Why Jason Bateman Is the Most Perfect Man Alive

Jason Bateman

It is no secret — I am head over heels, entirely and gaga-rifically insane for Jason Bateman. I have professed my love and lust for him many times — on Twitter, in this post, and most recently in my interview with The Hook.

Now, Jason is generally not regarded as your typical hunk of sexpot man meat. This category is usually reserved for the likes of George Clooney, Zac Efron or Ryan Reynolds.

But in my opinion, Jason puts all of these mimbos to shame. He possesses the four primary qualities I am looking for in a man: handsome, intelligent, funny and kind. At least I’m pretty sure he’s kind. You can just tell.

Also, he’s clearly very good looking, but not so Tyson Beckford sex-dripping modelesque that you’d be looking over your shoulder every minute wondering if some greedy bitch is jockin’ your man.

Oh! And also, my friend honest-to-goodness MET HIM once (fucking bitch!) at this party and she said he was really super nice and down to earth. Seriously. This really happened.

And he is just so damn smart and funny. I mean, his dry sense of humor is such a major thong-dropper and is so my thing.

In essence, Jason Bateman is the most perfect man alive. For me.

In fact, it is highly possible that the reason I am still single is because I simply haven’t met anyone who’s Jason Bateman.

So like any crazy obsessive fanatical fangirl would, I’ve written this post over on BuzzFeed as my tribute to his perfection:

33 Reasons Jason Bateman Is the Unsung Hottie You Should Be Drooling Over

Jason Bateman gif

Yes, Jason, yes! It includes lots of beautiful, droolworthy pics and gifs of JASON, along with some terse, witty commentary. There’s even this one gif of him with these ducklings and you will absolutely DIE when you see it. I did.

So if you want to see all the reasons I love Jason Bateman, please go check it out. I totally could’ve thought of more than 33 but I figured I should stop before I looked like a complete psycho.

Or is it too late?


Who is your celebrity crush? Why? Please won’t you play and geek out with me??

39 replies

  1. Yes Jason has definitely matured into a sexy, smart protagonist on screen. He is also perfectly proportional and aged well:)

  2. I’m not into the celebrity fan stuff, but I would not say no to getting to know this man better. He is easy on the eyes, can probably relate to my view of the world (our birthdays are 6 months apart) and there is nothing sexier to me than a man who can make me laugh. His comedic timing is perfect. I am happy for him that his marriage has lasted, but if ever he is single and is the exception who does not want a woman half his age, he can feel free to contact me. 🙂 I can’t get enough of watching him on screen.

  3. I just found this article when I had finished watching Arrested Development, I’m kind of late..but he sure is a very attractive man. And I don’t find most men attractive, he has something special.

  4. I totally agree!!! Jason Bateman is the perfect man. Sweet, funny, sexy, cute, handsome, talented and he really does seem so cool and down to earth, which is a rarity with celebs….especially former child stars. This guy def has it together and that makes him even hotter! He is delicious!!!

  5. Jason Bateman is perfection. I’ve been crushing on him since the late 80’s when he was on The Hogan Family. So anyway I’m kind of protective over him since I feel like we go way back, but I think you did him justice. Oh, sweet Jason😍

  6. I feel like im getting a celebrity crush on Jason. He is a funny cute hot down to earth man. he was cool in Juno. I think he loved Juno. He was sooo funny in The Sweetest Thing, very cute in Teen Wolf Too, so im listening some of the movies I have with him. Jason seems like the kinda guy a girl wants to settle down with .

    • I am Totally in lovewith him andit’s weird because I disliked him asa child; I thought heacted overly-conceited in his roles. Now I’m SO in love. Paul Anka’sdaughter isso lucky. Heis so down to earth and those boyish goodlooks are forever. Ihate metrosexual men andhe’s so handsome andboyish and kind. I just love him.

    • Oh, I know, his character in Juno was not very likable. Have you seen Arrested Development? I think that’s when I fell in love. And the more I learn about the man the more I fall. Wheeeeeee!

  7. Hey, sexiest litterateur. How U doin’? 😉

    I swing from the chandelier between Paul Rudd and Jason Bateman. My confession on the dance floor? I used to think them one and the same. But Jason is my kinda man … bate.

    Your Bradley Coopers, David Beckhams and Matthew Mc (lemme Google it) Conaugheys leave me as indifferent as KimYe’s Vogue cover. So, what’s my celeb crush of crushes?

    Two words.

    Kevin. Spacey.

    Boom. Bam. Pow!

    • Sweet pea! You drop in every now and again and it’s such a treat when you do. I miss ya, gay arab guy. 😉

      Spacey? Really? Wouldn’t have guessed that. I have recently become a fan of House of Cards. He’s AWFUL and I love it!

  8. I adore him too. I mean, not as much as you. Clearly. I’m sure you have seen that magazine cover where he is pouring lemonade down his pants. Yum!

    • I like that… understated sexiness. It’s like he’s sexy but doesn’t know it. Or maybe he knows it and is pretending not to know it. Whatever it is, I’m buying it.

      Arj Barker, huh? Must Google. The funny guys really do have something though, don’t they?

  9. My celebrity crush would be RDJ. He’s such a delightfully entertaining little freak! And there’s something attractive to me about the way he gives off the appearance of being an asshole on-screen then turns around and gushes about his wife for curing him of his addictions and continually claims to be unworthy of her. I think he’s all right.

    I don’t typically have huge celeb crushes, but this RDJ thing which started kind of as a joke kept growing and now my friends, coworkers, and even my husband like to point it out and send me pictures, web links, Photoshopped images of RDJ+me… as though I were obsessed with him. It works. haha!

    • Ohhh, sister, I am there with you on that one. RDJ has been on my list for years. Hot, talented, funny. And damn does he look good for being a crackhead all those years. Nice choice. Very nice, indeed.

  10. You know what I liked about this post? You simply describe the right reasons why someone should be attractive for real! To be honest, after reading this post I’m even considering changing from Olivier Martinez to him! Haha

  11. Pass the wash cloth to wipe the drool from my chin. Holy crapola…how beautiful?
    *tells self to behave, I am a practically married woman…goes for a cold shower*

    And thank you…for educating us in the way of the Bateman 😀

  12. I can understand it. His once-more-famous-than-he sister, Justine, is about my age, and I was then totally in love with her on the small screen, and as I inferred her to be in regular life. There’s something in that Bateman gene pool….

  13. …Zac Efron? Really? I rationally know he’s attractive, but he has the kind of face that makes it easy for me to picture what he looked like at age 10. Do you know what I’m talking about here? It happens more frequently with men than women, I think. Anyway.

    Jason Bateman is amazing, but can I tell you who I’ve just started getting into lately? Jim Gaffigan. Probably for the same reason I love Louis C.K; I’m turned on by middle-aged funny guys (with children?). I don’t know. I’m bad at thinking of these things on the spot.

    • Really ladies? Louis CK? I mean, yeah, he’s funny, but I don’t want to see him naked. But you know what? Whatever floats your boat! Katie I think you and I are opposites. You like ’em old and I like ’em young. 😀

      I think Zac Efron is kind of adorable. But. Seems. Dumb.

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