It’s just so simple. No one thinks, “If he has sex with me too soon, he must be a slut” or “He gave it up on the first date, so there’s no challenge. Next.” Men know that men like sex, so no one is judged for their desire to get freaky on the first date.
But hold up, wait a minute. A little birdie just let me in on a little secret:
Women love sex, too. A lot.
What-what? Where’s your head at? Get out of town!
Of course, this revelation is about as shocking as the news that Ricky Martin smokes pole, but for one reason or another, some men just don’t seem to accept that women want sex as much as they do. And if she does, she is no longer considered relationship material.
The double standard is still very much alive: a man is allowed to have sex at any point in the relationship without censure. Conversely, a woman must exercise restraint lest she be deemed “too easy” and cast aside like the condom they had every intention of using but didn’t.
So with every new man she dates, the same question races through the woman’s head: “Will he dump me if I sleep with him too soon?”
Quite frankly, the nuances of early-stage straight sex is for the birds.
I should have been a gay man. I mean, the benefits are endless: Sex without judgment… no preordained assumptions about who picks up the check… makeup optional…
The only glitch I haven’t worked out is who would lead during a waltz.
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion