I am 12 going on a lot older than 12.

I never believed in soul mates. Well, okay, not since I was a teenager, when I believed that Ralph Macchio was my soul mate and “Glory of Love” was written about us and it was only a matter of time before we met, fell in love and got married. I’m over it now.

But since then, I haven’t really bought the whole soul mate thing. I mean, it sounds super silly. The idea that of the seven billion people in the world, there is one that is meant for me and only me and alls I have to do is find him and we’ll live happily ever after!

Well, maybe mine lives in Bangladesh or something which means we’ll never meet because I have no designs on going there and he probably won’t make it here so I guess we’ll both just have to settle for our non-soul mates. Whatever.

Or mayyyyyyybe the whole notion of soul mates is just kinda a load of malarkey.

Now, if there are people out there who insist they’ve found their soul mate, then good for them. I’m not saying it’s not possible that they found their soul mate, but I don’t believe that everyone necessarily has a soul mate and if they do, I think there’s a much greater chance that they will NOT wind up together than they will. And why did God or the Universe or whoever even come up with the concept of soul mates if they weren’t ever going to find each other?

Anyway, I think I’ve made my argument. And by now you get the point that I never believed in soul mates.

UNTIL NOW.

Ben Feldman, the actor, is my soul mate. Wait, hear me out. Not just because he’s insanely cute and makes my loins quiver. Plenty of guys do that. There’s a real, seriously solid reason that I’m pretty sure has something to do with mystical forces which have recently presented empirical evidence that we are bound by destiny as ordained by the Universe. (Okay… maybe not quite empirical. But it’s very compelling.)

Here’s the story:

In 2004, I was in Montreal with my now ex and we were standing in line to see Drew Carey and the Improv All-Stars at the Just for Laughs festival. We were just standing there, waiting in this huge line when this guy walked by and our eyes locked for maybe three to five seconds. But in that three to five seconds, something weird and electrical and powerful and transcendent occurred.

When our eyes met we — how do they call it? Shared a moment. Like, a king god kamehameha moment that would put all other moments to shame. Like, I was this close to going to Craigslist and placing an ad under “Missed Connections” but, you know, I was already with someone and that would’ve been fucked up. But that guy was my guy. It wasn’t the same as when I see some random hottie and get a little tingly, he and I had an instant motherfucking connection and we both knew it. But I was with someone and he was with someone and so he just kept walking and I kept standing.

It was Ben Feldman. I’m serious, you guys.

Of course, at the time, I had never heard of Ben Feldman the actor and he probably wasn’t even an actor back then. At least not one who acted in anything I or anyone else would’ve seen.

He was EXACTLY my type. If you want to know what my type is, it’s Ben Feldman. He is precisely the type of guy I would go for. Very specifically. Look at this photo:

Those eyes. That thick, dark hair. That dashingly handsome boyish face. That’s my type. Exactly.

(Okay, maybe I said something vaguely similar before about Jason Bateman and Harry Styles, BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT. I’M TELLING YOU.)

Anyway, I never forgot about him. I always remembered that guy from Montreal and wished there were some way I could track him down, but obviously there wasn’t.

Then last year, I saw Ben Feldman on The Mindy Project. Ben Feldman, the now actor. He played Mindy’s love interest. I had never seen him onscreen before but those same waves of energy rippled through my body the second he walked into frame.

At first, I wasn’t 100% convinced that it was the same guy from Montreal but I knew it looked a hell of a lot like him. And I wondered.

I looked him up on IMDB and Googled photos of him and typed in “Ben Feldman Montreal” just in case I could uncover something. But I didn’t. Oh well, whatever. I hoped he’d remain Mindy’s love interest for a while so I could at least keep ogling him but sadly they broke up after the second episode and Mindy started going out with that guy from Workaholics. (An inferior choice, IMO.)

So… this season, Ben Feldman the actor stars in a new rom-sit-com called A to Z. Everyone knows I fucking HATE romantic comedies, but Ben was in it and I had to get all up in that shit. And what is the premise of this show?

Get a load of THIS:

A guy spots a girl at a show and they share a magical moment for a few seconds despite not speaking and despite each of them being with other people. Years later, they bump into each other again and go on a date and the guy figures out that she was the girl from the show and realizes… it’s destiny.

HELLO?! Is this not a goddamned sign? Come on you guys! The show he is starring in is basically exactly what happened to us! And by us I mean me and Ben! Except we haven’t technically, you know, met. Yet.

Okay. Alrighty. Ahem. *Cough*

Well… Admittedly, now that I’m typing it all out it maybe sounds a teeny bit ridiculous. But I swear, even before I saw this A to Z show, I thought Ben could very possibly be the guy in Montreal. And when I learned about the show’s storyline… well, how could I not freak out a little?

I’m not going to do any stalking. Well, I sort of already did and apparently he married someone. But hey, I’m just putting this out there. So, Ben, if you stumble upon this blog, or if someone who knows Ben stumbles upon this blog and he and his wife happen to be on the brink of divorce – not that I’m willing that to happen or anything, just, you know, if it is already the case perchance – then how about you show this to him.

I’m on Twitter.

UPDATE: Alrighty. I just learned that Ben’s show A to Z got cancelled after five episodes. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, UNIVERSE? Well, tell Ben I’m still interested. I’m down with broke dudes.

UPDATE #2: Okay, what the FUCK, Universe? I now just heard FROM BEN’S MOUTH that the show is NOT cancelled. Why are you toying with me like this???