Single Girl Blogging Answers Your Questions!

Trying to navigate the complex world of dating, sex and relationships is a rough game. Oftentimes, boys and girls have questions they are too embarrassed to pose to their parents, clergymen or neighborhood prostitute.

Luckily, there is Single Girl Blogging.

The good folks at WordPress inform me daily which search engine terms people are typing in that lead to my blog. It has come to my attention that there are some very misguided individuals surfing the interwebs. I believe is it kismet that brought these lost souls to me, and it is my duty to address their queries with the utmost compassion and candor.

The phrases that appear in bold below are actual search terms people used to find my blog. They have not been edited. I suggest you read through my responses carefully, as this is sage wisdom coming from a girl with a blog.

20 Questions and Answers About Sex, Love and Farts

Q: do men expect anal sex will they leave or cheat if you won’t
A: Honey, it depends on the guy. If the dude is super into butt play, then it’s possible. But don’t despair, some guys are not keen on the idea of getting poop on their peen. This is the man for you. (Me too.)

Q: women dating advice his dick is the size of a pinky
A: Do it doggie style. It will feel slightly bigger. Sadly, I have experience with this.

Q: i’m a single girl i like to have sex how can i have
A: Easy peasy!

Q: is there a single girl out there who is a perve
A: Yes! See above.

Q: what would happen if a girl fart on your dick
A: An air bubble will be passed from her anus to your urethra, which will subsequently travel to your bladder and implode, thereby forcing urine out of your pores and every bodily orifice. I recommend avoiding if possible.

Q: why do girls laugh at my small peepee??
A: Because it’s funny, yo! And calling it a peepee doesn’t help.

Q: my bf was fingering me and then has gooey stuff on it
A: Oh, sweetie, that just means he’s doing it right.

Q: what is the easiest way to make a woman fart in front of you?
A: Cook her a loving, homemade meal of pinto beans and broccoli. Then just wait.

Q: she-male dick ass penis breast anal sexy.
A: Not sure how this search phrase led to my blog. When did I say “breast”?

Q: are happy endings common in Thailand
A: Yes, they are. I learned the hard way.

Q: why do girls never make the first move
A: Because we’re pussies. We don’t want to be rejected any more than anyone else does. Then we hide behind the notion that men like to “hunt” and should therefore make the first move. It’s very convenient. (Disclaimer: This is why *I* don’t make the first move. Other women may have different reasons.)

Q: i want to sexy boy e mail adess who want any person fuck him
A: Sigh. Once again,

Q: the girls asked us to flick out our cocks so they could measure them ron had an 8 inch cock, had a 7 inch cock , they laughed at my 4 inch cock
A: Well, of course they did, Tiny Tim. Here’s a tip: don’t flick out your cock while amongst friends who are hung like horses. Or in any group situation, for that matter.

Q: help for women when they have to go toilet infront of boyfrnds
A: Close the door. If possible, play loud music. Bring matches. Read this.

Q: why guys call a girl psycho when she gets upset over a breakup?1
A: Because it makes them feel less guilty about breaking up with her. If she gets upset, it’s because she’s “psycho,” not because of anything he did.

Q: my father’s weenie gets hard
A: That just means he’s healthy. But how in God’s name would you know that? Sicko!

Q: i’m i love with someone i slept with a couple of times
A: No you’re not, sweet pea. That’s just the oxytocin speaking. It’ll wear off.

Q: where the f*ck is my prince
A: He does not exist. Every man will have flaws that annoy the shit out of you. The trick is to find the one whose flaws annoy you at a reasonably tolerable level.

Q: can you put a tampon up arse to stop farting
A: No, silly buns. And I don’t suggest you try it unless you are prepared to explain when a feminine product goes shooting out your ass.

Q: девушка в туалете
A: Yes.

47 replies

  1. she-male dick ass penis breast anal sexy. <—??? Dude, you crack me up! This post is a great idea — whether your idea or not, it was still funny as hell! Why don't you post more often?!

    • It WAS my idea, and I didn’t make up the search words! Someone actually searched that. I’d love to post more often. If someone could pay me to quit my day job, I’d be more than happy to!

  2. Bam! Very creative! Also, you win the made-me-spit-up-my-morning-coffee award today for:
    “Q: why do girls laugh at my small peepee??
    A: Because it’s funny, yo! And calling it a peepee doesn’t help.”

  3. Wow! Thanks to your Craigs List link, I think my husband and I just found an amazing new couple “seeking new friends” to double-date with! I just have one question, do you know a good dinner spot in a mountainous environment that allows exposed genitalia? They must have a sense of humor because they only put photos of their private parts in their ad, so that’s how we’ll recognize them. They also “enjoy a little playing in the snow to get the party started.” We’re just thrilled – we’ve been desperate to make new friends since moving to Los Angeles from Salt Lake City!

    • Welcome to LA! It’s really not difficult to find publicly exposed genitalia if you really put your mind to it. But seriously, this place I hear had a nude section – and it’s in the mountains!:

      Have a wonderful time with your new friends! They sound like lovely folks. 🙂

  4. It seems like some of those questions are from little kids. When are kids able to write again?

  5. You are so hilarious!!! You should write more often.
    It’s not fair to post once a week (if that) and leave us waiting for more with bated breath 🙂

  6. Some very interesting search terms lol. I love how a good portion of the answers are referred to Craigslist. About spewed my drink on the tiny pee pee question lol.

    • I don’t understand who in this day and age doesn’t realize that if they’re looking for sex, craigslist is the place to go. Of course, you might get murdered, but you know. There’s always a risk.

  7. Hahaha the “девушка в туалете” on Google Translate says Russian to English translation: girl in toilet

    Nice answers 😉

    • You know, I didn’t know that until you wrote it here. I didn’t even bother looking it up. Good to know, though. Funnily enough, I get the “girl in toilet” search term (in English) a LOT. Guess there are some pervy people who are into that.

  8. So, I assume you’ll be putting a therapist couch in your living room, hanging out your shingle, and start dispensing this exquisite advice to the tune of $150 per hour?

    After running that last question through BabelFish, I wonder which particular post brought that reader to the blog??

  9. You know, I was having a super shit day being single …long days at work, shedding a few tears and then this post came in to my mailbox and hon- that frown turned upside down Laughed my ass off. So thx.

  10. Great questions. I agree the peepee guy should use grown up names for his parts would help. The tampon to stop farting, omg where do you find these people. And what was the last russian one about girl in toilet?

Leave a Reply to lifebeginsat30ty Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s