Gentlemen, is the search for the perfect summer beachwear bringing you down? Having trouble finding just the right swimsuit to effectively accentuate your man goods? Look no further. Now that summer is in full swing, why not treat your schlong to a SLING?
Designed by the French (well, duh), nothing highlights your ween more than this three-inch strip of circular spandex, also known as the “C-string.”
Just check out English reality show stars Bobby Norris and Harry Derbidge lettin’ it all hang out in Marbella, Spain. So much for British modesty.
While many citizens have expressed disgust and disdain at these new trunks for your – ahem – trunk, I for one believe they offer many advantages:
1. No more size secrets.
Ladies, no more waiting till coitus to find out what Mr. Man is packing. With the subtlety-free C-string, you know precisely whether you’re getting a python or a pinky.
2. Goodbye, pale thighs.
Guys, do you ever strip off your board shorts only to have a woman scream in horror at your pasty white thighs? (Sorry, it wasn’t your huge penis.) This hot little number affords you an even tan all over… save for that one little frown across your left hip.
3. Good for the gander.
Women endure pain and discomfort in their pursuit of pulchritude on a daily basis. This is a wonderful chance for the men folk to experience what it’s like to walk around with a string up their butts… and to have their pubic hair ripped out by the root (see manscaping note below).
A Few Words of Warning
Now, my sausage-wielding compadres, before you run out and snatch one up in every color, take heed that there are a few potential hazards you should be aware of:
Potential hazard #1: Gravity.
I’m not entirely clear on how these things, you know, stay up, but I imagine you’d need some pretty powerful glute muscles to clench that puppy into staying in place.
Uh-oh. Looks like Bobby’s having some trouble here. Squeeze harder, Bobs!
Potential Hazard #2: Manscaping is a must.
Take this model here:
That is a big, fat DON’T. No one wants to see your man bush, fellas. Escort your bikini line to a good waxing joint, stat. If you need a referral, I’ll give you the number to the lady who does mine. I’m sure she’ll be gentle. Heh-heh.
Potential hazard #3: Beware the dick slip.
When it comes to these salami straps, I’m afraid they are more about form than function. I do not recommend beach volleyball or even heavy breathing while sporting one of these. One false move and BOIIIING! Say hello to my little friend.
Potential hazard #4: Keep yer bum clean.
It goes in your ass crack. ‘Nuff said.
What do you think of the new C-string man sling? Gotta have it or make it stop?
Categories: In My Most Excellent Opinion, Totally Random
There are people who should never ever wear these and I bet those will be the ones wearing them. An arse crack wax would be needed for these to. For some bizarre reason I have a mental image of Freddie Mercury in one of these. I really don’t know why but apparently he was huge downstairs. I don’t think he would have been contained by one of these :-!
I have some suggestions to improve that product:
– they could put a press button – or even better a lace like on a bikini – at the hip position to make it possible to change the side without plopping out the things (have to exercise a bit to find the right trick). 😀
– I think asymetric styles are not really good design. As a man you can put two of these on each leg, in one the thing, in the other a sock or stuff like keys etc and ask women “Guess which side…” ;D … you could switch sides from time to time…
– change color to “seamless skin” (different tanning shades 😉 and no one will notice the size or irritate children’s eyes Hehehe… Or make it printable to seamless fit on tattoes beyond 😉
– I even could imagine a version with fluorescent colors. At night as a women your boy friend will be a guiding light at night.
– the product should have a additional flap or “sleeve” beneath to fasten the manly parts into place. It could be a special edition for volleyball players.
I will wait several time if that product is improved 😀
Girls used to pad their bras. Would men stuff a sock in it?
Gay guys like the strangest things…
OMG i would sooo wear that just to piss people off! Im with most guys and would rather go naked than wear it but after reading comment’s, i would wear just to be different. My female friends said im to big to wear but we will find out.
I’m so tired of all the bikini pics out here being of photoshopped women. Time to give us girls some eye candy. Fair is fair!! Lol
Looks like a nut cup for fruits. It’s just the opposite of when Del Monte made a Fruit Cup for Nuts ( Pineapples, Grapes, Cherries, Pears, and a dose of Thorazine)
I would much rather use my imagination… if a man came up to me wearing one of those… I believe I would have a difficult time containing my horrendous LAUGHTER!
no straight man that I know would ever wear that especially in public at a beach..that’s one of the most dumbest bathing suits I’ve seen for men
What happens if they get a boner? 😳
lol… That’s what I said!!!
Wow realy girls are more perverted then dudes lol… freaks
Yeah…. DUH! Where have you been? Lol… Classy! (But trashy!) so u men get it all… the good, the bad AND the ugly! (And Of course… The beauty!)
I came across this style 6 years ago and have worn it pretty much exclusively since then, both as underwear and for tanning.
I have had many positive comments from people that have seen me wear it while tanning, good to know you appreciate the style too.
This makes me very, very happy.
Aw you make me happy! Where you been, girl? Hey, shoot me an email when you have a minute, kay? singlegirlie @ ymail.com. I wanna ask you something.
Imagine men wearing like this on the beach 😀
I’d like to watch them frolic on the beach in these.
Couldn’t they just periodically switch sides to get an even tan?
Hey now, that is a stupendous idea! But they might have to turn the thing inside out. Hopefully they make it with reversible fabric.
If they didn’t, I think we need to get on that. It doubles the wear-ability and no pesky tan lines.
They should listen to us.
This disturbs and tickles me on so many levels I don’t even know where to begin! Honestly, even the hottest man in Hollywood (muscle-bound or not) would look a little…”lacking” in this get up.
The package is something most men are self-conscious about the size of anyway, so if they don’t have a lot, they’ll definitely not be able to hide it and if they are generously endowed, then most women will look a bit horrified as they past them, covering the eyes of small children along the way.
I hope to never see one of these in person:)
I hope hope hope I do see one of these in person. It would be most entertaining to see a guy walk around struggling to keep the damn thing up. Oh, the fun never ends!
Ha Ha! I’ll have to do a special ‘Mankini’ video for you! How about jogging on the spot!! – that will get the blood flowing into certain areas!!! LOL
Oh yes, yes, please do.
One of the strange and alarming signs of the apocalypse. I’d rather just go nude and not have to worry about it slipping off the front or flossing the rear. Unless it’s held on in front by tiny suction cups inside the material, a guy would have to have a certain minimum mass of genitalia just to keep it on.
No, nude is definitely the way to go.
Hmm, suction cups. You may be onto something here.
Offering this as one of those pinky guys, I’m certain it would take either some advanced-technology suction dots to keep that thing on the front, or a pact with the devil. Those never seem to turn out well, except for the devil.
I’d probably find that once on, it’d never be able to be removed. Worse than the lifetime mullet haircut I got from my last poorly-crafted deal. Come to think of it, having a pinky down there may have been an unintended consequence of an earlier deal.
Personally I would rather go nude than wear anything like that, this looks like a comedy outfit – something that Borat might wear!! The male body looks comedic in something like this – I must admit I do quite a lot of my own comedy routines in the nude, that’s it I’m out to buy one of these right now!! Here’s a sample of my work – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gu5Qv3nA4RE
Oh sweet! Please send photos of you in the new sausage sling. Chances are you won’t even have to speak a word and will still bring the house down.
I think they’re out right disgusting as well be walking naked
Oh dear god I cannot help but love them. If someone had enough confidence, or enough ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude to wear one why not. But yeah definitely wipe your bum good and clean after a poo! No one wants to see that!
True… I do salute anyone with confidence. Sadly, many times the people who have the confidence to wear these types of things are not the people who should EVER wear these types of things.
I saw these a while ago (not in real, thankfully), a friend shared a picture of them on facebook. I think they’re just awful, I really really don’t see what’s attractive about them, even on a really buff guy, they’re just naff aren’t they? Maybe they’ll become mainstream and we’ll get used to seeing them, but I really hope not. Shorts guys. Please. Always go for the shorts.
I am pretty much with you, but was thinking the other day… You know what’s funny? Only in ‘Merica do the mens never wear bikini-type bathing suits like Speedos or whatever. In Europe, that’s what they wear. And it kinda makes sense if you’re, you know, swimming. I imagine long knee shorts get uncomfortable when they’re soppy wet. And man legs actually can be attractive (well, not all of them… but hello World Cup players), so I wonder why at some point in the US we decided men need to cover it all up while the rest of the world is perfectly fine with the tighties? I mean, if we lived over there we probably wouldn’t think it was gross, right?
But then again, maybe it has something to do with 33% of Americans being obese…
Well here in England, we prefer the shorts too 🙂 We’re not proper Europe in that way…or in lots of other ways!
Ha, true! You folks are still holding onto those pounds, aren’t you? I do love you Brits, though.
Yep, we’re keeping a firm grip on our pounds! And our men in shorts 🙂
As a friend of mine once said Speedos to much information
What the hell is that?? hahaha it’s absolutely hilarious!
It’s the best thing to hit the beach since Borat in that big green “V!”
It’s just horrid, lol.
You need to be more positive. You know, look at it as the thong is half full!
It seems like some kind of gag gift, just a joke. Maybe something to make someone put on for the sake of a dare. Nobody would really wear this without irony. Would they? Would they?!?!?
Two words: Europe. Oh, wait, that’s one word. But yeah.
Most sales to take place on the Internet rather than in Brick and Mortar stores. Just guessing
You should come to Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood.
ha, ha, ha, ha…this is hilarious…ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…
ha, ha, ha…i am sorry…but this has me laughing a lot…those photos!
gosh…..no real comment cause i am laughing too much….
LOL! That’s really all these things are. Funny. And I’m so glad for that.
I would think playing coy with a woman you find attractive is pretty much… uh… “out” while wearing one of these.
If by “being coy” you mean keeping ol’ bowser down, um, yeah. Well, that’s one way to keep my penis envy in check, Ned!
I think keeping my penis in check is the bigger issue. In a manner of speaking…
Is that really the bigger issue, Ned? Ah, men. Always trying to inflate the size of their… issues.
Hopefully, I will never need the inflatable kind.
I think it’s a sign of the impending apocalypse. Ugh.
Hahaha. The apocalypse = every man in a C-string. Even Danny DeVito.
You are evil. Thanks for that mental imagine.
Love the banana by the way. That reduces my resentment somewhat 😉