Trying to navigate the complex world of dating, sex and relationships is a rough game. Oftentimes, boys and girls have questions they are too embarrassed to pose to their parents, clergymen or neighborhood prostitute.
Luckily, there is Single Girl Blogging.
The good folks at WordPress inform me daily which search engine terms people are typing in that lead to my blog. It has come to my attention that there are some very misguided individuals surfing the interwebs. I believe is it kismet that brought these lost souls to me, and it is my duty to address their queries with the utmost compassion and candor.
The phrases that appear in bold below are actual search terms people used to find my blog. They have not been edited. I suggest you read through my responses carefully, as this is sage wisdom coming from a girl with a blog.
20 Questions and Answers About Sex, Love and Farts
Q: do men expect anal sex will they leave or cheat if you won’t
A: Honey, it depends on the guy. If the dude is super into butt play, then it’s possible. But don’t despair, some guys are not keen on the idea of getting poop on their peen. This is the man for you. (Me too.)
Q: women dating advice his dick is the size of a pinky
A: Do it doggie style. It will feel slightly bigger. Sadly, I have experience with this.
Q: i’m a single girl i like to have sex how can i have
A: Easy peasy! http://losangeles.craigslist.org/cas/
Q: is there a single girl out there who is a perve
A: Yes! See above.
Q: what would happen if a girl fart on your dick
A: An air bubble will be passed from her anus to your urethra, which will subsequently travel to your bladder and implode, thereby forcing urine out of your pores and every bodily orifice. I recommend avoiding if possible.
Q: why do girls laugh at my small peepee??
A: Because it’s funny, yo! And calling it a peepee doesn’t help.
Q: my bf was fingering me and then has gooey stuff on it
A: Oh, sweetie, that just means he’s doing it right.
Q: what is the easiest way to make a woman fart in front of you?
A: Cook her a loving, homemade meal of pinto beans and broccoli. Then just wait.
Q: she-male dick ass penis breast anal sexy.
A: Not sure how this search phrase led to my blog. When did I say “breast”?
Q: are happy endings common in Thailand
A: Yes, they are. I learned the hard way.
Q: why do girls never make the first move
A: Because we’re pussies. We don’t want to be rejected any more than anyone else does. Then we hide behind the notion that men like to “hunt” and should therefore make the first move. It’s very convenient. (Disclaimer: This is why *I* don’t make the first move. Other women may have different reasons.)
Q: i want to sexy boy e mail adess who want any person fuck him
A: Sigh. Once again, http://losangeles.craigslist.org/m4m/
Q: the girls asked us to flick out our cocks so they could measure them ron had an 8 inch cock, had a 7 inch cock , they laughed at my 4 inch cock
A: Well, of course they did, Tiny Tim. Here’s a tip: don’t flick out your cock while amongst friends who are hung like horses. Or in any group situation, for that matter.
Q: help for women when they have to go toilet infront of boyfrnds
A: Close the door. If possible, play loud music. Bring matches. Read this.
Q: why guys call a girl psycho when she gets upset over a breakup?1
A: Because it makes them feel less guilty about breaking up with her. If she gets upset, it’s because she’s “psycho,” not because of anything he did.
Q: my father’s weenie gets hard
A: That just means he’s healthy. But how in God’s name would you know that? Sicko!
Q: i’m i love with someone i slept with a couple of times
A: No you’re not, sweet pea. That’s just the oxytocin speaking. It’ll wear off.
Q: where the f*ck is my prince
A: He does not exist. Every man will have flaws that annoy the shit out of you. The trick is to find the one whose flaws annoy you at a reasonably tolerable level.
Q: can you put a tampon up arse to stop farting
A: No, silly buns. And I don’t suggest you try it unless you are prepared to explain when a feminine product goes shooting out your ass.
Q: девушка в туалете
Categories: Something is Wrong with Me, Totally Random
Singlegirly whats the loudest/most embarrassing time you have ever farted?
OMG I’m dying of laughter ! so funny !!
she-male dick ass penis breast anal sexy. <—??? Dude, you crack me up! This post is a great idea — whether your idea or not, it was still funny as hell! Why don't you post more often?!
It WAS my idea, and I didn’t make up the search words! Someone actually searched that. I’d love to post more often. If someone could pay me to quit my day job, I’d be more than happy to!
I’m with ya… Keep an eye out — I’m passing an award on tonight — you deserve it!
Bam! Very creative! Also, you win the made-me-spit-up-my-morning-coffee award today for:
“Q: why do girls laugh at my small peepee??
A: Because it’s funny, yo! And calling it a peepee doesn’t help.”
Nice! Did the coffee ruin anything (clothes, computer)? That would be super awesome! 😉
Okay, here’s one:
Should Denny be sad that his wiener is only 2/3 of a foot?
Wondering in Kenosha
Depends which part of the foot — toe side or heel side?
Wow! Thanks to your Craigs List link, I think my husband and I just found an amazing new couple “seeking new friends” to double-date with! I just have one question, do you know a good dinner spot in a mountainous environment that allows exposed genitalia? They must have a sense of humor because they only put photos of their private parts in their ad, so that’s how we’ll recognize them. They also “enjoy a little playing in the snow to get the party started.” We’re just thrilled – we’ve been desperate to make new friends since moving to Los Angeles from Salt Lake City!
Welcome to LA! It’s really not difficult to find publicly exposed genitalia if you really put your mind to it. But seriously, this place I hear had a nude section – and it’s in the mountains!: http://www.esalen.org/
Have a wonderful time with your new friends! They sound like lovely folks. 🙂
This had me LOLing (and I don’t like LOLing using acronyms)! But seriously, I agree with you about Craigslist. It’s the answer to everything.
It kind of is, isn’t it? When it comes to sex, anyway. LOL 😉
This post gave me wood. Fantastic, love.
Denny wood is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Is that a gay thing?
No worries either way. Denny has his arms out wide and his dreamcoat on.
lol, those do seem like the questions are from little kids or maybe very very inexperienced people.
Perhaps. They are lucky they have me to set them straight.
It seems like some of those questions are from little kids. When are kids able to write again?
I suppose they *might* be excusable if they were from little kids. Geez, I hope little kids aren’t reading my blog…
You are so hilarious!!! You should write more often.
It’s not fair to post once a week (if that) and leave us waiting for more with bated breath 🙂
Aw, thanks, hun! I totally wish I could post more often. Sadly, I’ve got a day job and am a busy bee!
OMG seriously. People are whacked!
Totally. Or they should be whacked. Upside the head with a blunt object.
Some very interesting search terms lol. I love how a good portion of the answers are referred to Craigslist. About spewed my drink on the tiny pee pee question lol.
I don’t understand who in this day and age doesn’t realize that if they’re looking for sex, craigslist is the place to go. Of course, you might get murdered, but you know. There’s always a risk.
I love how Craigslist is the solution for half of the questions.
And LMAO at “when did I say breast”
I hope you don’t mind if I offer an answer to the question: Where is my prince?
Yep, ain’t no prince. Craigslist was only the answer for two, girl!
Hahaha the “девушка в туалете” on Google Translate says Russian to English translation: girl in toilet
Nice answers 😉
You know, I didn’t know that until you wrote it here. I didn’t even bother looking it up. Good to know, though. Funnily enough, I get the “girl in toilet” search term (in English) a LOT. Guess there are some pervy people who are into that.
Effin Jehosaphat! And I thought Jerry Spring was the end of the gene pool. Darwin awards, meet internet dating. Please do no procreate.
Right? It’s a bit frightening. And at least Jerry Springer is fake.
Hilarious. Made my day in bed suddenly brighten up. You need to open up shop!
Glad to hear it! Man, if I could make a living at this racket, I would do it in a heartbeat.
So, I assume you’ll be putting a therapist couch in your living room, hanging out your shingle, and start dispensing this exquisite advice to the tune of $150 per hour?
After running that last question through BabelFish, I wonder which particular post brought that reader to the blog??
That sounds like an excellent idea. I could live with $150 an hour. Please spread the word. 🙂
I didn’t know what that last one even meant until folks here told me. I am fairly certain this was the post: https://singlegirlblogging.com/2010/08/25/relationship-milestone-the-first-poo/
Hahahaha OK that just made my crap day today a whole lot better!
Yay! So happy to hear that. Thanks!
You know, I was having a super shit day being single …long days at work, shedding a few tears and then this post came in to my mailbox and hon- that frown turned upside down Laughed my ass off. So thx.
You are most welcome. And your comment made my day. Makes me very happy to have turned your frown upside down! Thank you!
Great questions. I agree the peepee guy should use grown up names for his parts would help. The tampon to stop farting, omg where do you find these people. And what was the last russian one about girl in toilet?
I don’t know who these people are. Funny, I didn’t even bother looking up the Russian. I didn’t even know it was Russian!
LOL. People find my blog based on some pretty curious searches, too. I may have attracted pedophiles and transvestites.
LOL, yes, it seems they are all over the Internet.
HAHAHA this is awesome. Clever idea. And nice picture too – you have FINALLY revealed yourself Single!!
Thanks, Dumpling! Yes, and that is my headset, too. I bought it specially 🙂