You may have noticed that I haven’t been writing much about my dating life of late. It could be because I haven’t dated in months. Or it could be that I have been dating… my ex-ex-boyfriend (i.e., my ex-boyfriend who is once again my boyfriend, for you slow folk).
I confess: Tom and I are reunited, and it feels so good.
I didn’t want to write about it because I was afraid I’d jinx it. I’m afraid I’m jinxing it as I type at this very moment. And now, I’m hoping that saying I’m afraid of jinxing it will somehow throw a wrench in the Universe’s plan to jinx it and instead have the counter effect of not jinxing it. Are you following me?
Whatever. Enough of the woo-woo hullabaloo.
It’s been about three months now, and everything is hunky dory. For whatever reason, we don’t fight anymore. Sure, we disagree from time to time, but for the most part, there’s peace in the valley.
What has magically transformed our relationship? Fuck if I know. Well, maybe I do know, kinda-sorta.
The first time around, I wasn’t really all the way in. For a relationship to work, you either have to be in – like, all the way in — or out. No halfway crap. I had thought I was in, and even said it out loud to myself. But in the back of my mind (where the evil thoughts lie), I was dwelling on the reasons why it wouldn’t work rather than seeing why it would work.
I was hung up on our many differences. Every time one would make itself evident, I’d think, See? This is all wrong. When we broke up, I was confident it was for good.
He continued to call me. For a long time, I didn’t budge. I was convinced I’d done the right thing. But we’d talk, and we’d laugh, and I missed him. I went out on dates with a couple new guys, but it only made me miss Tom more.
We started to see each other casually, then we started to see each other seriously. This time, I’m all the way in, and not just in theory. Instead of assuming, There must be someone better for me, I’m thinking, He is the one for me.
Perhaps an absence was necessary for me to not only appreciate all of his extraordinary qualities – but also to accept our differences and some of the “flaws” I couldn’t get over in the past. Accepting isn’t always an easy thing to do – in fact, I don’t know if it’s possible to will oneself to do it, as I had tried the first time. The second time, it just happened. I just let go. And he did, too.
I find him handsomer and sexier than ever before, I love him like I never knew I could, and we’re having a blast. More dancing like retards. More morning thunder. More quality time with the anaconda. More cuddling (he is hands-down the best cuddler). More listening and understanding. More better.
He’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. Our relationship is not perfect. But it’s working. And I’m a happy girl.
(Please, oh please, Universe. Have mercy.)
Categories: True Story