Gong! Gong! I am banging the gong to announce the winner of my Super Fun Holiday Condom Giveaway with Sir Richard’s! I don’t really have a gong but if I did I would totally bang it every day. OMG, not like that you pervs. Change subject — watch this funny condom video:

Now, wasn’t that fun? Honestly, I’m too damn sick with the flu and puking like a penis to think of something witty to write, so I’m just going to get to it.

The winner is… Mr. Single Steve! Wooooooooooooooooo!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, and no, I didn’t just choose him because we have the same first name. I assigned everyone who entered a numeral then let an automated random number generator do the picking. So if you have a problem with it, blame math. And incidentally, this chap happens to have quite the funny blog of his own, so I suggest you check it out. Congratulations, Single Steve! DM me your mailing addy and Sir Richard’s will send you the goodies. I hope you and your tallywacker make great use of them.

As for the rest of you, you can and should still buy Sir Richard’s condoms on their website. These guys are free of harsh chemicals, and for every condom you purchase, Sir Richard’s will donate one to a developing country. That gets me hard just thinking about it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I must return to my death bed, which I’ve only recently learned is just your regular bed and not something you buy at IKEA.